Bad Timing
by Kelly22
Summary: LAST CHAPTER ADDED! Crossover fic with Btvs, set in Season 3 of Angel. The Scoobies head to LA and try to adjust to the changes. C/A, B/S
1. Default Chapter

Bad Timing

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Ats, Btvs, and their respective characters do not belong to me.

Content: C/A, B/S, small amount of B/A (I wanted to give fair warning)

Spoilers: None. This set in Season 3 of "Angel" and Season 6 of "Buffy."

Summary:  Unable to deal with her growing feelings for Spike, Buffy drags the gang along to for an LA vacation.  Chaos and mayhem ensues.

Note: This story is set a little after Cordelia comes back from vacation with Groo, except in my AU world, there was no bad father-devouring-son prophecy and no babies growing up in hell dimensions.

Please give feedback!

Prologue

"Buffy, now, I don't want to question you, or, uh, your decision making abilities, but is this, um, a 'good' idea? Cause to me, you know, as a concerned—not concerned but, uh, interested, as an interested friend, this idea seems, well…bad," Willow rambled as she paced around her best friend's bedroom.  She was looking at the ceiling for most of her speech so it came as no surprise when she tripped over Xander, who was sitting on the floor near the door.  When Xander lifted his head to complain, Willow lifted her eyebrows at him and nodded toward their blond friend, silently urging him to back her up on this one.  Xander made a sigh of the oppressed and stood.

"Buffy, you have really thought about this, right?  I mean, this isn't some whim, a whole I-came-back-from-the-dead-now-lets-create-chaos sort of deal, is it," Xander inquired to Buffy's back.

There was almost a full moment of silence before Buffy answered, not bothering to look up to face her friends as she put more clothes in her black duffel.  "Look, I know both of you are a little worried, which is why, if you remember, I told you that you didn't HAVE to come—"

"Of course we're gonna come with you, we're your friends, you have our full support," Willow interrupted.

Buffy finally turned away from her packing and smiled at her friends.  "Thanks Will.  Look you two, this may sound strange, but it just feels like something I—we—need to do.  I've been having dreams about it for almost a week now.  Plus, the timing is right.  Xan, you and Anya have been half crazy with wedding plans, you know you could use a little distraction. And Willow, you've been doing great job avoiding magic, but moping around the house also means you've been avoiding life.  And believe me, I understand just how much that statement was pot calling kettle black.  Which only proves that we all need to get away."  _I need to get away from anything remotely involving being shoved up against the wall by Spike._

Her speech seemed to convince her two closest friends that she hadn't lost her mind entirely, and they left to finish their own packing, thereby leaving Buffy alone with more of her thoughts.  _Sure, I could use some time away from the grease vats at work and Dawn does have a three day weekend for President's Day and Willow has been really obsessing over Tara ever since my "party" and Xander and Anya REALLY need to call a time out over seating arrangement clashes.  But who am I kidding.  I need something to make me understand what I'm doing with Spike.  I do believe Tara that nothing is physically different with me than before I died.  I mean, it took a couple days, but it really is sinking in.  Now, though, I have no excuse.  All I do is alternate between hating myself and hating him.  I haven't actually talked to him in a week, but I can sense him, sometimes, at night when I patrol.  I know he has been following me and a sick part of me is thrilled with that.  I'm getting off on punishing the two of us, knowing it's killing him to not have me, not smell me, not hold me.  What's even sicker, an even greater indication of just how screwed up I am, is how it feels like it is slowly killing me too. Like during the past couple months of what I like to call my madness, I somehow became addicted to Spike and what he does for me…and to me. Oh, god, I can't even stand to be inside my head right now, let alone this house or this town.  I need to get away. That's why this idea really is so good.  Because it's killing two birds with one stone.  It gets me out of Sunnydale, and it SHOULD help me stop feeling like this.  Make me remember what I really want.._

Buffy's reverie was broken when her younger sister walked in the room.  Dawn had taken news of the trip rather well, seemingly up for anything.  The only point of conflict with her was why they couldn't invite Spike along too, but it seemed as if she had gotten over that sticking point.

"So I mean, what are you bringing? Cause I have like comfortable clothes, and then clothes that that are more cute than comfortable, and then dress up clothes, and I haven't even started on shoes. My shoes are all Sunnydale shoes, I don't have shoes for where we are going.  Should I run out and buy some new shoes before we leave? Wait, then I would just have MORE Sunnydale shoes, which would still make me look like a jerk but would be uncomfortable as well.  Of course, I could—"

"Dawnie, calm down.  You've been there before.  Your shoes will be fine, your shoes are fine, and even if they weren't, there is only one person that would notice and we all stopped caring about her opinion years ago," Buffy tried to calm her sister down while she rooted through her trunk for some traveling weapons.  This WAS a vacation, but she was the Slayer no matter where she went.

"I don't know why I am so nervous.  Wait, it's coming to me, it's cause I know for a fact you were lying when you said we were invited.  You know no one called here asking for us.  Did you happen to mention to your friends that all of us are going to be dropping in unannounced?"

"I might have glossed over that fact.  Look, considering all that's happened, I would consider our invitation pretty open.  This is really not something for you to worry about.  Even if our little surprise does backfire, I'M the only one who will look bad or feel stupid.  And I'm not too worried about that.  So you definitely shouldn't worry."  Dawn nodded somewhat convincingly and turned to leave the room.  "Oh and Dawn, I know I've been a little paranoid about this, but you didn't tell Spike where we're going when he was over last night, did you?"

"No, but I don't like lying to him.  I don't understand why it's okay to tell him we're going to visit Dad but it's not okay to tell him that we're going to—"

"Look, I told you, I just would rather him not know. I don't want him tagging along, I don't want him talking to me about it (_or out of it)_ and I don't want to have to even think about him for the next three days. Okay?"  Dawn nodded and walked out, clearly puzzled and unhappy about keeping Spike out of the loop. _How the hell did they ever become so attached? I mean, I think he's good for her, he was great for her this summer, but still…she can't come to rely on him.  I can't let myself rely on him.  Because he's evil and a vampire and…he'll leave. They all seem to leave eventually. My dad, my mother, Giles, Riley, Angel.  Angel leaving almost broke me.  Funny now, how even though some part of me still resents him for leaving, he's the one I am running to now._

"L.A.," she murmured softly, grabbing her duffel, "here we come."

**Chapter One- Can't Stand the Heat  
**  
Cordelia often was faced with situations that made her really stop and wonder how far off track her life had veered. When she had spotted Xander and Willow swapping spit and fallen on a rebar. When she had inherited visions from "The Powers that Be" by kissing a half-demon. When she had voluntarily gone all half-demony herself in order to continue helping people. But standing in the kitchen of the Hyperion on Friday night, Cordy was dumbstruck at how unexpected her life really was.   
  
She was standing in the kitchen with pots and pans strewn everywhere, chopping vegetables. The steam from the pot on top of the oven wasn't doing pretty things to her hair (which was three weeks overdue for some highlights) and a glimpse at the door of the microwave oven told her that her face was more than a little shiny. Add that to the fact that she was bouncing a 7-month old baby on her hip and the picture was complete. Somewhere on the road to international superstardom, she had come to look a whole heck of a lot like a housewife.   
  
Cordelia shook off the mutual feelings of disgust and pleasure that thought sent through her and tried to concentrate on what Fred was saying.   
  
"It's not that I want to pry, it's just that you came back from vacation so early and Groo's nowhere to be seen and it's been two weeks and I just, oh come on, you've got to tell me what happened," Fred whined, popping a piece of green pepper in her mouth.   
  
"Fred, I told you, I just, you know, had an epiphany."  
  
"Ohhhhhh, like Angel did? After sex? So you did com-shuck the Groosalog!"   
  
"I didn't say that."  
  
"So you didn't. You kept the potion?"  
  
"I didn't say-dammit, Angel said he would be right back. This whole give-Cordy-a-cooking-lesson thing was HIS idea and he just disappears. ANGELLLL."  
  
"Hey sorry, I couldn't find his pacifier," Angel said as he walked back into the kitchen.  
  
"That's odd, seeing as there's at least twenty stashed all over the hotel," Cordy said, passing the baby off to Fred and joining Angel at the stove.  
  
"They do keep turning up in the strangest places," Fred noted. "I mean, yesterday, I found one in Gunn's pants."  
  
Both Cordelia and Angel immediately whipped around to stare at the girl, Angel scowling while Cordy's eyebrows reached unprecedented heights.   
  
Fred bit her lip. That had not come out right. "No, uh, laundry, I was doing laundry and some of Gunn's things were in there, and there was a pacifier jammed in a pocket. And I reached in and got it. So, um, I was technically IN Gunn's pants, um, but not in the sense that he was in them at the same time, and I think Connor and I are gonna go see what's happening in the other room." With that, Fred fled.   
  
Cordy and Angel both turned back to the stove, standing for several seconds in silence. They both glanced over at the other person and then quickly glanced away. Cordy heard a squeak and than realized it was her, trying to hold a laugh in. She looked over at Angel. He was silent and his lips looked clamped together. Than she noticed the shaking. She let out another squeak and then her laughter came spilling out, followed immediately by Angel's. They laughed until their stomachs' hurt. Cordelia slid onto the floor trying to catch her breath. Angel didn't need to breath so he made himself useful taking the pasta off the stove and putting it in a strainer.   
  
"Oh, god, I can't breath. That was just so funny," Cordy panted.  
  
"I know. When she said that, all I could think…I mean, the idea of Gunn and Fred," Angel shook his head and inspected Cordy's progress on the vegetables.  
  
Cordy bit her lip and slowly stood up. Her sweet utterly clueless vampire. You had to love him. _Oops, no shake that thought off Cordy._ Ever since the ballet, all the signs had been there-the idea of Gunn and Fred was one Angel was going to have to accept. Fred had been pretty tight lipped about what had happened at the ballet, but Cordy knew the signs of smooching. She would have to remember to hit Fred up for details sometime soon. Girls were supposed to tell each other stuff like that. _Of course its not like I've told her anything about what me and Angel were up to in the dressing room. Oh, geez Cordy, don't think about that now, not here, in the kitchen, the hot kitchen, with him standing right next to me. You know the rules-no thinking about my little epiphany when I am at work. _Maybe she should tell Angel, so he wouldn't spaz in front of the rest of the group.  
  
"Angel, the idea of Fred and Gunn together isn't such a bad idea, you know."   
  
"Cordy, what are you talking about," Angel said without looking up. "Fred she's like a physicist and Gunn's, I mean, he's a street fighter from the hood."  
  
Cordy bit her lip to keep from laughing. Angel had said 'hood.' Was anything this man did not cute? _Ahhh, stop! _"So what, they come from different places. That's the basis for, like, some of the best love stories ever. People can fall in love with people who are nothing like them. Is this cause he's black?" Cordy asked, teasing.  
  
Angel turned to her, horrified. "I'm not racist!" When he saw she was joking, he relaxed and leaned across her to stir the sauce. "Hello, I'm a bloodsucking vampire, it doesn't leave a lot of room to be judgmental."  
  
Cordelia smiled and tried not to think of how little sparks of electricity had shot across her when Angel's arm had brushed her. God, and he smelled so…mmmmm. _Great, now I sound like one of those goddamn Furies. _"Anyway, my POINT is that I think Fred and Gunn might have some crushy feelings and I just wanted you to be aware of that. SO you don't say anything stupid. Which you will anyway."  
  
"Hey," Angel said, wounded.  
  
"Kidding. Just kidding." She had better change the subject. "So how did you know when to take the pasta off the burner?"  
  
"Well, you need to wait until the noodle achieves a certain amount of malleability while still retaining a desired level of firmness."  
  
"Huh?"   
  
"You throw it at the wall," Fred said as she walked back into the kitchen with Connor. "Throw a piece of pasta at the wall and if it sticks, it's done." She grabbed a bottle of juice for the baby and headed back to the television.   
  
"Hmmm," Cordy said as she reached to grab a noodle from the bowl. "Why do I like Fred's explanation so much better than yours?" She chucked a noodle at the wall behind Angel. It hit right near the clock and stuck. Then, five seconds later, it fell. Onto Angel's hair. Angel immediately started shaking his head violently, trying to get it off. Cordy simply buried her face in her hands and exploded in laughter.  
  
"Cordy. Cordelia. Stop laughing. It wasn't that funny dammit," Angel growled.

Would Cordy ever stop laughing, Angel wondered. Of course it was hard not to appreciate the sound, even if it was at his own expense. Cordelia laughing was hard not to like. When she just let her self go and threw everything she had into laughing, it was like being hit by a truck, but in a good way. It was a lot like when she gave that one smile, that real, deliciously huge smile that made you just stop and wonder if anything on earth could be more rewarding than making Cordelia smile.   
  
"Cordy." More laughter. "Cordelia." What the hell was so damn funny about a noodle in his hair. This was getting a little ridiculous. And she really didn't appear to be stopping with the laughing anytime soon. He wished he could make her stop laughing. _I wish I could grab her and push her against the refrigerator and smother those giggles with my mouth.._ Angel shook his head violently from side to side to clear the image from his mind. These, well fantasies if he was being honest, they had been bothering him at the oddest times.for almost a month now. Ever since the ballet and Groo and Cordy's returning early from vacation. _Don't go there Angel. Come on, this is why you suggested this cooking lesson in the first place. To keep your mind off less.wholesome things. _  
  
Cordelia was still laughing so Angel did the only thing he could think to do (besides the up-against-the-fridge action). He reached into the bowl of noodles and chucked a handful at her.   
  
It was beautiful really. Several landed in her hair, one tangled around her ear. Three lucky strands now rested in the v-neck of her shirt. And that perfect, outraged wail of indignation. It was like music. And of course, the laughter had stopped.  
  
One second her eyes were blank with shock. Then they narrowed, in that sexy, dangerous, Queen C way of hers and Angel gulped. Before he could blink, Cordy's two hands were grabbing for the bowl of pasta. _She wouldn 't. I mean, that was her dinner. She wouldn't-_   
  
Warm, wet noodles were everywhere. On his shoes. On his clothes. Nestled in the perfectly gelled spikes of his hair. He stood silent, unmoving.  
  
Cordelia's smile faded as she saw the expression on his face. Tossing the bowl of pasta had seemed like such a good idea. And he did look funny. But also, maybe just a little bit ANGRY. Now, Cordelia knew that Angel would never actually HURT her, but hundreds of years doing evil vampy things had taught him lots and lots about revenge. And there were just way too many weapons lying around the.  
  
What, what had he just dumped in her hair? Cordelia ran a hand thru her hair and there was a rainfall of.cheese. While she had been in her haze, imagining all sorts of vengeful atrocities, Angel had dumped the thing of Parmesan cheese in her hair.   
  
At that point, Cordy saw his laughing form leaning on the counter and she would have joined him, would have laughed the whole silly thing off and called it a draw. But then she realized that this wasn't a tiny generic can of Parmesan cheese. This was the gourmet stuff, the kind Wolfgang Puck had recommended, the kind SHE had bought. This, oh this wasn't to be taken lightly.   
  
She smiled, making him think that they were even now, that the little food fight had ended before it really began. She shrugged her shoulders in what she hoped was an endearing "I-give-up" kind of way. She reached for her glass of Diet Coke. She raised her hand and took a sip. Then she tossed the contents in his face.  
  
Angel realized he should have known better, realized that he shouldn't be surprised there was Diet Coke dripping down his forehead and into his eyes. His Cordelia would never let something end without getting off a parting shot. _Okay so she's not "my Cordelia" but still, I mean, after three years, I shoulda known there would be some sort of counter-attack._   
  
"Very funny Cordy. Say, is that a new shirt you're wearing?" Angel asked while grabbing a spoon and stirring the pot of spaghetti sauce.  
  
"Yes actually, haven't figured out how I am going to pay for it b-." Wait a second. He was up to something. Changing the subject, trying to look all innocent there stirring the sauce. The very red sauce. Sauce that would be very stainy if it got on a certain person's new shirt. "Angel, don't." Angel had raised a spoonful of the sauce up and made like he was going to taste it. "Angel, I know what you are about to do, but don't even think-" .  
  
It was too late of course. Cordelia stared down at the spattering of red across her shirt. As she thought about dry cleaning bills, she became enraged. She reached for the bowl of salad and started lobbing croutons at him, followed by some of the larger slices of tomatoes. When she ran out of ammunition, Angel stopped ducking and just flung two more spoonfuls of sauce.   
  
Cordy frantically searched for something else to use as a weapon while trying unsuccessfully to evade the pasta sauce he kept hurling her way. At a loss, she grabbed the only thing nearby…a bottle of her Kraft Fat Free Italian Salad Dressing. She popped open the top and gripped the bottle firmly with two hands. _Ready, Aim, Fire. _And she hosed him down. Aww, poor baby didn't seem to like that much. And Italian dressing, that could sometimes taste awful garlicy. Cordy let a snort of laughter slip out. Angel growled. He stepped closer and grabbed her forearms, yanking her towards him. _Oh dear God, it's like something out of a trashy romance novel. _  
  
"Cordelia, I've always secretly wanted to do this to you." _Oh sweet Jesus, he is going to kiss me. He shouldn't, we shouldn't, and if he doesn' t do it soon I'm going to have to do it for him._ She closed her eyes. Her heart was racing. She took a deep breath.and smelled something sweet. Angel, he smelled like…blueberries. At that last second , warning alarms went off in her head, but it was too late. Before she could open her eyes, everything got very…gooey. She wiped at her eyes and face. It was pie. The pie she and Fred had pulled out of the oven over an hour ago. The pie she had helped make with her very own hands…the pie she had slaved over, dammit!   
  
Angel stood back and looked at his handy work. Not all that much had stayed on her face and most of that was the whipped cream. Still, she did seem very, well, blue. Half of the pie seemed to have stuck to her right arm. And gobs of blue covered her shoes. It was funny, but not as funny as when it happened to people on television. Maybe cause the people on TV didn't have to face Cordelia's icy glare. Listen to the slow meticulous beating of her heart as she planned how she would retaliate. Angel realized the irony of the situation. He had once been a feared creature of the night, who terrorized helpless girls that looked like Cordy. He would have once made her cower in terror. Hell, he once had. And now, now the former "Scourge of Europe", well he wasn't cowering, but it was pretty damn close. She reached for the long loaf of French bread and Angel ran.

TBC….


	2. Unexpected Surprises

**Part 2**: Unexpected Surprises   
  
Buffy, Dawn, and Willow stood in front of the door to the Hyperion waiting for Xander, who they had assigned to bring all the bags in from the car.  
  
"Does anyone else feel a little weird about this," Willow wondered. "I mean, I know that they invited us but-"  
  
"No, actually they didn't," Dawn interrupted while Buffy pretended to suddenly be very interested in looking at her feet. "Buffy invited herself and dragged us along. Oh wait, that would insinuate that she actually called Angel and said 'Hey I'm coming for a visit, hope it's cool.' Which she didn't." Dawn hated to be a tattletale, but this was ridiculous.  
  
Willow stared at her best friend in shock. "Buffy, is she serious? They don't even know we are coming?"   
  
Buffy hated that Willow looked so appalled. It made her doubt the decision too. "Look, Will, Angel and I...I mean, he forgave me for sending him to hell, I'm pretty sure he won't be angry about appearing on his doorstep. Hello, I'm the only woman he's loved in 250 years, I'm pretty sure that gives me the right to pop in when I need to."  
  
"Wait, I thought we all came cause Deadboy needed you in LA for something?" Xander huffed, having finally managed to drag himself and the bags to the door. "What are we doing here then?  
  
Buffy stared at the other three then lowered her head to avoid their confused glances. Quietly, and without looking up, she said, "I just need to know that some things don't change."  
  
Suddenly, everyone looked up as they heard screams coming from inside the Hyperion.   
  
"Well there you go. See, hellmouth or not, things don't ever change," Xander smirked.  
  
Suddenly they heard a woman yell, "No, Angel, no, you're killing me." With a crossbow that seemingly materialized out of nowhere in hand, Buffy kicked open the door and ran inside. For a minute the other three just stood there.  
  
Willow wrinkled her nose and said, "Does anyone else ever wonder where she keeps the crossbow?" Dawn and Xander just shrugged and they all headed inside. They found Buffy literally frozen in place, staring at the scene before her.   
  
"Okay, I admit, clearly, some things DO change," Xander mumbled.  
  
***********   
  
Angel had sprinted out of the kitchen with Cordy and the menacing loaf of bread on his heels. With an uncharacteristically Xena-like yell, Cordelia jumped onto Angel's back. He continued to run while she tried to get in a few good hits with the bread (pulling his hair for good measure). Suddenly Angel's foot caught on the leg of Connor's bassinet and they both crashed to the ground. The fall would have stunned two lesser individuals, perhaps finally ending the battle. But not two champions.   
  
By this point, Lorne and Gunn were standing on the stairs cracking up while Wes had emerged from his office shaking his head. Fred pointed at them, telling Connor how silly his Daddy was and then headed back to the kitchen to see just how much damage had been done  
  
Knowing he had to act fast, Angel immediately flipped over so that Cordelia lay on the ground. Angel used one hand to hold both of her hands down over her head and with the free hand, began the worst torture known to man or beast. He started to tickle her. And she went nuts.   
  
"No, Angel, no, you're killing me," Cordy screamed, kicking her legs and then raising her hips to try and thrust him off of her.  
  
The feel of her warm center pressing against him sent Angel into shock. The racing heartbeat, the heavy breathing, they were all too familiar…as was the slight scent of…arousal? _Wait, it couldn't be, I mean, we're not possessed._ His confusion made his tickling hand still and Cordy could feel the pressure holding her down lessen. She took advantage of his distraction by using one of the moves he taught her and flipping him over so she straddled him. She grabbed for the fallen loaf of French bread and raised it overhead, planning to whack him with it.   
  
Right then the door flew open. Cordelia couldn't believe who it was. _What the hell is Buffy doing here? _In ran the slayer with her crossbow raised. Angel and Cordy openly gaped at her, the bread still frozen in Cordelia's hands and Angel staring from his position on the floor. For someone who had just burst through the door looking to do battle, Cordelia noted that Buffy looked a little "shocked" too. _What the hell is going on here? _As usual, Cordelia said the first thing that came to mind.  
  
"Wow, Buffy, do you ever NOT make a dramatic entrance?"  
  
***********   
  
Buffy had come barreling through the door, instinct sending her in to slay the demons and save the innocent. But the only demon in front of her clearly had a soul and Cordy and her bread didn't seem all that innocent. At first glance she looked like she was bleeding and Buffy kept the crossbow raised until she noted the noodles in Angel's hair and the fact that a good part of Cordy was covered in…blue. She had busted in to save Angel and Cordelia from a food fight.   
  
"Wow, Buffy, do you ever NOT make a dramatic entrance," Cordelia said, as Xander, Willow, and Dawn walked in the door. Buffy heard Xander mumble something about things changing and tried to get her bearings. If people would just stop staring at her and be quiet than she was sure she could get a handle on her emotions. Of course, what were the chances of that happening? _Slim to none when I'm dealing with Cordelia. _  
  
"Wow, it's all the scoobies. And Buffy junior. Hey Willow, no bad dying news this time right?" Cordy said, speaking like she wasn't covered in food atop Buffy's ex-boyfriend.  
  
"Nope. And you're not dressed like Princess Leia this time," Willow commented, trying desperately for the air of nonchalance that Cordelia exhibited so flawlessly.  
  
"Yeah, I gave up my crown when the slaves revolted. Oh my gosh, Buffy, you cut your hair. I LOVE it. Have you thought about adding some lowlights? That should give you some added depth-volume is so important when your hair is shorter," Cordy said.   
  
"Actually, a stylist did recommend that but I wasn't sure," Buffy answered. _Wait, how did this turn into a discussion on my hair? Hair that Cordelia actually said looked nice. And why is she still lying on top of Angel. And why does he still have that silly nervous grin on his face._   
  
Wesley walked forward, looking a lot more scruffy and, well, sexy. What was it Willow said he was calling himself these days? A rogue demon hunter? Well it worked on him. "Cordy, you might want to let Angel get up and greet his guests," Wesley said evenly. He turned to the group from Sunnydale, saying "Well, don't just stand there. Shut the door and come in."  
  
Cordelia leaned down and whispered in Angel's ear, "I will get you for the pie thing later. Know that, and fear me." Then she slid off him and stood, walking over to Xander. "So, I hear someone's marrying an ex-vengeance demon and forgot to invite me, the woman who brought you two kids together."   
  
Xander laughed nervously. For all the blue and purple stains and the messy hair and the disturbing smell of...Parmesan cheese, Cordy still looked regal and confident and somehow, still, intimidatingly beautiful. "Uh, must have gotten lost in the mail," he offered.  
  
Cordy laughed. "I'm just kidding you jackass. Seriously, congratulations." Angel walked over to Cordy and Xander.  
  
"Well, since he didn't invite us, that means we don't have to send presents, right Cordy," Angel said. He brushed more of the cheese out of her hair and used his thumb to wipe a smudge of blueberry off of her cheek. _I'm just doing this to mess with Xander's head, he thought. Not cause I'm really trying to stake a claim or anything. And not cause I just wanted to keep touching her. Nope, not cause of that. _  
  
Buffy stared around the room. There was a black man and a green man coming down the stairs. Neither of them seemed at all perturbed by the unnatural amount of touching between Angel and Cordelia. And now they were talking about the wedding. She still needed answers and she was going to get them. "Would someone please tell me what happened here?" Gunn, Lorne, and Fred all raised their eyebrows. It was very odd to hear that tone of voice from anyone besides Cordelia.  
  
Angel tried to focus on Buffy and the unexpected appearance of the Scooby Gang. Helping Cordy clean up could wait for later. _That has potential to be very fun. Okay, images of licking blueberry pie off of Cordy is so not something I need to be thinking about right now._   
  
"Hey Buffy," Angel said, shuffling over to the slayer (and telling himself not to look back at Cordy). "This is a surprise, uh, a nice surprise."  
  
"Angel," Buffy said, going to hug him and wondering why it felt so very awkward. _Maybe that's because he's covered in noodles. And he smells like salad dressing. _"Care to explain?"  
  
Angel abruptly turned and pointed at the bassinet. "Uh, I tripped," he said sheepishly.  
  
Willow, Dawn, and Buffy all had those confused, O-o-o-o-kay looks on their faces.  
  
"But how did Cordy end up on top of you?" Willow asked.  
  
Angel hurriedly said, "Oh, she was on top of me before I trip-uh, that's not important."  
  
Cordy looked over from where she was trying to calculate how much weight Xander had gained. Angel had a painful expression on his face. He glanced quickly over to her with pleading eyes. It really was amazing how many times she had to rescue her champion. Cordelia motioned for the gang from AI to come closer. "So I guess introductions are in order. You four remember Wesley I'm sur-".  
  
"Wait," Dawn interrupted. She turned back to Angel. "You tripped over that?" she asked, pointing to the bassinet. "But, um, that's for a baby. Right?" As if on cue, sounds of a baby crying appeared out of nowhere. Angel gulped.  
  
"Yeah, like Cordy said, introductions are definitely in order," he said.  
  
***********   
  
There was a brief moment of silence before Xander's mouth took over. "That was a baby." He pointed towards a kitchen. "Did you guys know that you had a baby back there?" Gunn snorted, Cordelia rolled her eyes, and everyone else frowned at his obtuseness. Fred came out of the kitchen and walked over to everybody else, said baby in her arms. "See," Xander said, still pointing, "that is definitely a baby."  
  
"Good to know you still have an appalling talent for stating the obvious Xander," Cordy said, trying once again to get the rest of the cheese out of her hair. Fred walked up to where Angel and Cordy stood, saw Cordy's hands were occupied and handed the baby to Angel.   
  
"I think someone's a little out of sorts," she noted. Angel bounced in place, trying to sooth the fussy baby while Buffy and her friends stood staring, mouths agape. After a minute, Fred noticed the uncomfortable silence and realized there were several strangers in the room, all staring at her with their mouths agape. "Hey, I didn't know we had visitors. Hi y' all, I'm Fred."   
  
The baby was screaming now and started reaching out his hands toward Cordy. Without saying a word, Angel and Cordy turned to each other and passed the baby off, in that way that parents do. This did not go unnoticed by the newcomers.   
  
Their shock didn't go unnoticed by Cordy either, but she had a cranky baby and shoes full of pie to take care of first. "Angel, you handle the introductions, I'm going to go upstairs, get Connor settled, and see if I can do anything about the fact that I seem to be wearing most of dinner." With that, Queen C excused herself and ascended the stairs, with a bearing that could only be described as royal, despite the noodle clinging to her butt and the baby gnawing on her hair.

*******************

_Cordelia promises me she'll stick with me until I shansu and then she goes and leaves me to the wolves. She and I need to sit down sometime soon and discuss her understanding of the word loyalty. _Angel openly acknowledged he had never dreaded a conversation this much in his life. Better just get it over with.  
  
"So, introductions, lets do that. You guys know Wesley and then there's Gunn and Fred and Lorne, who, you may have guessed, is a demon, but, um, the good kind, you know, like me. You guys, this is Buffy, her sister Dawn, and her friends Willow and Xander."   
  
"Nice to see you all again," Wesley said politely. "I've been looking forward to meeting Dawn for quite some time now. From what Giles told me, your role as the key sounds fascinating. I'd love to discuss-"  
  
"Hate to interrupt you there, but I have to ask, what's the deal with the baby? I mean, you think a girl who got around as much as Cordelia did in high school would have become like a birth control super genius," Xander said in shock.   
  
Gunn stepped forward and probably would have taken Xander out if Fred hadn't laid a hand on his harm to stop him. Wesley heard Angel growl and hurried to smooth things over. He got out, "Well actually," before he was interrupted again, this time by Dawn.  
  
"Geez Xander, it's 2002, unwed mothers are a staple of society. I wrote a paper about them for sociology last month. Did you know that the increase of unwed mothers is merely a logical consequence of premarital sex? And that the true effect of raising children without strong paternal influences is not yet determined?" Dawn stopped when she noticed everyone in the room staring at her. "Okay, so by wrote the paper I mean I copied a bunch of stuff I found on the Internet."  
  
Fred couldn't keep silent any longer. There were some serious misconceptions floating around the room and she would do her best to clear them up. "Well, Cordy's not an unwed mother. I mean, she is unwed. Not that she won't get married one day. I mean, who's to say really. She's still young. What I meant is that Cordy's not a mother-not in the true sense of the word, although I suppose that it does take a village and she is the closest thing Connor's got and now everyone's staring at me so I'll stop talking now."  
  
While everyone stared at Fred and tried to make sense of her bizarre monologue, Angel wondered why what she said made him…angry. _Every time we have to clear up what Cordy's role is, it annoys me. _He didn't like hearing Cordy say stuff like "Oh, he's not mine. I wish!" And she'd been having to say it more and more lately. To people who thought she was Connor 's mother, people that thought she and Angel were together.  
  
"Look," Buffy said loudly. "Is Cordelia that baby's mother or not, I just want a straight answer."  
  
"Actually, lambkin," Lorne said, finally stepping into the spotlight, "that' s not really the question you should be asking. I think what you really want to know is-"  
  
"Where's Daddy?" a freshly changed Cordy said as she came down the stairs with a freshly changed Connor in her arms. "Where's daddy," she cooed again. When she came to the bottom step Connor caught sight of his dada and raised his arm, gurgling incoherently. "There he is! Good boy. Your so smart!" Cordy looked up proudly and realized that she was getting more than one odd look. "What's everyone looking at? You all look like…Angel, didn't you explain-no of course you didn't. Well clearly, if I want anything done right I have to do it myself.  
  
***********   
  
Twenty minutes later, Buffy found herself slightly calmer. Cordelia had made good on her promise to clear everything up. She still had that up front, no holds barred way about her. That was still the same. Her hair and clothes however, were not. The haircut was still trendy but it seemed like it was short merely to keep it out of her way. And while Cordelia's jeans were those fun potassium blasted boot-cut kind that looked great with her black high heeled boots and her v-neck white tee-shirt set off her fabulous tan, it was still Cordelia Chase in JEANS AND A TEE-SHIRT. 

Weirder though, was that it worked on her. She looked strong and comfortable…and capable. She had just simultaneously explained the past year and a half in the life of Angel Investigations, ordered pizza for the entire group, gotten everyone a drink, answered the phone three times, and shouted out wedding menu and location ideas to Xander-all while bouncing a baby on her hip. It was all a little much to take in. 

_So much for coming to LA to see how LITTLE things had changed._ There was Angel of course. He had quietly sat down like the rest of them while Cordelia took over. He looked as he always had. Those dark good looks and those wide shoulders still sent small shivers through her. His dark brown eyes still seemed to see so much. At the same time, he didn't look THE SAME. There were small differences. The half-smile on his face didn't seem as tense or awkward as it once had. He sat differently, more at ease, and she noticed him make the occasional comment under his breath to the man who sat next to him…Gunn she thought his name was. And there was a warmth in his eyes as he watched the whirlwind that was Cordelia. _Why was that? Oh duh, cause she's holding Connor. His son. God, Angel has a son._   
  
As Cordy finished the story and people starting arguing about the best pizza toppings, Angel wondered to himself why he hadn't told Buffy about Darla and Connor before. Why it was that his first urge upon seeing life he helped create hadn't been to call Buffy and tell her about it? And why wasn't this nicer, having her pop in like this? _Seeing her, that should be a good thing, right? She's still beautiful, still an uncommon mix of strength and fragility._ But that feeling that used to come whenever he looked at her, that wasn't there now. Years ago, in Sunnydale, Buffy had been the embodiment of everything he wasn't supposed to have. He always had felt that overpowering sense of WANT when he saw her, like he was constantly reaching for something that dangled just inches away from his grasp. He would see her and always want to be closer; it never seemed as if he could get close enough. It wasn't like that now.  
  
He looked at Cordy as she let Connor grab on to her index finger while she kidded to Willow about her sexier new look. It wasn't like that with Cordy either. He never got that yearning to be closer. He HAD yearnings for Cordy, lots and lots of yearnings, but not like that. He never felt like Cordy was just out of his grasp. _I mean, certain things with Cordy are out of my grasp RIGHT NOW, but that could change and even if it doesn't, she 's still there, reachable._ But Cordelia never left him wanting more. She would roll those eyes of hers at him and he felt like he couldn't possibly be any closer to a human being. Over the years, Cordy's walls, when it came to him at least, had come down. Her openness, her willingness to expose that vulnerability to him, was the greatest act of trust, of faith, he had ever witnessed.  
  
Cordelia, despite the fact that she looked totally into a mock fight with Wes and Xander about prom, was very aware of the subtle tension that floated around the room. _You don't need to be a Seer to figure out the tension is coming from Broody and Blondie. Arhhh. _Already, Angel seemed quieter…the descent into a full-on Buffy Brood-fest had begun. Cordelia nodded at some comment Wes made about how she had thrown herself at him while she actively decided that Buffy and Angel weren't going to be something she could ignore, something she could hope would just go away. It would never go away. Angel would always love her. Anyone else-even amusing, loyal and incredibly stylish seers-anyone else would just be a substitute. _Okay, so I can accept that clearly I don't play a part in the Angel and Buffy Story. I just need to put away these icky lovey feelings I've been having. Did I just say lovey? I mean lusty, it's purely a physical thing. It's not like I love Angel. I don't. My epiphany, that was just about WANTING him… He just makes me horny, it's not like he makes me feel safe...or important...or...happy. _Cordelia figured everyone had had just about enough of those looks the star-crossed lovers kept shooting each other, and even though it killed some small part of her to do it, she was clearly going to have to give the two a hand. _Oh, yeah, just call me Cupid. _  
  
"So, the pizza won't be here for a little while. Fred, why don't you show Xander and Willow and Dawn to some rooms so they can get their stuff put away. Gunn and Wesley, I know how much you want to come help me clean up the kitchen. And Angel," Cordy said, turning toward him and handing him the baby, "I bet Buffy would love to see the gardens." And she walked into the kitchen; not waiting for any particular response, confident as always that her wishes would be obeyed.   
  
***********   
  
The night air was cool and comforting. At Cordy's suggestion (if it could be called that) Buffy and Angel and Connor had come outside to the garden. Fred had spent a great deal of time out there and the hard work had paid off. Even in the moonlight, it was fragrant and beautiful. For a minute, neither of them made any effort to talk.  
  
"I guess you have lots of questions," Angel ventured. He didn't turn to look at her, instead keeping his eyes on his son, who was sucking greedily on a pacifier.   
  
Buffy didn't look at him either. For the second time today she was finding her shoes very intriguing. "Not really. Cordelia, she pretty much covered everything. I guess, it's just that-"  
  
"You're shocked. You have every right to be."  
  
"Well, yes, cause Darla not staying dead and you having this big hotel and a real company and enemies that I haven't helped you fight and then you and Darla with the sex and you having this big epiphany and then some vampire hunter comes with his Van Helsing action and you're doing the single dad thing and well, yeah, it is slightly shocking. Especially-".  
  
"Especially finding out all that stuff all at once," Angel said, nodding his head.  
  
"I was going to say, especially the part where Cordelia's hair is short…and BLOND."  
  
Connor seemed to think Cordelia's name was license to start babbling and some of the tension was relieved as he mumbled in his own little language and grabbed at Angel's nose.  
  
"He's cute," Buffy offered. Angel smiled at that. Buffy didn't really know how she felt about the baby. She wasn't overwhelmed with the need to hold him and she wasn't telling herself that the baby should have been hers. It' s not like she resented the baby, she was just disconcerted by it. Cause it was disconcerting when your ex-boyfriend who couldn't go out in the sun and liked to drink blood was brushing kisses on a baby dressed in a onesie with a giant yellow duck on it. "He kinda looks like you." Angel smiled even more at that. "He doesn't, however, seem to have inherited your sense of style. Where's the black outfit with the matching black booties?"  
  
Angel was glad Buffy seemed okay enough to joke about the baby. "Cordelia says no leather until he turns one-although between you and me, I've already had a jacket ordered from Baby Gap." Buffy laughed and finally felt comfortable enough to reach out her hand and brush her fingertips over Connor's forehead. "And as for the ducks, I'll have you know that Cordy says he's supposed to wear bright colors, because he's a summer." Angel noted that Buffy's smile seemed to shrink and she pulled her hand back from the baby. "I'm an autumn," he said, trying to bring back the lighthearted mood. "At least that's what Cordy says."  
  
"Cordy sure seems to say a lot of stuff."  
  
Buffy looked like she wanted to say more and the look made Angel think he probably didn't want to hear it. He knew the two girls had never been the best of friends, but he really didn't want to hear Buffy talk about Cordelia. He tried to change the subject. "Not that you need a reason or anything, but I've been wondering why you're here. Why now?"  
  
Buffy seemed to tense up but her voice was even when she responded. "There WAS no particular reason. I wanted to see a familiar face. I wanted to see your face. I missed you, you know. I might even have missed Cordelia-who, by the way, is so not a familiar face right now."   
  
Angel cringed inside. So the whole subject change thing was clearly not going to happen. _Isn't it just a little odd that she's not bothered by the fact that I am holding a child who by all rights shouldn't exist and yet she clearly has problems with just the idea of Cordelia. _  
  
"I mean, her whole Soccer-mom act, that's new."  
  
Angel clenched his teeth and tried to sound as if the comment hadn't bothered him. "It's not an act Buffy. She's taken on a lot of responsibility. She's made a lot of sacrifices that she shouldn't have had to make. Cordy, she's-"  
  
"And when exactly, did she become Cordy?"  
  
Angel knew he wasn't imagining the bite in Buffy's tone but he didn't know how to respond to it. "Well, it's been three years."  
  
"Sorry, it's just a little hard to imagine her all nurturing. I mean, I can totally picture her wigging out over getting baby drool on her clothes."  
  
"Oh she's fine with the baby drool. Now demon slime, she still has issues with that."  
  
"So she whines a lot, does she?" Buffy was really looking for something bad about Cordelia. Actually, she was looking for Angel to say something bad about her.   
  
"Oh no, she just quietly puts her dry cleaning bills on the company credit card." Angel didn't know where this conversation was going but he didn't like it. If Buffy thought he was going to join her in this weird need to criticize his best friend, she was wrong.  
  
Luckily, before Buffy could say anything else, Willow popped her head out the door and announced that the pizza was there.

TBC….

Feedback appreciated


	3. Wait For The Midnight Hour

**Part 5**: Wait for the Midnight Hour   
  
It was a little after midnight Angel noted. It was a very sad day when a vampire was exhausted before the night had really started. _But most vampires don't have to deal with teething babies and houseguests. _Connor wouldn't go down, which was understandable cause hey, teething, that had to hurt. Angel had tried all the suggestions in the baby book and so far had only seemed to make Connor crankier. Angel was actually feeling a little cranky himself.   
  
Dinner hadn't exactly been fun. It was exactly like one of those scenes from a movie, where everyone is uncomfortable and everyone knows that everyone else is uncomfortable and there is nothing they can do about it. Buffy had been quiet and Angel didn't know if that was shock or what. Wes harassed poor Dawn with questions about her origin until he finally realized he was pissing her off—he spent the rest of the meal quietly whispering to Fred and making notes on a paper napkin. Angel thought Gunn might have been a little upset at the sudden Wes and Fred chumminess but Gunn apparently didn't notice. Probably since he had been too busy hating Xander. Xander and Cordy had bickered for most of the meal, and it was hard to tell if they were kidding or not. Twice Angel had to kick Gunn under the table to keep him from lunging at Xander (once because he asked Cordy if her breasts were real cause he "wasn't sure they had felt real that time in the closet", and again when Gunn caught Xander looking at the aforementioned breasts). In between bouts with Xander, Cordelia and Willow made awkward small talk.  
  
Angel didn't really know what to think. He knew that Cordy was always a little outside of the group, but he hadn't been aware of the whole weird dynamic. When he was in Sunnydale he was too focused on Buffy to pay much attention to Scooby interaction and in LA there was pretty much a silent agreement to forgo discussions of time spent on the Hellmouth. It was just a little sad, that these were her closest friends from high school. These were the people she kept pictures of on her refrigerator. She had to know that there were no pictures of her stuck to Buffy's fridge with a magnet shaped like a giant pair of lips. Angel frowned at that. Cordy deserved better.   
  
"Special delivery for Mister Fussy Vampire Spawn," Cordelia said as she opened the door and walked in. She didn't bother to knock and once again, Angel was more pleased by that than annoyed. "Let's see I've got some yummy pacifiers, straight out of the freezer and…oh some ice chips and if that doesn't work…um…I'll sing "Somewhere out there" until he realizes that sleep is the only escape." Cordelia shrugged and hopped on the bed next to Angel. She was silent for a moment, but both parties knew that couldn't last long. "So why were you frowning when I came in?"  
  
"Could it have anything to do with the fact that my child is in pain and I can't help and all I want to do is lie down and sleep for the next…ever?"  
  
"First of all, you are talking more and more like me everyday and I have to tell you, I am very flattered. Second, you could have been frowning about all that stuff but you weren't."  
  
"You don't look so perky yourself right now," Angel commented.  
  
"They don't like me," Cordelia responded with a shrug of her shoulders. "And I would have once said it didn't bother me even though it did bother me, even then. And it doesn't bother me A LOT now, but it does bother me."  
  
"Cordy, of course they like you." Cordy gave him that look; the "are you crazy" look and Angel realized this was the wrong tactic to take. He knew, after the incident with Angelus, that Cordelia preferred honesty to politeness. "Okay, so they aren't your biggest fans. But who cares?"  
  
"I just told you. I care."  
  
"Why? I mean, you have friends, friends who adore you and would do anything for you. How Buffy and her friends feel about you shouldn't be so important."  
  
Cordelia sighed. _He doesn't understand. _"Angel, I totally agree with you, IN THEORY. But the Scoobies, they are important. I mean, hello, we wouldn't be together today if it weren't for them." _Oh shit, please don't let that sound like I meant we were together together. _"Besides that, their opinions do matter. You know that. Unless you're trying to tell me you don't care what Buffy thinks." Angel didn't disagree right away and Cordy was about to continue when he finally spoke.  
  
"You don't need to try and impress them. If they can't see all the wonderful things I see when I look at you, then…."  
  
"Then… what?" Cordy said. _Did he really just say that? What wonderful things does he see? How come he never tells me the nice stuff?_ "Then…you'll beat them all up?" she asked with a smirk.  
  
"Well, I won't beat all of them up. How about we just let Gunn have a go at Xander?" The baby was quieter now and Angel didn't think it was wrong to attribute a little of that to Cordelia's presence. That's what she did, to both men—she swept in and started making them feel better without them even noticing. "Connor's settling down now."  
  
"Not for long. I give it two or three hours before he's up howling again. You'd think his father was a werewolf." Cordelia caught Angel's eye and made a face. "Okay, I just got the grossest mental picture of Darla with Oz." She shook off the icky-ness while Angel put Connor down in his crib. It didn't matter what he was doing, anytime that man moved he was sexy. How someone so big and strong could move so quietly was beyond her. _Ooops, Danger Will Robinson! Shake off those kinds of thoughts._ Angel sat down again on the bed and the two found themselves lying on their sides facing each other.  
  
It was odd the difference one tiny baby could make. Without Connor's presence in the bed everything seemed different, scarier. Cordy bit her lip to hold herself back from doing what she really wanted to do cause what she really wanted to do involved lunging at Angel and no good could come of that. She had learned to take rejection from directors, she had learned to take rejection from the stupid Scoobies, but she'd be damned if she got rejected by her best friend. And the only way to avoid that was to avoid offering him certain things to reject. _You so need to get out of here Cordy. _  
  
"I should be getting home." She looked at Angel, who only gave a slight nod. "It's getting late and knowing Buffy there will be some sort of apocalypse tomorrow and if the world's going to end, I definitely want my beauty sleep." Angel still didn't talk. He gave a half-smile and just kept staring at her with those eyes of his. She wondered what he saw.   
  
Cordy looked down and then back at Angel. "Yeah," she said softly, "so I should…go." Angel didn't speak or move. _Say something damn it! Say "okay see you later" or "don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out" or grab me and say "I'm not letting you leave this bedroom until I've found erogenous zones you didn't even know you had." _Angel didn't of course say any of those things and Cordelia realized she would have to get up. She let out a soft sigh that she didn't realize he heard and had moved maybe half an inch when a hand on her thigh stilled her.   
  
"Stay." He didn't growl it or beg it—he wasn't even really asking it, he just said it, like it was a fact. Cordy's eyes widened involuntarily and that must have scared him a little because he removed the hand from her thigh _(No, you can keep that there _she thought) and he said, "I, I mean you should stay. For Connor."  
  
"Connor's asleep," Cordelia said, but she had a tiny smile on her face that made Angel confident. The hand that had been on her thigh moved to her shoulders. He began rubbing and kneading the tension out.   
  
"Sure he's asleep now. But you yourself said that wouldn't last long. How can you abandon us now?"  
  
"I…," Cordy trailed off. She couldn't talk, she could barely breath. Angel knew just where to touch. _Oh Jesus! _"Fine, I'm staying. You don't have to bribe me with backrubs," she said, more harshly than intended. _Well, one of us has to be sensible. _Cordelia turned over onto her other side, so that Angel now faced her back. He didn't move, but all of the sudden Cordelia swore that she heard another soft disappointed little sigh, and this time it hadn't come from her. In that moment Cordelia didn't know what to do. She didn't have a clue what was going on here. _It almost seems like…he likes me. No, that can't be. Besides, even if he does sorta like me, it's not like love, it's not like how he feels about Buffy. Which so makes anything between us just so completely doomed. Cause ultimately, it would be just like Xander, where I am constantly reminded that I run a far second to the Slayer. _  
  
She didn't want to hurt his feelings but she didn't know what he was wanting to happen and she was worried they were playing with fire and she really didn't want to be the one that got burned. She shut her eyes tightly and heard another little sigh. With that sound, Cordelia decided that she was sick of being the smart one. If Angel didn't have to be sensible, than why should she? She didn't do anything crazy like rip off her clothes and jump his creature of the night ass. Nope, she wasn't going to be the smart one but that didn't mean she was the crazy one either. Instead, she just reached behind her, grabbed Angel's hand, pulled his arm down over her, and yanked his body closer. _Ha! I'm being spooned by Angel and it's probably a horrible idea but I'm not going to think about the stupid consequences, cause I've had a really hard day and dammit, I deserve this. _Angel gave her a little squeeze and let out another sigh, but it was different than the other two—it sounded content. And Cordelia, glad to know that she was neither smart nor crazy but rather a combination of them both, fell asleep. 

***************

Skulking around cemeteries for the better part of six years should mean that you don't get spooked easily. But Buffy was. Spooked that is. It was three in the morning and she was in the Hyperion lobby and it was dark and she was alone and the place was really big and hell, it looked haunted during the DAYTIME so yeah, she was a little spooked. She knew she should be asleep in the room she was sharing with Dawn, but the whole sleep thing just wasn't working for her. The baby had been crying in the room down the hall for the past ten minutes and she was in a strange bed and…_Okay, a small, very twisted part of me misses Spike. _It was weird, cause it wasn't like she was horny and she missed sex with Spike (all though she wouldn't turn it down right now if it was offered). _I just miss HIM. Talking to him, knocking him around a little._ It was very disturbing to realize just how large a part of her life Spike had become. How not a day went by without seeing him. _Oh lord, I came here to forget about Spike, not wander around thinking about him. _Buffy decided to do some subtle snooping, for distraction.  
  
She walked over to where the desks were and saw a picture of her in a silver frame. It was one with Xander and Willow when they were at the Bronze—it looked like senior year of high school. _Angel has a picture of me on his desk. That has to mean something right?_ The thought warmed her for a second, until she realized that she didn't remember posing for Angel. In fact the idea of Angel walking around Sunnydale with a camera seemed a little ridiculous. _So then… _Buffy looked down at the desk the picture rested on. The presence of a bottle of perfume and a computer meant that the picture and the desk weren't Angel's, they were Cordelia's. Buffy really didn't want to think about why Cordy had pictures of the Scoobies on her desk. _Didn't she hate all of us?_   
  
Even the desk spoke of how much Cordelia had changed. There was a Parents magazine tucked in between Cosmos. There was a schedule for a Mommy and Me swim class lying on the chair. It was very disconcerting, so Buffy walked over to the other desk.   
  
This was Angel's. It was relatively bare. There was a pad of paper, a few pens, and a book of short stories by Edgar Allen Poe. _Ahhh, that's my stuffy 250-year-old boyfriend. _But looking closer, Buffy saw other things. There was a Sony Discman that had a piece of tape that said GUNN on it. There was a bottle of OPI nail polish in "chick flick cherry" that Buffy prayed was Cordelia's. It was sitting on top of a post-it from Wes, saying that Angel still owed him for those Laker tickets. And the calendar on the right hand corner of the desk had "Fred's B-day" written on it, with a red circle around the date.   
  
It was so strange, seeing that other people existed for Angel now; once she was his entire world. Buffy looked around the empty room, to make sure no one was coming, and then opened the top desk drawer. There wasn't much in there. There was a musty smelling book an ancient demon rituals. An invoice. Two pacifiers. And a piece of paper, no it was a picture, lying face down. Buffy picked it up and turned it over and stopped breathing.   
  
It was of Angel and Cordelia with Connor. Neither of them had been looking at the camera—they clearly hadn't known they were having their picture taken. Cordelia was sitting on the couch in what must be her apartment. Her hair was longer and less blond—put up in a messy ponytail—and the red sweatshirt she wore had a stain on the upper right corner. The baby was asleep in her arms with this peaceful blissed out expression on his face. Angel was crouching on his knees behind the couch. One arm was around Cordy's shoulder while the other reached toward Connor. Cordelia's head was arched back and she was shooting a huge smile at Angel. Angel was also smiling, a small secret smile, as he looked down, tilting his head toward her.   
  
Buffy didn't know what this picture meant. She didn't like the things that it could mean. She didn't like that Angel kept the picture in his drawer. _Maybe, maybe he doesn't have that many pictures of Connor. Maybe this is the only picture he has and Cordelia just happens to be in it. Why couldn't the guy just have taken his son to the portrait studio at Sears, if he was so hard up for pictures? _Buffy acknowledged that reason and rationality were clearing running scarce, then she did something even more irrational. She stuffed the picture into her back pocket. She didn't know why but she couldn't stop herself from doing it.   
  
"Buffy."  
  
It was Angel's voice. Wasn't she supposed to be able to sense when vampires were approaching? She quickly turned her head towards the sound of his voice. He was slowly coming out of the shadows with a wiggling Connor in his arms. "What are you doing up so late?" he asked as he walked over to the kitchen.   
  
"Three in the morning really isn't all that late," Buffy said as she followed him into the kitchen and watched him take a frozen pacifier out of the fridge.   
  
"Well I don't know if I agree with you, but Connor certainly does."  
  
"I should be more tired, I guess. It's hard to relax and go to sleep if I haven't patrolled."  
Angel didn't say anything and for a minute Buffy just watched him with the baby. _I don't think I'll ever get used to that._ "It's weird," she commented. "I mean, it's not bad weird, but it is different, to see you with him, like that. Makes me wonder what happened to my brooding tai-chi-doing boyfriend."  
  
Angel's hand stilled on Connor's back when he noted that Buffy had used the word boyfriend and it had a disturbingly "present tense" feel to it. Buffy didn't notice it, but she did notice how Angel kept looking around the hotel nervously. "Angel, it's okay, I understand exactly how you feel, because I feel it too," she said soothingly, hoping to make him less nervous. Angel merely shot a confused look in her direction so Buffy went on. "Being together again, its bound to be a little strange. All those old feelings coming rushing back again, it's bound to be a little…disconcerting."  
  
Angel was definitely disconcerted. _What the hell is Buffy talking about? And since when am I still her boyfriend? _Angel wasn't nervous because he was alone with Buffy. He was nervous because if he didn't head back upstairs soon, Cordy would start to wonder what had happened and then she would come downstairs and…_We have a hard enough time justifying it to ourselves when Cordelia spends the night, I doubt trying to make Buffy understand would make it any easier. _  
  
"Buffy, look, I—". There was a sudden noise and Angel and Buffy both turned to see Cordelia quietly walking down the stairs. She stopped when she caught both pairs of eyes on her.   
  
Cordelia immediately noted the suspicious way Buffy's eyes roamed over her and inwardly cringed. _Why did I get out of bed? Why? _She looked at Angel and saw the whole "deer caught in the headlights" thing he had going and this time she gritted her teeth. So, he must REALLY not want Buffy to know that Cordelia had been upstairs with him. _Oh, cause the idea of me and Angel in bed together, that's what, like too horrific to contemplate? Okay, fine. I'll rescue him. Don't want to cause any problems for the star-crossed lovers, now would I? _  
  
Cordelia called on the inner soap-opera-star. "Wow, I didn't think it would be so crowded down here at almost four in the morning. I, uh, fell asleep in Fred's room. We stayed up late doing that thing where girls just lay there and talk, you know—"  
  
"Girl talk?" Buffy offered.  
  
"Yeah, exactly. So I must have fallen asleep. And then I just woke up cause I was, um, thirsty, so I called out to Dennis to bring me a glass of water and that's when I realized that I wasn't at home." _Nice job, Cordy. I threw in a few extra details, did the whole 'I'm confused cause I just woke up thing.' Man, I so deserve an Emmy. Or at least a People's Choice Award._ "So," she said glaring at Angel, "I'll just get my purse and be on my way." No one spoke again until she reached the bottom of the stairs.  
  
"Wow Cordy," Buffy said, "I don't think I've ever seen you this way before. All messy…and tired looking." Cordelia bit back a retort and walked over to her desk. But Buffy wasn't going to let this one go. "Seriously Angel, look at her. Does Cordelia remind you at all of the fashionista she was in high school?"  
  
Cordelia waited a split second for Angel to put the baby down and knock Buffy the fuck out, but then she remembered that would only happen in a perfect world. The world she lived in: clearly not perfect, since Angel apparently didn't feel the need to defend her at all.  
  
Angel noted the way Cordelia had flinched at Buffy's words. He was angry that his seer was hurting and he was confused as to why Buffy was saying those things. But most of all, he didn't know what to say. Who to support. Finally he just quietly said, "She's nothing like she was then." Cordelia bit her lip and shook her head slightly. It was nice, but a thinly veiled compliment that Buffy wouldn't understand at all was not the kind of back up Cordelia had been looking for.   
  
"I know Angel," Buffy agreed. "I don't think the old Cordelia even owned a sweatshirt. I guess someone finally found the softer side of Sears herself."  
  
Cordelia guessed that somewhere, deep down, she probably deserved a comment like that. After all she had never been a saint, even now. But it still hurt. She hated that Buffy made her feel ashamed of who she had been AND who she was now. She hated being put down in front of her best friend and getting no visible reaction. In that moment, Cordelia hated Buffy and Angel. _Just get out of here. No good can come from prolonging this. Just leave._   
  
"Well, as fun as this is, it's late. I'll see you three tomorrow." Cordy shot a final glare at Angel, yanked open the door, and walked out…only to immediately walk back in backwards.  
  
"Are you coming or going Cordelia, make up your mind," Buffy said, before she saw the reason Cordy had walked back inside. There, in the door of the Hyperion, in the middle of L.A., where Buffy had fled to get away from Spike, was…Spike. She froze.  
  
Angel however, reacted immediately. He grabbed Cordelia, yanked her behind him, thrust her the baby, and put on his game face, all in about three seconds.   
  
Buffy shook off the shock and went to stand in front of Spike. "What the hell are you doing here?" she yelled. Angel turned to look at Buffy. The way she yelled at Spike, that's not how you yelled at your enemy. That's how you yell at exasperating, frustrating people that you happen to almost love. Angel knew, cause that's how he yelled at Cordy.  
  
"Wait, so you're the one who leaves town, lies about where you're going, and I'M the one who is getting screamed at," Spike said.  
  
"It's none of your business where I go and who I go to see."  
  
"Clearly you were concerned about what I'd think, otherwise why'd you go and lie about it," Spike shot back. "Why did you think you couldn't tell me that you'd come here, to see him," he sneered, gesturing to Angel. Angel growled lowly, but didn't speak.  
  
"I didn't tell you cause I knew you'd show up here. And I don't want you here. I don't want you anywhere near me."  
  
"Oh really," Spike drawled reaching for his cigarettes. "That's not what you sa—"  
  
"Hey, sorry to interrupt," Cordy said stepping out from behind Angel before he could stop her. "Not to interfere with the whole lovers quarrel your doing but smoking is like such a big no-no here. You know, with the baby and all." Spike didn't seem to pick up on the baby reference but he did put the cigarettes away before turning back to Buffy.  
  
"Listen love."  
  
"Don't call me that. Why are you here, why did you come here?" Buffy said angrily.  
  
Angel decided the time had come to speak up. He didn't know what was going on between Buffy and Spike and he didn't want to. He just wanted Spike out and Cordelia and Connor back upstairs in his bed. "Spike, I for one don't care why you are here. I just want you gone."  
  
"Ahhh, I'm wounded. This is how you are greeting family these days." Trying to lesson the tension, Spike turned to Cordelia. "Cheerleader. Like the new look. It says 'I'm casual, yet still cuddly'." Cordelia smiled before she could stop herself and Angel growled again, this time loud enough for everyone to hear. "Oh chill, ya giant poof. Didn't the Scoobs tell you? I'm chipped. Can't harm the walking Happy Meals. I fight the evil now, you know, all the stuff that goes bump in the night? I'm on your team now. Ask Buffy."  
  
"I don't need to ask Buffy anything. I know that I want you out of here and away from my family. Chip or no chip, I don't trust you."  
  
For some reason, Buffy was slightly annoyed with Angel's tone. _I mean, I don't want Spike here either, but I should handle throwing him out. And Angel didn't have to be so mean. _She was also slightly annoyed at the vague flirtation Spike had thrown towards Cordelia. "Spike, we'll talk about this when we get back to Sunnydale. You should go home now."  
  
"I'm not going anywhere. Don't think I don't know what you're trying to do by coming here Slayer. I know you."  
  
"No. You don't. You don't know me at all."  
  
"I'm not leaving until we talk about this."  
  
"I am so not talking to you now Spike."  
  
"Fine. Than Angel, I'd like a room for the weekend. Smoking of course, preferably a queen sized bed."  
  
"You're not staying here," Angel and Buffy said at the exact same time. The two of them and Spike now stood very close together right in front of the door. All of the sudden, Angel's head shot up. Cause if he wasn't mistaken, he smelled something on Buffy and he smelled the same thing on Spike. Sex. They were having sex. Presumably with each other. Angel tried to process this while Spike and Buffy had a staring contest, until, finally, a voice of reason was heard.  
  
"Oh that's it. It's four in the morning. I'm tired. I want to go home. I can't go home knowing that Connor is going to have to listen to you three fight all night. So here's what's going to happen. Spike, you can't stay here. You tortured Angel the last time you came to town. Your record with us is not good. However, since daylight is fast approaching, I'm going to be a total idiot and let you come stay with me."  
  
"Spike is not staying with you," Angel said, putting his hands on Cordelia's shoulders.   
  
"You are not staying with Cordelia," Buffy said, grabbing Spike by the collar.   
  
Cordy ignored the large vampire in front of her and quirked her eyebrow at Spike. "Well, it's up to you."  
  
Spike detangled Buffy's fingers from his shirt and nodded. He didn't know why the chit was being so…nice. Not just the fact that she was being nice to him, but the fact that she was being nice at all. He remembered her being somewhat…less nice. "Thanks for the hospitality cheerleader."  
  
The fact that Cordelia had invited Spike for a sleepover and the fact that Spike had accepted seemingly shocked Angel and Buffy into a stupor. They stood there silently as Cordy handed Connor to Angel and Spike picked her purse off the floor and carried it for her. When they reached the door, Spike mumbled "So, the baby. I gather that's not a late night snack, is it?" Cordy just shook her head tiredly, saying, "I'll explain later." And then they were gone.  
  
Angel and Buffy continued to silently stare at the door for several minutes. Finally Angel said, "He better not hurt her."  
  
Buffy sighed and walked toward the stairs. "He won't hurt her. He can't."  
  
"Buffy, if he does hurt her, I will have to kill him. You know that, right?" Buffy simply nodded and walked upstairs.

TBC….


	4. Training Days

**CHAPTER FOUR: TRAINING DAYS**  
  
When Cordelia woke up, it was noon. Sunlight streamed through the shades on her window, but that wasn't what had roused her from sleep. Spike was talking to someone in the living room. She got out of bed and moved closer to the door, trying to figure out who else was in her apartment.   
  
"No, evil Charity, don't kill lil' Timmy," she heard Spike yell and giggled quietly to herself, realizing he was talking to the television. _Poor Dennis, he hates "Passions". _Confident that she didn't have any uninvited guests, Cordy shrugged out of the t-shirt she had slept in and jumped in the shower.   
  
_How odd is it that I hear Spike yelling at a soap opera outside my bedroom and I am totally cool with it? It's so weird. Me and Spike. I think we might be becoming friends. Lord. _She and Spike had gotten along rather well since leaving the Hyperion in the early morning hours. How weird had that been? Cordelia still had no idea exactly why she had even offered Spike a place to stay. Her experiences with him hadn't been altogether pleasant. And yet last night, his presence had been nice; comforting even. She had made fun of the De Soto, Spike made the appropriate shocked noises as Cordelia told the story of Darla's return and demise. He accepted Connor's presence with a typically Spike attitude, remarkably blasé considering the circumstances. By the time they reached her apartment, she was too tired to do much more than introduce him to Dennis and toss a pillow on the couch for him.   
  
In the living room, Spike heard the shower come on and realized Cordelia was up. She seemed like a totally different person than the girl he had known—oops, strike that, the girl he hadn't really known at all back in Sunnydale. She had taken him home with her, gave him all the gossip in between yawns, and even offered to heat up a cup of blood for him. _Why a 21-year-old girl has pig's blood in her fridge is beyond me. _Looking around the living room with a more detailed eye, Spike noticed a few other things that seemed out of place in a young single girl's apartment. There was a collapsible bassinet lying against the wall near the door. He had come across tons of books last night on raising babies (along with a surprisingly enjoyable collection of trashy romance novels). Plus, there were pictures everywhere. A number of Wesley and Gunn, one or two from the Hellmouth, but most of them were of Connor. Actually most of them were Angel and Connor. "Christ, Peaches is all over this apartment," Spike mumbled to himself.  
  
Right then Cordy walked out of her bedroom in a short white terrycloth robe, toweling off her hair. "You even smell like him," Spike said.  
  
"I smell like who?" Cordelia asked.  
  
"Peaches."  
  
"Excuse me, I don't use some 99 cent Suave-like fruity shampoo. This is Bumble and Bumble my friend. It is an intense conditioning and moisturizing formula with extracts from all sorts of stuff, none of which are peaches."  
  
"Not peaches the fruit. Peaches. As in Angel…the fruit," Spike said, smirking.  
  
For some reason, the comment threw Cordelia. She didn't smell Angel on herself. She would know if she smelled like Angel. _Smelling like Angel, would that be a good thing or a bad thing?_   
  
"You don't know whether to deny it or be proud of it."  
  
"Shut up Spike. I don't know what you are talking about. I don't smell like peaches or like Angel. I just took a shower. I smell like Irish Spring."  
  
"No you smell like a certain Irish man."  
  
Cordelia huffed and gave up, walking into the kitchen to start coffee. Spike wasn't going to let her win this one so it was better to just quit fighting. She knew. He was acting just like her.  
  
"Cheerleader, I'll take you up on that offer of blood now," Spike said following her into the kitchen.  
  
As she tossed a bag of blood into the microwave with a shocking degree of unconcern, Spike added, "And then we can sit down and have a nice long talk about you and my grand-sire."  
  
"What about us?" Cordelia asked, not looking up from the coffeemaker.   
  
"The fact that you two are an 'us'. You like him. No, don't try to deny it. I'm not blind you know. Not like I'd need to be Sherlock bloody Holmes to figure it out. You're the kind of chit who can't hide what she feels. Not really."  
  
Cordelia was startled to hear the words that came out of Spike's mouth. He'd been in town for like a total of ten minutes and he knew. _Great, if I'm that obvious, I'm screwed, everyone must know by now. Okay, Cordy, play it cool. Maybe you can convince him that he's wrong. _"Please Spike. Angel and I, we're just friends."  
  
"You're not the first woman to tell me she and Angel were just friends. That was laughable the first time I heard it but it's sounds even more ridiculous now."  
  
"Ughhh," Cordy moaned as she handed Spike a cup of blood. "What's ridiculous is the idea of me and Angel. It's, it's…inconceivable. It's as crazy as saying you're in love with the Slayer." When she didn't get a response, Cordelia looked up from putting Equal in her coffee. Spike appeared to be having a lot of trouble swallowing his mouthful of blood. And if it was possible, he seemed to have gone even paler. "Oh my god. That's it, isn't it? That's why you are here. Cause, cause you…" Cordelia trailed off. She never finished the sentence. She saw that look on his face, that pained, awful look. She wouldn't go there.   
  
Sensing she wasn't going to finish that sentence, Spike opened his eyes and looked at the woman in front of him. She took a sip of her coffee but her eyes never left his, and in them, he saw something. It wasn't pity. Understanding maybe? In that moment, in the silence, the two seemed to reach an unspoken agreement. Things were communicated, things neither felt like talking about out loud, ever. It was very poignant, until Cordelia's stomach growled. Loudly.  
  
"Well," Cordy said. "Since all I have in my fridge is a three-year-old Lean Cuisine and I am really not a fan of the pig's blood, we better head over to the hotel."

********************

By the time they got to the Hyperion it was after one and Cordelia's stomach was playing a symphony of some sorts. When they walked in the door, the scene was as expected. Gunn stood crouching next to the playpen, trying to get Connor to grip a mini-basketball, with a little cheerleading from Dawn. Wes and Fred were hunched over humungous books in Wesley's office. Xander and Willow were sitting on the round couch in the middle of the lobby, looking uncomfortable. And Angel and Buffy were nowhere to be seen.   
  
Everyone seemed to notice the new arrivals at the same time and there was a hushed silence.  
  
"Oh, don't be so dramatic," Cordelia said as she brushed off the confusion and walked over to the playpen, waving at Spike to follow her. "Spike, you know Willow and Xander…and Dawn," Cordy said as Dawn ran to Spike and gave him a warm hug, much to the consternation of everyone else in the room.  
  
"Sorry I lied to you. Buffy made me," Dawn whispered in Spike's ear.  
  
"No worries niblet I know you were just following the Slayer's orders," Spike told her with a smile.  
  
"Ohhhh-kay. So you two are best friends now? Allright, I can accept that. No weirder than anything else around here," Cordy announced. "Anyway, Spike, I know you remember Wesley, and that just leaves Gunn and Fred." Cordelia turned to the two people she had just named. "Yes, before you ask, he is a vampire Fred, and no, Gunn, before you ask, you can't stake him."  
  
Fred came forward, with not a whit of shyness or hesitation. "Hey I'm Fred. I heard a little about you, and I came across your name in a couple of files."  
  
Spike turned to Cordelia. "You have files on me?"  
  
"What can I say, you're a legend," Cordy responded wryly. She really wanted to finish this whole get to know you deal and find out where Angel was. _Because I'm hungry. I can get Angel to cook for me. That's why I want to know where he is. Not because I'm all jealous that he seems to have disappeared with Buffy, the love of his un-dead life. _  
  
Fred was still talking to Spike about the snitches of info she had on him. "Yeah, so, the way I figure it, that scar on Cordy's stomach, that's really your fault. Cause weren't Xander and Willow doing a spell for you when Cordelia found them all—you know—and then she fell and hurt herself." Fred was oblivious to the fact that Xander and Willow were turning incredible shades of red.  
  
"Well that's one way to look at it. Sorry bout that Cor," Spike offered gamely.  
  
Unlike Fred, Cordy wasn't oblivious to the embarrassment Xander and Willow were suffering—she was relishing it. She waved off Spike's apology. "Oh please, Spike, you might have done a little Scoob-napping but you didn't force them to start rolling all over each other. You didn't tell them it was mating season on the Hellmouth." Cordy shot a glare over at the two in question, conveying a bitterness she really didn't even feel anymore. This was just too good to pass up.  
  
Xander didn't say anything, but Willow stood up and was half way through a stuttering apology before Cordelia's honorability got the better of her. "Willow, stop. Please. I was kidding. I'm way over that. No biggie. Got me over that whole crushing on Xander sickness. Hey, I should probably be thanking you."  
  
Willow didn't say anything. Cordelia joking around? Cordelia missing an opportunity to make someone suffer? Cordelia reaching into the playpen and scooping up the baby and looking incredibly natural doing it? Was this like a sign of yet another apocalypse?   
  
Cordelia brushed kisses over the baby's downy head and moved closer to Spike. "And finally, this is the little guy you didn't get introduced to last night." She awkwardly positioned the baby in Spike's arms as the rest of the room nervously looked on. After a couple of seconds of watching an almost fearful Spike rock the baby like the novice he was, Gunn asked if Cordy didn't think Angel would object to this. "Please," Cordy answered, "Angel lets a Pylean demon baby-sit. He buys diapers next door to the butcher shop he buys PIGS BLOOD from. He's in no position to be so picky." Though Cordy did stage whisper to Dawn "If you see him smoking anywhere near that child, stake him." To which Dawn nodded with a giggle.   
  
Finally, Cordelia couldn't hold back from asking. She had been here nearly ten minutes. Still no Angel. Wasn't he the tinsiest bit concerned about her? She had gone off into the night with Spike, who had spent years raping and pillaging, or whatever it was the Fabulous Four had done together. "Since Gunn's here, I guess I better forget the idea of leftover pizza, huh. Well, where's Angel? I could go for an omelet a la vampire."   
  
All Cordelia got was a roomful of people who refused to meet her eye. The gang from Sunnydale wasn't looking because they were trying to imagine the idea of Angel as Emeril Lagasse. The Fang Gang, however, they seemed a little worried. "You guys? Hello? I asked where Angel is? Since it's a little bright outside, I'm assuming he is in residence."  
  
"Well, yeah," Fred finally answered. She wasn't entirely sure why she thought telling Cordelia might be a bad idea, but judging from their hesitation, Wes and Gunn seemed to agree with her. "He's here. He's in the basement. I think he's training…" Cordelia was already heading down the stairs. She didn't catch the last part of what Fred mumbled. "With Buffy," Fred trailed off. More awkward silence. It was becoming the theme of the day.   
  
"So anyone else having a mental picture of Angel in an apron adding blood to stuff and yelling Bam!" Xander wondered. "What, it's a valid question?"  
  
***********  
  
Angel stood near the stairs to the basement, watching Buffy run through a series of exercises with a sword. She was graceful, her motions exhibiting a fluid strength that seemed innate. He knew she preferred crossbows to swordplay, but he had no problem imagining her as a more than worthy opponent. They had been down here for more than an hour now. They worked as well together as they always had—their movements blended so well they seemed choreographed. She'd even given him a few tips on a new spin-kick move. And yet, for some reason, Angel was disappointed.   
  
He had suggested her training with him as a way of getting her to open up. Regardless of what she said, he was positive Buffy had a real motive for coming to LA, other than simply missing him. She had missed him plenty before but that had never had her driving down the Pacific coast to see him. He figured a little time alone and she might allow herself to tell him what was wrong.   
  
So far it wasn't working. Angel didn't know why. When he and Cordy were training, it was an extension of everything else they did. They both remained focused, but they talked. Even when it was just double entendres about weapons or Angel making fun of how Cordelia sweated and he didn't; somehow so much more was communicated, in those quiet moments between lessons. Angel always emerged from the lessons feeling closer than ever to Cordelia. It wasn't like that with Buffy.   
  
There was no element of fun here. The air was charged differently. There had been a tenseness in each of their movements. _With Cordy, the air is charged too, but not like this. Cordy and I get going and it's like this weird electricity buzzing around the room, these sparks that I keep thinking I'll see when we touch. It's almost, it Is arousing. Today the air tastes differently. Like anger and fear and barely restrained violence. _  
  
"You ready for a little hand-to-hand combat," Buffy asked. "I think we've played enough with weapons for the day. Besides…I'm much better…with my hands."  
  
That was the other thing that was a little off, Angel thought. Buffy had been saying things. Things that were pretty odd, considering their current relationship. And she'd also been bringing up random Sunnydale memories at the strangest moments. She'd talked about making out through her window the night she was grounded. She asked him if he remembered the song they danced to at her prom. That was three years ago!   
  
Angel walked over to her, so they stood facing each other on the mat. Her hair was shorter now, but still soft and feminine. She had on black tank top and blue yoga pants, the outfit highlighting her small body's muscled frame. She seemed so…small. Not that she had been big before. Angel didn't know what it was. Buffy had an air of fragility. Despite his knowledge of her strength, she just seemed "breakable." _Maybe it's all those months being down here with Cordy. All that glowing skin, those long sleek limbs, those curves… Always that urge, just barely contained, to reach out and grab, caress, taste. Buffy just gives me the urge to feed her. Stuff her full of comfort food until she seems more stable. _  
  
Angel had been having these thoughts while sparring with Buffy and now he paid for his distraction. She kicked him in the side so he was off balance, grabbed his arm and turned so that he was briefly facing her back. Then she flipped him. He hit the ground with an "Ummph" and was still. _Funny how I don't need to breathe but I can still get the wind knocked out of me. _Suddenly Buffy was straddling him. Neither spoke. She was panting and her eyes, they looked so determined. She moved her hands to his chest. Though the thin cotton of his black tee shirt, he felt the burning heat of her body.   
  
Buffy lowered her head slightly, a tiny movement but it seemed to speak volumes to Angel. He noticed the slight hitch in her breath, the way her fingers gripped his shirt. He mouth opened and she took a breath, like she was getting ready to say something important, but than they both heard feet bounding down the stairs and looked to the left, even though Angel didn't need to. He knew who it was.  
  
***********  
  
_I have no right to be mad. We use the basement to train. It's not like some VIP, invitation only room. Anyone can train down here. Even barely covered way-too-toned looking blond slayers. _Still, it was hard. Cordelia had practically run down the stairs, to her own chagrin, run down like a 12-year-old excited to see her crush, and had walked into a scene from a late-night Skinamax movie. The part immediately before the two leads ripped each other's clothes off and had sweaty sex allover the floor. _Ewww, don't think like that, don't think like that. Come on Cordy, pull it together. _  
  
So, while she could feel a painful vise grip her heart, all Cordy said was, "Wow, nice to see you two getting so much training done." She added a raised eyebrow, hoping for a blasé, "you two crazy kids" attitude.   
  
Buffy didn't make any move to get off Angel. It was like a twisted repeat of the scene she and the Scoobies had walked in on the day before. Except Cordelia wasn't enjoying this one nearly as much.   
  
"Hey Cordy," Angel said nervously. He looked at Buffy, waiting for her to climb off of him. He wanted her off of him. This had felt wrong before Cordelia came downstairs, now it felt worse. When Buffy missed the signals, Angel finally just removed her himself. He sprang up and dusted himself off, surreptitiously glancing at his Seer to gauge her reaction. She just nodded and tapped her foot on the floor. _God she has cute toes. And that skirt. Does she wear that red skirt on purpose? She must know what the color does to men, even non-blood-sucking men. _  
  
"Did you want something Cordelia," Buffy asked in a sickly-sweet voice. Buffy didn't know why everyone was acting so funny. Cordelia looked like she had just swallowed a lemon and Angel looked apologetic, like he had been doing something wrong.  
  
"I want so many things Buffy. Those shoes Sarah Jessica Parker wore in that last episode of 'Sex in the City.' A nice looking stock portfolio. A copy of 'Say Anything' on DVD."   
  
_She seems jealous. Or like she's trying to hide the fact that she's jealous. No, she couldn't be jealous. Not from seeing me with Buffy. I mean, for her to be jealous of that, she would have to…want me. Okay, so that's not it. _No matter the cause of her anger, Angel wanted it gone, SOON.   
  
"As for right now," Cordelia continued with a glare at Angel, "what I want is—"  
  
"Right now you want lunch. Of course you do," he said, soothingly. He walked over to the stairs and placed his hands on her shoulders. "You're probably starving. It's not like Spike cooks. And I bet Gunn ate all the leftover pizza." _Ahh, that got a glimpse of a smile. _"Lets go get you some food," he said. Then her turned her around and followed her upstairs. Neither glanced back at Buffy, who stood in the middle of the mat looking perplexed.   
  
Angel got to the top of the stairs before he yelled down to ask if Buffy was coming. _Am I coming? Am I coming? What just happened here?_ "In a minute," she yelled back and the door shut. Alone now, Buffy looked around the room. She had been trying so hard. Trying to put Angel, and herself, in the mood. She had been so close. _This, this just has to work. Angel is going to kiss me and everything will be okay again. I'll stop licking my lips and missing the taste of Spike. I'll stop. I'll stop._ Buffy looked down at her clenched hands and then at the punching bag in the corner. _What the hell. _

**TBC…VERY SOON**

**….AND DID I MENTION HOW MUCH I LOVE FEEDBACK?**


	5. Eureeka!

**Here's Chapter Five. I want to again thank everyone who's reviewed here or by email, I really appreciate your input.**

Buffy came up stairs fifteen minutes later. She had broken the punching bag. _Okay, so clearly I am having a few issues. Healthy aggression. That's all. _She felt better. She was back to being focused on the job at hand. _Not that Angel is a job. Being with him, that's not a job…is it? No, it's just harder for us to find our, uh, groove. But it's still there. It has to be. _Assuring herself that all was once again right with the world, Buffy walked upstairs and opened the door…and the world was not as she expected.  
  
Wes was walking around the lobby but never looking up from the book in his hand—he even handed Buffy a bottle of water, without even losing his place. He was clearly in high research mode. Fred and Dawn sat on the couch while Spike and Xander took turns holding Angel's miracle child. Buffy wandered into the kitchen where Cordelia sat at the table, painting Willow's nails. Willow had that shy look on her face, one that Buffy hadn't seen in years. It was like she was in awe of the fact that Cordelia was consenting to talk to her. Buffy didn't like that look.   
  
Then there was Angel. The champion of the Powers that Be wasn't sitting in a dark corner or polishing his antique weaponry. He was adding mushrooms and green peppers to a frying pan. He was making eggs. _Alllll-right. So that part's new. _Buffy didn't feel like commenting on the scene—she didn't know who to address the comment to. So she just sat down at the table next to Willow. She listened as Cordelia told Willow about the long-term benefits of getting pedicures on a bi-monthly basis. She watched as Spike laughed, no he almost giggled, when Connor spit up on him. She heard Gunn and Wesley arguing in a friendly way in the doorway of Wes's office. She took note of the way Cordelia would sneak icy glares in Angel's direction and of the way he would bite his lip and look down when he intercepted those looks. Buffy silently took it all in and tried to control the growing dizziness that the scene around her evoked.   
  
Angel was at a loss as to what to do. He could tell Cordelia wasn't entirely happy with him. He might not be great at reading people, but he wasn't blind. _But I didn't DO anything. She's got no reason to be mad._ Angel didn't waste much time pondering that. He just wanted her happy again. Even if she wasn't yelling at him or anything, the past twenty minutes had been awful. It made him realize just how much he depended on trading looks and smiles with his best friend. How Cordy's attitude really could make or break his day. He needed her happy…so he could be happy.  
  
"Cordy, you want a couple of pieces of toast with that? Your omelet's almost done." Angel offered up. She didn't look up from Willow's pinky, only shrugged and mumbled whatever.  
  
"So what are you in the mood for? Wheat? Rye? We might have some white lying around here somewhere."  
  
"Angel don't worry about it," Cordelia said. She blew on Willow's nails. "Just forget the toast. I need eggs, now. I'm getting all weak, from starvation. I don't have the strength to discuss bread with you."  
  
"Right, sure, of course," Angel stuttered. How did she do this to him? She made him feel like a stumbling idiot. "So," he said, sliding the omelet onto a plate and placing it in front of her, "think you feel like training later? I have a couple of moves I'd love to show you."   
  
Angel was walking to the refrigerator when Cordelia's tone froze him in place. "Don't you think you've gotten enough 'training' in today? I'm sure if you haven't Buffy would be more than happy to… finish you off."   
  
Angel decided it would be in his best interest to shrug that one off. _Change the subject. Don't talk about food or training. _"Spike didn't try anything last night, did he?" Willow and Cordelia both noted how Buffy's eyebrows shot up with that comment, but neither said anything.   
  
"No. Of course not. Spike was the perfect guest. Luckily, he doesn't mysteriously get peanut butter on the sheets, unlike SOME PEOPLE."  
  
"Dammit Cordelia, that wasn't me, that was y—"  
  
"Whatever. Anyway," Cordy said, more to Willow than Angel now, "Spike and I had a great time. He's so funny. It's amazing that he's been around for a hundred something years and he's so up on pop culture. Certain people are centuries behind on what's cool." Cordelia knew she was being beyond catty now but she couldn't stop herself. She was hurting and angry and she knew she had no right to be angry and that was just making her angrier. And there was only one person to reasonably take it out on. "And, lordie, that body. I love men with that tight chiseled look. He certainly didn't put on any winter weight. Some vampires do you know. Put on a few pounds."   
  
"Interestingly enough Willow, vampires aren't the only creatures that seem to be putting on weight this winter," Angel bit out before he could stop himself. He heard the swift intake of breath, and in a move largely motivated by self-preservation, he turned to Buffy. "So, Buffy, do you have any plans for tonight?" Cordelia choked on her eggs.  
  
"Oh she has plans. She has all kinds of plans," Cordy mumbled so quietly that only a super-hearing vampire could have heard. Luckily there was one across the table from her. He merely glared in response.   
  
Buffy had to focus for a second before she could answer the question. The things Cordelia had said about Spike…well…it was so rare to hear nice things about Spike. From someone besides Dawn that is. It gave Buffy the wiggins. _Wait, Angel wants to do something with me. That's right. One night with the love of my life and it will stop. I won't feel so gooey when people say nice stuff about Spike. _"Dawn and I have to stop by my dad's later, but I'm free after that. What did you have in mind?" she asked as seductively as was possible.   
  
"Lorne's club is having it's grand re-opening tonight. I think you'll like the place," Angel said.  
  
"I'm sure I'll love it. You know, it doesn't matter what we do," Buffy said, reaching for Angel's hand, "as long as we're alo—."  
  
"Great. Fred, Buffy and her friends are gonna come with us to Caritas tonight. Can you tell Lorne we'll need a table large enough for everyone?"  
  
"Everyone," Buffy repeated shakily.  
  
"I'm afraid I'll have to pass," Wes said re-emerging from his office with Gunn. "I've hit a roadblock on my research. Won't be able to focus until I have that Eureeka moment." Wes grabbed an apple before heading back to his office. "I'll be more than happy to watch Connor for you," he said before shutting the door.  
  
"He actually says 'Eureeka'," Xander asked no one in particular.  
  
"Okay, so everyone but Wes. It's gonna be great," Angel said.  
  
"Yeah, great. Fabulous," Cordelia huffed. "I get to watch you make goo-goo eyes all night. Oh, and if I'm really lucky you'll make a total ass of yourself and decide to sing." The words were barely out of her mouth before Angel's hand clamped down on her wrist, with an intimidating grip. He didn't say anything. He just started walking towards the stairs. Cordy had no choice but to follow him, it was that or be dragged.   
  
***********  
  
Neither of them spoke. Angel just went up the stairs and Cordelia didn't offer any protest. She wasn't stupid. She knew she had been behaving like a cranky adolescent. Angel had every right to be mad. She was actually a little grateful that he had chosen to go upstairs. There's no way she wanted to have to kiss his ass in front of that group of people.   
  
Angle pulled her into his room, finally letting go of her arm. He reached behind her and shut the door. The look on his face wasn't unfamiliar, but it was rare that Cordelia ever saw it directed at her. It was anger. Anger bordering on rage. It was a look she had seen directed at Lilah, even a couple of times at Xander. Not at her though. Not since all the beige-yness. Cordelia leaned back on the door. She decided it might be wise to stay near the exit. Angel stood directly in front of her, silent and unmoving. Finally he crossed his arms. He opened his mouth, then shut it and closed his eyes.   
  
"Okay, care to explain the attitude," he said in a hard voice. Cordelia hated that voice.  
  
"Not really," came her sullen response.  
  
Angle raised one eyebrow in a move reminiscent of herself. "You don't want to talk about why you're acting like such a, a…."   
  
"I think the word you are looking for is bitch."  
  
Angel's eyebrow lowered and his arms fell to his side. He looked a little thrown that she was actually admitted it. He had expected more of a battle.   
  
"That's what I've been acting like," Cordelia continued. "I realize that," she said, now crossing her arms. Angel made a funny face as more of his anger deflated.  
  
"So, yeah, well, why? Did, did Spike tell you something last night? About me? I should have never let you go home with him. I knew he couldn't physically hurt you but Spike, he has this awful habit of talking. He TALKS and ruins everything." Neither of them decided to point out that Angel had gone from angry to apologetic in 3.6 seconds.  
  
"No, it's not Spike. It's… Look, Angel, I'm not perfect." Cordy stopped and rolled her eyes as she noted Angel's smirk. He had raised that eyebrow again, too. "Okay, so you already knew that one. But, it's just, I get a little wacky around the Scoobies. They don't like me much and they come here and make everything weird and then they leave and you do that whole post-Buffy brood session and I hate that and," she trailed and took a deep breath. "I'm losing my mind."  
  
Angel immediately assumed the role of comforter. "No. You're not perfect but you're not losing your mind. This is weird for all of us. It's understandable."  
  
"No, it's not understandable, why I was so mad at you, it doesn't make sense at all. I can't understand why I start feeling threatened the minute they walk in the door. The minute SHE walks in the door. I mean, I saw you two…training…and I just, I—it bothered me. It felt like." Cordelia couldn't finish. She realized she was actually blushing.   
  
Angel couldn't believe she had stopped there. Finally, finally, they were getting close to something. He needed to hear more. "Like what?"  
  
"It's like you were cheating on me in OUR special place. Which is like so completely crazy. Because, number one, the basement is not a special place and, two, HELLO. You and I, we're not, you know.." She said, making some odd motions between the two of them. "And there's no reason I shouldn't expect Buffy on top of you. She has a perfectly legitimate right to straddle. Star-crossed lovers have straddling rights. I get that. It's just the whole thing, I don't know, it threw me. Stupid, huh?"  
  
Angel slowly shook his head. "No, it's not stupid." _So wait, is she trying to tell me that she's jealous. That's what she said. She said she felt like I cheated on her._   
  
"You don't have to make excuses for me," Cordelia said. She sighed and walked a couple of steps closer to him. "My moment of insanity has passed. I promise.  
  
Angel was touching her before he could stop himself. He touched the side of her face, then tucked a strand of hair behind her ears. "You are not insane Cordy. You're not stupid or insane. You—." Angel didn't know what to say. _I can't believe the right moment is finally here and I don't know how to tell her. Should I mention the dreams? Should I tell her I like her, like more than a friend. Geez, why don't I just pass her a note during study hall while I'm at it. _  
  
"I, what?" Cordelia asked. His hand had moved from her cheek to that spot right where her neck met her shoulder. She felt his hand move behind so it was almost cupping her neck and start to pull her forward. Pull her towards him.   
  
Lorne burst in. "Angelcakes. You're progeny downstairs is wanting some Daddy time. Aunty Lorne just won't do." Angel looked down at the ground and let out an unnecessary breath. He released Cordy's neck and started to walk around her.   
  
"You better come back down too, your food will be getting cold," he said softly. Cordy nodded but didn't move, so Angel walked away. Lorne still stood just inside the room, biting his lip.  
  
"Well, do I know how to kill a moment or what?"  
  
"Lorne, that wasn't a moment, that, it was—"  
  
"It was you two coming very close to waking up and smelling the kyrumption. Don't worry sweetie. They'll be another chance. You should probably admit it to yourself first though."  
  
"Admit what?"  
  
"Admit that you know why you were acting like such a shrew downstairs. You know exactly why walking in on them upset you too much. It's not a mystery. You were jealous."  
  
_Well duh. Way ahead of you there buddy._   
  
"And you were jealous because…" Lorne said.  
  
_Because I'm protective of my best friend. And our purely best friend relationship. And some small part of me, okay, every single female part of me wanted to be the one straddling him. And then I could've leaned down and kissed him and told him…that…oh sweet Jesus I'm in love with him. I love Angel. _  
  
Cordy wanted scream, wanted to yell that it couldn't be, but it was too late, it was. Her vacation epiphany hadn't been that Angel was a hottie. It hadn't been that he would make a nice fuck-buddy. It hadn't been about WANTING Angel at all. It had been about loving Angel.   
  
Cordelia's legs felt weak and she slumped onto the bed and proceeded to bury her face in her hands.  
  
"There you go. Guess you just had one of Wes's Eureka moments." Lorne made the comment in a low voice, then turned around and left the room. ****


	6. Close But No Cigar

Chapter Six: Close But No Cigar 

Hours later, long after her Eureeka moment, Cordelia found herself pretty amazed at how well the day had gone. Buffy and Dawn had left to spend some time with their father and frankly, Cordy thought things started to improve about that time. She and Willow had taken Connor to the park. Willow seemed to be warming up to her. _I never thought the day would come when I would be actively trying to get Willow Rosenberg to like me._ But Cordelia was realistic. She didn't have many girlfriends and the circumstances of her life made it hard to make new friends. And Willow, it was turning out, wasn't so bad. They had talked, really talked. Cordelia surprised herself when she had told Willow about the demonization—everybody at AI had agreed it was an unnecessary detail that the group from Sunnydale didn't NEED to know. Willow had talked a little about how much she missed Tara…and magic. Cordy knew it was like the visions—Willow's magic was what allowed her to help people and now that was gone—she could definitely relate.   
  
When they came back from their walk they found Gunn and Angel playing video games with Xander, and the only blood being drawn was on the TV screen (thankfully). Cordelia and Xander continued to bicker for most of the day, and neither of them would have had it any other way. He was annoying and could be crude but she still saw glimpses of why she had once allowed herself to love him.   
  
Fred and Wes had basically locked themselves in Wesley's office. Willow asked what they were researching and it was then Cordelia realized that she didn't know. Those two were being awfully tight-lipped. _It couldn't be a prophecy or anything big, because then they would have told everyone. _Cordelia shrugged it off, figuring they would tell her if it was anything involving the words apocalypse or Armageddon.   
  
The day had actually gone by rather quickly. To an outsider, the group hanging out might not have seemed like a big deal, but that's because they never spent twenty minutes removing William the Bloody's black nail polish. Early evening found the hotel comparatively empty. Fred and Gunn had taken Willow and Xander of a whirlwind tour of LA (Xander wanted to go see real-life hookers). Wes was making a taco run and Spike had disappeared to god knows where.   
  
All in all, not such a bad day.   
  
It had, however, been exhausting. That's why it was 7 pm and Cordelia was sprawled on the lobby couch with her feet laying in Angel's lap. Connor was wriggling around on a blanket they had placed in front of the couch, seemingly fascinated with trying to suck on his toes. They had spent the past several minutes in lovely, comforting silence.   
  
"You know, this wasn't as horrible as I thought it would be," Angel said, echoing Cordy's thoughts.   
  
"Tell me about it. I had a heart-to-heart with Willow. And trying to give Spike a makeover was like the most fun I've had since Christmas."  
  
"I can beat that. I got to instruct Xander on how to change a diaper. I wish I could have videotaped it. And I never threatened him with physical violence, not once."  
  
Cordelia nodded that she was proud of him. "Still," Cordy added, "once every three years."  
  
"Oh yeah, that's more than enough quality time." They both laughed. Angel looked down as he noticed that he had been stroking Cordelia's ankles. All that soft brown skin. "One day I'm going to figure out how you see the sun about as often as I do and you stay so tan," he commented.   
  
Angel was tracing small patterns on her skin, which in turn were creating small explosions in Cordelia's head. _Who knew your ankle was an erogenous zone?_ Cordelia smiled slyly. "That's my secret."   
  
"Is all this color from when you went away with Groo," Angel asked. Cordelia held her breath, hoping more questions wouldn't follow. Of course, they did. "Speaking of that, you never really did tell me what happened."  
  
"That's my secret too," Cordy replied. She didn't feel like meeting Angel's eyes just then, so she turned her head to look at Connor.   
  
"Cordy, you go away with the Groosalug, you come home after less than a week, and all you tell us is that Mexico was very pretty and that Groo went back to Pylea. You can't just leave it like that."  
  
"Oh, I believe I can leave it exactly like that." Cordy was feeling very nervous but she didn't know if it was from the inquisition or the fact that Angel was still running his fingers over her ankles.  
  
"What happened?" Angel just wanted her to answer the damn question. And it wasn't just the fact that he needed to make sure that Groo was gone for good. There was also just the plain and simple fact that she hadn't confided in him. And that's what they were supposed to do. Confide in each other. "I know you told Fred something about an epiphany." Cordelia merely sighed. "Did Groo do something to upset you? Did he hurt you?" Angel's whole body tensed at the thought.  
  
Seeing how riled up Angel was getting, Cordelia struggled into a sitting up position, keeping her feet in Angel's lap. "No, Angel," she put her hand on his cheek and turned his face towards her. "Groo, he didn't do anything wrong."  
  
Angel had to make sure she was physically okay. Even if it meant asking, "Was it, um, the com-shuck, did you—."  
  
"Please tell me you aren't about to ask whether it was good for me."  
  
"No, you, I, I just…"  
  
Cordelia put her hand on top of his, which was actually still on top of her leg. "Look, it's no biggie. I just came to, oh, realize certain things. I was on this perfect trip with this perfect looking guy and all of the sudden I was wondering why I had to keep reminding myself that everything was perfect. And that got me wondering why I had to keep telling myself that Groo was endearingly naïve, not just dumb as rocks. And I realized how hard it was, what with all the reminding and telling myself stuff. It was too hard. Love, I mean, not that I'm the expert, but I don't think love should be so hard. It should be something you just…slide into. It should be like coming home." Cordelia looked down at their still joined hands and shivered slightly. "So I told Groo that it wasn't him it was me, we bought some souvenirs, and I sent him home. The end." Cordy let out a dramatic breath and laid back on the couch.   
  
Angel was smiling widely. _Nice to know I don't have any competition. I mean, it's nice to know if I wanted to make a move on Cordelia like that, I wouldn't have any competition. Okay, now I'm lying to myself. Great._ All of the sudden Angel had a thought. He frowned. "Soooo, this epiphany of yours. Was it the kind of epiphany that one has while walking solo on the beach at sunset or—."  
  
"Or?"  
  
"Or did it happen post, you know, like me, with Darla?" _Did you have sex? Was there nekkidness with the Groosalug? Were someone else's hands in places that only mine should be touching? _  
  
"Angel, you just want raunchy details. It's none of your business whether I commed when we shucked, or whether any shucking went on at all."  
  
_Woman, that is so completely not an answer to my question. _"I'm not looking for details. I'm just saying that, hey, with those teeth and his lack of experience with women from this dimension, I could understand if it ended with a perfect despair-induced epiphany."  
  
_I should probably be defending Groo's skills in the sack, or at least look angry. _But it was hard to worry about Groo's honor when Angel's fingers were tracing higher and higher up her leg. He had to know what he was doing. His thumb was running over that spot right above her knee. That couldn't be an accident. _What were we talking about? Oh, yeah, sex with Groo._ "Angel!"  
  
"What! There weren't a whole lot of cows in Pylea for him to practice on. It's understandable."  
  
Cordelia was having issues with breathing. Angel was definitely leaning towards her now. His eyes held this intent look, like he was after something. And he was looking at her. "Uh, wha, what's understandable?" Cordy asked.  
  
Angel's eyes were hooded and he had this sexual smirk on his face that Cordelia had never seen before. It made her insides go all liquidy. _Oh shit! _Now his hand was on the soft skin of her inner thigh. He was in a restricted area.   
  
"It's understandable, if you didn't, you know. I mean, not ALL champions can be good," his hand went a half inch higher, "at everything."  
  
Cordy knew she was staring and with her mouth hanging open she probably looked like a wide-eyed fish. He hit a particularly sensitive spot and she couldn't hold in a gasp. As gasps went, it sounded an awful lot like a moan. She ran her tongue over her bottom lip and Angel's eyes flared with what looked suspiciously like desire and—  
  
In walked Buffy and Dawn. Cordelia swung her legs off Angel and yanked her skirt down. Angel didn't move, he just sat there, clenching his teeth. _How many times is this gonna happen? Is there some sort of rule, are we not allowed to ever get to the good part?_

  
*****************************************

  
Buffy came in and set her shopping bags down by the stairs, while Dawn headed straight for the baby. For some reason, Buffy still hadn't felt comfortable enough to hold Connor. She wasn't much of a baby person but she had never actually felt afraid to pick up a child before. _This child. I'm just scared to pick up this child. _His very existence only increased the general sense of confusion she had felt since they walked in the door. Dawn, however, had no such qualms. By the time Buffy walked over to the couch, Dawn was playing airplane with Connor and telling Cordy and Angel about their day. _I don't like how that sounds. Cordy and Angel. _  
  
"So, Cordy, my dad's new girlfriend told me I should dye my hair blonder. Whatcha think?" Dawn asked.   
  
Cordelia noted Buffy standing behind the young girl, shaking her head 'no'. "Well you know, Dawnie, I really wouldn't suggest it. Not because you're too young or anything," she added when Dawn's face fell. "It just wouldn't work so well with your coloring. Besides, if you're not trying to catch the eye of any ensouled vampires, why bother with the bleach?"  
  
Buffy coughed. "By the way, Cordelia, have I mentioned how much I LOVE the highlights."  
  
Cordy looked down. She was getting soft in her old age. She had walked right into that one. She snuck a peak over at Angel. Maybe he hadn't heard. _Yeah, cause those vampires, it's not like they have super hearing or anything._ Angel was smirking and Cordy had the weirdest urge to stick her tongue out at him. So she did. _Did he just gulp?_   
  
Spike walked out of the basement. His knuckles were torn and bloody and Angel guessed he had been the one to break the punching bag. He seemed to be in a better mood though. Spike had gotten progressively moodier once Buffy left. Seemed fine now though.   
  
"So children, what are we doing this evening?" he asked.  
  
"We, as in everyone except you, are going to do karaoke," Buffy replied.  
  
Cordy stood up. "Spike of course you are invited to Caritas with us. After all, it's just a bunch of FRIENDS, hanging out." _There, we're even for that comment about the highlights. _  
  
Buffy wasn't clear on what to do. She had come to Los Angeles with very specific plans and so far nothing was turning out the way she thought it would. First of all, this was supposed to be about putting Spike behind her, about finding herself again. How could she find herself when all she saw was him? _I mean, when he's always around. I did not mean that Spike is all I can see. He is not all I can see. I can see many things, things that are not Spike._ Angel had just seemed so distracted. Part of what she had loved about being with him was how focused he had been on her. When she was in the room, she knew she was all he saw, all he breathed. Now, he was definitely distracted and Buffy was starting to get a good idea of what he found so distracting. Cordelia. The self-professed Dating Slayer.   
  
It was hard to see what he saw in her. Sure, when Cordelia was ruling Sunnydale High, she was attractive to boys but that's because dating her promised an upward rise in popularity. But in LA she was very small fish in very big pond, so the appeal of that was gone.   
  
And it's not like she wasn't still cute, but four years ago, Cordelia was so coordinated, so made up, so perfect looking. Every one of her features had always been exhibited to it's utmost potential. Now…not so much. Gone was the icy prettiness. Gone was the calculated but powerful beauty. Angel, he was a guy who appreciated beauty. So…why?  
  
Dawn's laughter drew Buffy out of her reverie. Cordelia was holding Connor, trying to get him to show Dawn how he could stick out his tongue. When he did it, throwing in a spit bubble for an encore, Cordy laughed down at him then looked up and smiled. It was like being struck by lighting. In that moment, Buffy thought she might know why. Buffy didn't even really like the girl, but that smile was like being held by someone you loved.   
  
A sudden burst of warmth and comfort. Who knew Cordelia had something like that inside her?  
  
Buffy turned to see if anyone else noticed it. Spike and Angel were both looking at Cordelia with very similar expressions on their face. Like they were shocked. Like creatures like them didn't deserve to have a smile like that directed their way. A flood of jealousy ran though Buffy's blood.  
  
But that wasn't the worst part.  
  
The worst part was not knowing whether she was jealous because Cordy was being stared at by Angel…or because Spike was looking at her too.   
  
"So, Angel," Buffy said, moving in front of him to break his Cordy-worship. "Maybe you and I could do something tonight, before we go to Caritas." She stared at Angel beseechingly. She didn't see Spike's frown or the way Cordelia moved to lay a commiserating hand on his shoulder. She didn't hear Dawn sigh in annoyance and walk upstairs. She just waited for Angel.   
  
Angel was puzzled. Okay, so he wasn't that puzzled. He had an inkling of what was going on. Buffy was using him to make Spike jealous. Fortunately, he had better things to do than participate in that ill-fated love affair. He wanted to finish his conversation with Cordy. _I can offer to make her dinner. We can go upstairs to give Connor a bath. And then we can lock the door to my room and get the hell out of this limbo we've been in. _Angel realized Buffy was still waiting for an answer. "Actually—."  
  
"Angel, you guys should do something." Cordelia couldn't believe she actually said that. But in a weird way, she was sorta proud. She had overcome all those "fight for your man" urges and just given in to the inevitable. She was like that guy, in that Casablanca movie. Who was all noble. _This is the right thing to do. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, yadda yadda yadda. _"Go to dinner or something. For old times sake."  
  
"Cordelia, Angel is a VAMPIRE." Buffy shook her head, like Cordy had gone retarded.   
  
"Yeah. AND? What, he can escort people to prom and hang out at the Bronze but god forbid he pay for a nice sit down every now and then?" Cordy was not seeing the problem here.   
  
"He doesn't eat dinner food." Buffy was having awful images of Angel sipping blood from a flask at the table.   
  
"You're kidding. Wow! That explains why there's all this blood lying around all the time. Finally the mystery is solved. Thanks Inspector Gadget." Cordelia was getting pissed. Buffy was acting like Angel didn't know how to act in public. Like he was some kind of freak.   
  
Angel put his hand on Cordelia's shoulder. He leaned in and, under the pretense of kissing Connor on the forehead, he whispered for her to behave. Cordelia gave a "Pffft" and rolled her eyes. Angel turned to Buffy. "Actually, dinner sounds like a nice idea. Cordy's been dying to go to this new French place. Spike, I'm sure they have an excellent wine collection."  
  
Cordelia almost had a heart attack. Sweet, adorable, completely dense vampire. How do you live 250 years and not know when you are being seduced. He thought all four of them were going to dinner. _Awwwww, why is that so damn cute? _Cordy saw the way that Buffy's face fell. _I should be enjoying that more. _But it was hard to appreciate the Slayer's frustration. It was all futile. No matter how many twists and turns the plot took, Cordelia was still sure how the story was going to end. _Angel and Buffy will overcome all obstacles and blah blah blah._ "I think you two should go. I want to head home and take a shower. Spike, you care to join me?"  
  
Spike got a huge smile on his face, Buffy's jaw dropped, and Cordy swore that Angel growled. "NOT join me in the shower, join me in going back to my place. Heads out of the gutter people."   
  
Connor had gotten squirmy so Cordelia gave him one last squeeze and put him back on the mat. "Angel, remember to tell Wesley to put on that tape we used last night." In a last ditch effort, Cordelia had put on the "Last of the Mohicans" soundtrack and Connor had magically settled. It had actually been sorta creepy. "And go over diapering with him again, and make sure he is still certified for CPR."  
  
While Cordelia went over nine million details with Angel, Spike snuck up behind Buffy. She knew he was there seconds before he spoke She broke out in goose bumps as she felt his cool breath hit her neck, just under her ear.   
  
"I know what you doing Slayer. You think I don't know why you came here. I suppose I should be flattered. You're so scared of what you feel for me you ran all the way to LA. Well, you can't run from me. From us. Because when you stop fighting this lost cause, I'll still be here, waiting for you." Buffy felt like she had been punched in the gut. She didn't say anything, she just shut her eyes. She kept them closed until Cordelia and Spike walked out the door.  
  
It was shocking to realize that she and Angel were actually alone. And while the lobby of the hotel was no candlelight dinner, or even a romantic stroll through a Sunnydale cemetery, she was pretty sure now was a good time to try a little…rekindling. Angel was sitting on the couch watching his son wriggle around on the floor. She sat down next to him, curling her legs underneath her and leaning towards him slightly. She got his attention by trailing her finger slowly down his arm. That had always worked before.  
  
"So, I'm really glad I'm going to have some time for just us, you know, you and me," she started.  
  
From the floor, Connor made a noise. Angel's face went into worry mode and he leaned over and picked his son up. "Did that sound like a cough to you?" he asked.   
  
Actually Buffy thought the noise had sounded an awful lot like Cordelia's patented "Pfft", but she wasn't about to tell Angel that. "I'm sure it was nothing. Angel," she tried to get him to focus, "I've really been missing you a lot lately."  
  
Angel gave that small sheepish smile that she had seen so many times before. "I've missed you too. We didn't get to talk all that much after you…when you …the last time we saw each other. You seem a lot better now."  
  
Buffy leaned even closer to Angel. "I am better. Just seeing you, being here like this again, it makes everything better."   
  
Angel nodded absentmindedly. "I think I heard that sound again. That wasn't a cough right? A cough would sound more cough-y, don't you think?" Buffy sighed in answer and Angel flashed a soft shy apologetic smile. It made him look dorky and endearing and nothing at all like the soulfull brooder she fell for. "Sorry Buf, I'm doing the over-protective thing, aren't I? I can tell, you sighed just like Cordy does when I'm going overboard." Buffy's noise wrinkled. Was there some sort of rule that he had to mention Cordelia every five minutes? She didn't want to talk about what "Cordy does" or what "Cordy says." It was still throwing her for a loop hearing Angel call her "Cordy" in the first place.   
  
_Calm down Buffy. Don't get sidetracked. _She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and said, "Ever since, you know, this fall, I've been thinking a lot more lately, about life and love."  
  
"Me too," Angel said, surprising her. "Ever since this little guy came along, I catch myself thinking about how much life changes in an instant, how amazing it is when life surprises you. When love surprises you."   
  
"I don't like surprises much. In my experience, change isn't always good. I like things I can count on. Love I can count on."  
  
Angel noticed the weird tone but he had no idea where Buffy was going with this. Was she trying to tell him about her and Spike? He knew they had slept together at least once. Judging by the amount of tension between them since they got there, it had probably happened a lot more than once. "Buffy, you know you can tell me anything." If she needed to work through her problems with Spike, he would be there for her. He owed her that much. "Seriously, I'm always here," he added.  
  
"I just wanted to tell you…" Buffy couldn't believe it was finally going to happen. She had been waiting two days for this moment. It was now or never. There was magic in the air…

…and it smelled a lot like…dirty diapers. "I wanted to tell you that I think your son needs a change," she said with a grimace.  
  
Angel laughed and started babbling baby talk to Connor as he rose and headed upstairs. Buffy followed slowly behind him, going to her and Dawn's room to change for dinner and mull over how close she had just come to getting what she came for. 

TBC

I've said it before, and I will say it again. I love feedback.


	7. Another Saturday Night

**Hi everyone. I'm so glad that so many people are sticking with this story.  I wanted to again thank everyone who has given feedback – I love hearing what you liked and what you would have done differently. Here's Chapter 7 – things are starting to heat up!**

**Another Saturday Night**  
  
For the third time in twenty minutes, Angel checked the time on his watch with the time on his cell phone, just to make sure his watch was right. He had been at Caritas for almost an hour. _Where the hell is she? She should be here by now. She knows how I need her to…well she knows how I need her. _Admitting that need used to be hard for Angel, it was embarrassing just to think it in his head. But it was true. He liked to be around her. She put him at ease, he discovered new things about himself in those twisted convoluted conversations they had. _Where is she?_   
  
Lorne came up and placed a foamy glass of Guinness next to the empty one that lay on the table in front of Angel. He was dressed in a shocking purple and yellow, like some sort of freakish Easter Bunny; somehow it worked on him though. "Thought you could use a refill Angel-heart. You look like you might need it. Hum a little something, let me see why you're so glum." Angel's face registered the chance of that happening. "Okay, so just tell me. Everyone's having a great time. My club's been open nearly four hours and has yet to be destroyed. What could possibly be wrong?"  
  
The host was right. Everyone did seem to be enjoying themselves. Willow and Fred were sitting at a table upfront, groaning at the Summers' sisters and their rendition of "Eternal Flame." Gunn and Xander were going over the list of songs and Angel shivered at the thought of those two in a duet. But even those guys seemed relaxed and happy.  
  
"Seriously Sir-Broods-A-Lot, why so blue? How was dinner with my second favorite former cheerleader?"  
  
Angel sighed. "It was, it was okay." That was true. It hadn't been bad. It had just been…off.  

Not like when he went out for a bite with Cordelia and the gang. He had been doing that more often this year and while the cuisine wasn't his thing, it was nice, just spending time together. Tonight, Buffy and he, well, it had been awkward. She had kept on studying him, watching his every move, like she was afraid he might not know how to use a fork or anything. And the conversation hadn't been exactly rolling. _What did we use to talk about?_ Angel saw Lorne wouldn't be satisfied with just 'okay.' "We went to that French place in Hollywood, the one Cordy was whining about going to last week."  
  
Something caught Lorne's eye behind Angel. "Speaking of the Seer with champagne wishes and caviar dreams, here's vision girl now. And isn't she a vision." Angel turned around. Cordelia stood in the doorway. Her hair and make-up were perfect, but she still looked touchable in a way she hadn't two years ago. She wore a simple black strapless dress that somehow aroused more by what it hid than by what it revealed. It came down to her knees, provocative in it's classic beauty. Like her.   
  
The spell of her was broken when Spike appeared in the doorway behind her. He leaned in and said something in her ear that made her laugh—Angel thought he could actually hear her low sexy chuckle from across the room, despite the noise from the stage. Spike caught Angel's eye and offered him a smirk before sliding his arm around the object of Angel's affection. Angel growled. He had been doing that an awful lot lately.  
  
"Easy killer," Lorne soothed. "You know that's not who he's here after."  
  
_Just breathe _Cordelia told herself as she and Spike made their way over to where Angel and Lorne sat. For some unknown reason, she had really started to dread this night. She had spent over an hour in the bath, torturing herself by imagining what Angel and Buffy were doing on their big date. The thought of them feeding each other grapes had led to a painful shaving cut on her ankle. _Stupid imagination. _  
  
Spike had actually helped deal with some of her apprehension. The two of them were an odd pair. They still had yet to discuss their entirely too depressing love lives, and yet each clearly knew how the other felt. Like how Spike still wouldn't admit to feeling anything for Buffy but how he was so clearly worried about the threat Angel represented. 

In a weird way, the temporary insanity caused by loving people they could never have had bonded Spike and Cordelia. 

In Spike, Cordy was finding the snippy girlfriend she hadn't had since the days of Harmony and the Cordettes, as well as the comic foil role that had made Xander so oddly appealing. In turn, Cordelia accepted Spike without all the conditions the Scoobies made; she made him feel worthy and wanted. It meant more than he could say, more than he ever would say.   
  
Slowly, the bitterness and fear they had left the Hyperion with had melted away. _Never in my life would I have imagined getting ready to go out with Spike. _They had blasted a little Britney and then some old school 80's stuff. They had fought for mirror space while singing "Living on a Prayer" together. They decided that they would start a band called "Love's Bitch" and tour small college towns across America.   
  
Before they left for Caritas, Spike had even given a little pep talk. The motivational speech basically amounted to "Screw star-crossed lovers," but the tequila shots they had done proved very "peppy." _Well, as Spike said, there's no shame in liquid courage. _  
  
Cordy walked passed a group of moderately attractive vampires and saw Angel sitting there in front of her. Despite the plan she had made in the car on the way over, the plan to be all super cool and casual and not at all like a nervous school girl, she got one good look at those hooded eyes and all that black leather and she couldn't hold back a sigh of appreciation. Spike heard it and quirked an eyebrow.  
  
When they got to the table both demons stood up and Lorne clapped his hands in appreciation. "Well don't you two look too gorgeous for words," Lorne gushed.   
  
Angel's eyes nearly popped out of his head as Cordelia and Spike both flashed smiles, inclined their heads toward each other and said "We know" at exactly the same time. The duo's obvious affinity for each other was more than mildly disturbing. It went against the natural order of things. Angel recovered from that shock and looked up to find Cordelia staring at him, expectantly.   
  
"Well?" she asked, doing a small pirouette. _Oh shit. She wants a compliment. I need a good compliment. Something that's not the truth, because I doubt "I've had a hard-on since I smelled you from thirty feet away," is what she really wants to hear right now. Beautiful? Incredible? Magnificently arousing and unquestionably perfect in every way? _  
  
"Nice," Angel mumbled.  
  
Cordelia bit her lip. The night of the ballet, she had interrupted Angel when he was complimenting her; she never got to find out what he would have said. That was why she had asked for his opinion tonight. Nice? That was it. Weather was nice. Books by Nora Roberts were nice. Kittens were nice. _No, scratch that, people tell kittens they're cute. Even cute is better than nice. _She had really been looking for something a little more…well just more.   
  
Spike noticed that Angel's "nice" really wasn't flying with Cordy, so he decided to create a little distraction. "What about me, ya big poof," Spike asked, doing a clumsy pirouette of his own. Angel glared at him but it brought a smile back to Cordelia's face. "Well then, I think drinks are called for. Cosmopolitan for milady?" Spike asked.  
  
"You know me too well," Cordelia drawled. Spike headed over to the bar, bumping into Cordelia with a clumsiness she knew he didn't possess. With the heels she was wearing, Spike's little nudge had her falling into Angel, just as Spike had probably planned. Angel of course caught her in that sweetly strong way of his that always had her heart racing.  
  
"He better not know you too well," Angel murmured right next to her ear and Cordelia couldn't hold back a shiver. Most of what could be classified as flirtation between the two of them was said very innocently. It was strictly subtextual, there was nothing overt in their relationship. But Angel's voice just then, it had been, well, sexy. Muscles in regions she hadn't thought about since the ballet had clenched at his dark, seductive tone. _What the hell is going on here? Did Buffy and him get groiny at dinner and now I've got Angelus coming on to me? _Cordelia checked Angel's clothes, noted the absence of a cool smirk, and decided the man currently making her mouth dry definitely still had a soul.   
  
Angel wasn't entirely sure why he had said that, especially THAT WAY but he didn't feel like analyzing it right now, not while he should be savoring the woman he was holding in his arms. He was always amazed at the striking dichotomy of Cordelia. There was the Cordy who could curl up in old sweatpants and un-brushed hair and crack her knuckles just because she knew it annoyed him. The comfortable Cordy. Then there was the woman who could walk into the room and make everything stop, make even soulless demons believe there had to be a God merely because no lesser being could have created such a masterpiece. That Cordy made Angel decidedly uncomfortable, but in a good way. That was the Cordelia he slowly eased out of his arms now. This Cordy smelled like luxury, like hazy heat, like sin. The night was definitely improving.

********************

Angel's hand dropped away from her waist and immediately she missed his touch. The two of them stood their staring at each other, neither talking for God knows how long, before Buffy walked up.   
  
"Hi Cordy," she stated. Cordelia jumped backwards, as if she had been caught doing something wrong.   
  
"Hey Buffy. I, uh, I like your skirt."  
  
Buffy casually fingered the material as she moved to stand next to Angel, so that their arms were brushing against each other. "Thanks Cordelia. Your dress is nice too. I'm surprised though, you're usually a lot more…obvious."  
  
It honestly took a minute for Cordy to realize what had just been said. _Whoa, wait a second, did she just say that I usually dress like a slut? Does she not remember her wardrobe decisions her first year in Sunnydale? This is so pot calling kettle black. _Cordelia didn't know exactly how to respond. She was used to initiating the cattiness with Buffy; she had been caught off guard. She looked at Angel, who just looked confused.  
  
"Coming through, coming through," Spike said as he walked over to where the three of them stood. He set the two drinks down on the table. "So what did I miss?"  
  
Buffy hand started to move for the pink drink he had placed next to his beer. She didn't like the fact that Spike hadn't asked her if she wanted a drink, but it was nice of him to think of her.  
  
Spike's hand swooped down, picking up the glass before she actually reached for it. "One Cosmo for the lovely Miss Chase," he said, handing Cordelia her drink. Cordy took it, biting her lip to keep from laughing. Every once in a while even Slayers got put in their place. _It's just nice to know there is still justice in the world. _"So, whose up for karaoke," Spike asked.   
  
***********  
  
Angel couldn't really decide if he was having fun or not. It was definitely better than that time he had gotten impaled by that demon in North Hollywood, and yet nowhere close to as good a time as when he killed those five vampires with only a broken broom handle in the alley behind Mann's Chinese Theatre.   
  
The fact that he hadn't had a single moment alone with Cordy since she walked in had a little something to do with his lackluster opinion of the night so far. Spike's presence, and the fact that at some point his presence had started to not bother him as much also had something to do with Angel's ambivalence.   
  
But what was really confusing him was Buffy's behavior. He hadn't seen her acting this way since the time she came back from spending the summer in LA with her father. Except then she had been all over Xander. This time, he was the object of her weird conduct. _This is not just my imagination. It's not like I mind her standing next to me, but she gets any closer and I'm going to start yelling "PERSONAL BUBBLE." _She kept touching his hair or sitting on the arm of his chair or rubbing her chin on his shoulder. What's her problem?   
  
Cordelia had just about had it up to there. _What is Buffy's problem? _The Slayer seemed to have developed an addiction to rubbing herself on Angel. It was such a transparent lesson, one obviously intended for Spike and herself, to show them that Buffy was going to be with Angel and there wasn't anything anyone could do about it. _Fine. Go be together forever. But if she doesn't quit shoving her eternal love in my face I'm going to use some sort of super secret demony deal to beam her ass back to the Hellmouth. _She saw Buffy put her hand on Angel's thigh and couldn't take it anymore.   
  
Cordelia stood up without saying anything and walked over to the bar behind her. _Why am I pretending that I am such a hard-ass? Why do I keep telling myself to be noble and that this is the way it is meant to be? Fuck that. I don't want to be noble. I get that I can't have him but that doesn't mean I have to help HER have him. And even if Angel and Buffy do end up together, there is no reason on earth for me to sit there passively, like it doesn't bother me. For I am very bothered. I haven't been this bothered since the great flannel fad of 1993. _  
  
"There, there love. Buck up." Cordelia turned around to find Spike. "Sure it smarts," he continued, blowing smoke up in the air, "but that's because we're letting it get to us."   
  
He had a point. "Well, what do you suggest?"  
  
"I suggest we get off our asses and quit telling ourselves we lost. You and I, we haven't even started to fight but we're getting all mopey, like the battle's already over."  
  
"It is over Spike. Let's say, for arguments sake—since both of us still haven't actually admitted anything yet, that I don't want those two together, that I want Angel, that I want Angel to want me. And let's say you feel the same way about Buffy. How do we fight?"  
  
Spike walked over to lean against the bar and Cordelia moved to mimic his position. "In love and war it's best to keep things simple," he said after a moment. "We need to have some sort of plan. I vote we go the classic route."  
  
"Which is?" _What is it with these guys from other centuries? Why did they always have to be so damn cryptic?_   
  
"We make them realize what they are missing," Spike said slowly, as if he was speaking to a child. Cordelia was too intrigued to be offended.  
  
"Like make them jealous? How are we supposed to do that? Do I go flirt with that blue scaled guy over there in the corner? Oh, and you could hit on that girl with the pointy ears. That is a girl, right?"  
  
Spike ignored the question and turned to the bartender, requesting two shots.   
  
"Alabama Slammers," Cordelia put out, not wanting any more tequila.  
  
"That's a girl shot," Spike whined. Cordelia gave him a look. "Fine. Anyway. What we need to do is pool our resources. Kill two birds with one stone." He sighed upon seeing Cordelia's blank look. "WE FLIRT WITH EACH OTHER." Before Cordy could react to that suggestion, someone else gave their opinion.  
  
"I vote for that plan," Dawn said. Spike and Cordelia whipped around, surprised and worried about how much she had overheard. "Oh please, it's all so obvious. I don't care what the two of you need to do, just straighten this mess out. I swear I've never seen four people act more adolescent, and I'm in HIGH SCHOOL."  
  
"Dawn, you don't—" Spike bit out.  
  
"It's really not like that," Cordy said shaking her head.  
  
"It's exactly like that. That's why I think you should go for this plan. Just don't let it turn into some creepy Shakespearean comedy. I can see this going very 'A Mid Summer Night's Dream' on all of us, and I don't want that to happen." With a snort of disgust, Dawn walked away.  
  
Reaching for her shot, Cordy smiled. "I like her so much," she confided to Spike.  
  
"Me too," Spike said, taking the shot and offering a grim smile.   
  
***********  
  
Angel was trying to tell himself not to turn around to see what Cordy and Spike were doing at the bar. He had enough problems for the moment. Wesley was pissed because Angel kept calling to check on the baby and the last time had woken up Connor. Lorne had just kindly informed him that the entire group had been ordering drinks and telling people to put them on Angel's tab. Add to that the confounding issue of Buffy "Grabby-Hands" Summers and his plate was full. Maybe another beer was in order. _Where did Lorne run off to? _Angel looked around until the sound of the demon's voice directed him to the stage. Lorne was at the microphone.   
  
"Well, is everyone having a good time?" he cooed. The crowed roared yes. "It's about to get even better. Folks, I have what could be a real treat for you. May I proudly present, William the Bloody and Cordelia the Hottie, with their interpretation of the Paula Abdul classic, Opposites Attract."  
  
Angel and Buffy's mouths dropped open. They traded horrified glances with each other, realized the irony in that, then quickly turned back to the stage.   
  
Cordelia couldn't sing all that well. Spike wasn't singing at all, he had settled for basically speaking his lines. They were mostly off-key. They didn't seem to know all the words. The crowd loved them.   
  
"I don't like cigarettes" Cordelia sang.  
"And I like to smoke," Spike countered, lighting up on stage.   
  
Buffy wasn't sure this was really happening. The stage in front of her was like something out of a creepy Twin Peaks dream. Spike and Cordy really were awful, but they didn't seem to realize it, or maybe they just didn't care. _And why do they look like they are having so much fun up there? Karaoke is NOT that much fun. Did she just whisper in his ear? You're supposed to be up there singing Cordelia, not sharing secrets with my…my…with Spike. _  
  
"It ain't fiction, just a natural fact, we come together cause opposites attract."  
  
Angel didn't know about that. He didn't want Cordy and Spike coming together in any way, shape, or form. Plus, they weren't really opposites. They both had a lot in common, with their tendencies to be loud and nosy and tactless. If Cordy was looking for her opposite, well, Angel was a much better candidate. She liked to watch TV while he liked to read. She drank Diet Coke while he drank blood. See, opposites.   
  
The song ended and the audience literally stood up and cheered. It was amazing. Some Rubsa demons in the corner started chanting "encore" and the rest of the crowd joined them. Spike dragged Cordelia in for a bear hug, stuck his tongue out in the direction of Buffy and Angel, then shouted something to Lorne. Buffy mumbled something about going to the bathroom and Angel felt like if he didn't get some air he would pass out (which was odd, since he didn't actually need air). As he walked out of the club, he heard a familiar tune and then came Spike,  
  


"Well, they say we're young, and we don't know, we won't find out untillll we grow…"

TBC

I know, I know, you can't believe I had them sing Paula Abdul! I'm sorry, I just felt the scene called for some cheesy 80's music. Feel free to express your righteous indignation in your review.


	8. Memory Lane

**Thanks for the feedback guys – I can't believe you people don't appreciate the fabulous song stylings of Miss Paula Abdul (joke!).  Anyway, here's a short chapter to tide you over till the weekend.**

**Chapter 8: Memory Lane**  
  
_So the make them jealous plan wasn't the best idea. _Cordelia didn't know why she'd thought it would work. Angel and Buffy hadn't seemed overcome with jealousy when Cordy and Spike had been on stage. There had been no tenseness. Angel had appeared vaguely confused and there was no screaming "Get your hands of my man," from Buffy. She seemed more concerned with relieving her bladder and Angel looked as if he was more bothered by the singing, rather than Spike and Cordelia singing TOGETHER. They'd both run off before the "I've Got You Babe" encore. _And I do a mean Cher._   
  
It hadn't been a total bust thought. She'd had a blast, everyone in the club had offered to buy the two of them drinks, and when Angel came back from wherever he had been, he sat down in the empty chair next to her, much to Buffy's chagrin.   
  
"Next time I complain about that little vacation I took to Hell, remind me of what I just witnessed," Angel whispered in her ear, as Xander exited the stage, following an agonizing rendition of "Born in the USA."  
  
Cordelia giggled. "So you're saying that hundreds of years of unspeakable torture…"  
  
"Is nothing compared to what has to be the most frightening impression of Bruce Springsteen I have ever been forced to listen to," Angel concluded.   
  
They both looked up when they noted most of the table was relatively silent. Apparently, vestiges of the initial awkwardness were still hanging around.   
  
"So," Gunn said, hoping to get the conversational ball rolling again, "what was Cordelia like at 16? Cause I can guess, and what I'm thinking seems pretty scary."  
  
Willow bit her lip, not sure how to proceed, while Xander smirked, Buffy beamed, and Cordelia looked down at the table.   
  
"Well," Buffy said with a laugh. "She was all the things you are thinking. A cheerleader, the May Queen, you know the type."  
  
"Oh, Cordy," Fred gushed, "I bet you were so popular!"  
  
"Oh, she was popular." It was Xander's turn now. "She had a mindless group of followers—The Cordettes. Gunn, you met Harmony, right? Well, imagine a gaggle of them, all worshipping at the alter of Cordelia."  
  
Everybody laughed. Willow noticed the uncomfortable look of Cordy's face and felt the disconcerting need to give her a hand. "Should you really be talking Xander? You spent some time worshipping at the alter of Cordelia too, in a closet I might add." Everyone, even Cordelia and Xander, laughed at that one.   
  
"Damn," Gunn said. "So y'all managed to have SOME fun on the Hellmouth."  
  
"When we weren't out rescuing Cordelia, that is," Buffy said.   
  
It's not like Cordelia could deny that. It was true, Buffy had saved her life bunches of times. She would give her props where props were due.  
  
"Yeah," Cordy agreed. "Buffy saved me from unpopular invisible girls, vampires, and all kinds of icky stuff."  
  
Buffy wasn't thrown by Cordelia's agreement for a second. "The best was Cordelia with Giles—he was my watcher. He couldn't STAND her. He was always one step away from strangling her. We could never convince Cordelia that the best way to help was to just go away."  
  
No one at the table quiet knew what to do with that comment. There were a few uneasy laughs, but it hadn't seemed very funny.  
  
Fred decided it was time to change the subject. "Well, Cordy, what about boyfriends? Besides Xander, I mean?"  
  
"Oh, they had a bad habit of dying. Or being evil. Or being evil and then dying. Little bit of both. Call it the curse of Cordelia," Cordy said. She was thinking that maybe if she made the jokes herself, Buffy might stop.   
  
"Well, there was Angel," Buffy said, in a strange voice. Everyone at the table looked shocked and turned to Cordy. "Not that he was her boyfriend, but she sure wanted him to be."  
  
_Oh lord. It's okay. Laugh it off. Show them just how much of an actress you are. _"Yes, it's sad but true. I took one look at everyone's favorite creature of the night, pronounced him salty goodness, and proceeded to try and make him mine." Feeling that surge she always got on when she was on stage, Cordelia continued, turning to Angel. "That was before I realized that I couldn't compete with a 200-year-old blond fetish."   
  
"Aww, that's so cute," Fred commented.   
  
_It wasn't supposed to be cute_ Buffy thought. It's supposed to embarrass Cordelia. Clearly she just needed to try a little harder.   
  
"She made Angel soooo uncomfortable. It was hilarious, with her always throwing herself at him," Buffy said. "She couldn't seem to grasp the concept of rejection," Buffy stage-whispered to the table at large.   
  
"I have a lot of trouble imagining anyone rejecting Cordelia. Damn Angel, were you blind or something back then?" Gunn asked.  
  
Angel shrugged. He knew this was making Cordelia more than a little tense; her heart was pounding so much he could literally see her pulse point jump. At the same time, he liked knowing she once thought he was attractive. "Hey, I didn't know she liked me. Cordy, you know how bad I am at the whole subtlety thing. When you think someone is salty goodness, you need to tell them they're salty goodness."   
  
Buffy never gave Cordelia a chance to respond. "Back then you would never have imagined Cordelia and Angel would one day be friends. What did we call her that one night, when we were training right before my birthday? Oh yeah, Sporedelia." Buffy continued on, before Angel could point out only Buffy had called her that. "Angel wasn't an official member of the "I Hate Cordelia" club though. That was more of a Xander and Willow thing."  
  
This time there was no uneasy laughter. Only uneasy silence.   
  
Fred finally asked, "But, I thought, I mean, weren't you all friends?"  
  
Buffy choked back a laugh. "Is that what she told –"  
  
"Well, yeah," Willow interrupted. "We were good friends. Right Xander?"  
  
"I guess."  
  
Dawn was disgusted. Her sister was acting like such a bitch and all anyone was doing was ignoring it, while Cordelia just sat there, looking miserable. "Hey, Cordelia, you and Spike were really great up there. Do you wanna do another song?"  
  
Cordelia looked at Dawn, her eyes communicating her appreciation. "No thanks sweetie, but I will go help you pick out a song." Cordelia was out of her chair before Dawn could say a word.   
  
Angel felt like he was in Bizarro-land. _Which is in itself funny, because if Xander had made that Superman reference a few years ago, I wouldn't have known what the hell he was talking about._ Buffy was turning the night into some kind of battle with Cordelia, which was odd because A, what did they have to fight about, and B, Cordelia didn't really seem to know they were at war. Where had all her signature cutting remarks been? Where were the cruel one-liners? She was off her game tonight.  
  
Spike came over and took Cordelia's chair, knocking Angel out of his reverie. "Look mate, you better tell the Slayer to watch her back. Your man Gunn is looking kinda angry again. He's protective of the cheerleader."  
  
"Spike," Angel sighed. "The last thing I need right now is advice from you."  
  
"Fine. But you know, even I'm getting a little pissed at Buffy now. She's acting like a baby and the silly bint is really getting to Cordy."  
  
"Cordy?" Angel asked. _Spike is not allowed to call her "Cordy."_  
  
"That's right, poof. I've got 'Cordy' rights now too. You play dress-up with a person, you get close. Anyway, my point is, you haven't said a word. You haven't told Buffy to shut the fuck up. You haven't told Cordy that the Slayer is full of shit. It makes it look like you agree."  
  
"Spike, you don't know what the hell you are—"  
  
"That's where you're wrong, poof. Little Miss May Queen and I, we understand each other. We have a lot more in common than you might think."  
  
"Oh, I thought it was all opposites attract," Angel mumbled.  
  
"What was that?" Spike asked.  
  
"Nothing. So, tell me, what do you and Cordy have in common. Besides the fact that both of you aren't natural blonds?"  
  
"We both are letting Buffy walk all over us," Spike said, in a quiet firm voice.   
  
Angel looked at him for a moment. Finally he said, "It's not just sex, is it?"  
  
"You knew?"  
  
"Hello, I'm a vampire. I have super-smell power, just like you."  
  
Spike grinned. "Cheerleader's rubbing off on you. You sound just like her." That got a brief grin out of Angel. "She's a piece of work, that one. And Christ, the way she smells."  
  
The grin disappeared. "Spike," Angel growled warningly.   
  
"Oh chill ya big poof. Look, she's upset and I like her and so you damn well need to fix it."  
  
Angel didn't deny that Cordelia was upset. "How?"  
  
Spike was getting a little exasperated now. "I don't know. Tell her she's beautiful. Shag her against the wall in the bathroom. I don't care. Just get her smiling again."

TBC


	9. Get Off The Stage Already!

**It's Academy Awards Sunday! Celebrate with an extra-long chapter of "Bad Timing"! And thanks again to everyone who leaves feedback.**

**Get Off the Stage Already**  
  
Cordelia didn't need another drink. She didn't need one, but she sure as hell could use one. _What the fuck happened back there? What the hell is her problem? And what's my problem? I just sat there, taking it. When did I become Little Miss Victim? _

Dawn was on stage, singing her heart out to a ditty by Brittney Spears. _It was nice of her, to save me like that. But I hate the fact that I put myself in the position of needing to be saved. Looks like three years with Mr. Swoop-in-and-save-the-damsel-in-distress has made me soft. I can't forget how to take care of myself. _The bartender finally noticed her standing there and she ordered a Raspberry Stoli and Sprite. Cordy turned around for a second to check out Dawn, then turned back to grab her drink.   
  
"That will be $6.75," the demon bartender said.  
  
"Put it on my tab," came a voice from behind her. Angel. _Play it cool Cordy. You can do it._ Cordelia slowly turned around, leaned back against the bar, and gave Angel a glance before taking a sip of her drink. She didn't say anything though. She swore she had some cool retort on the tip of her tongue, but that was before she had gotten a good look at his eyes. _I've seen him day in and day out for years, but I've never seen his eyes look like that before. Look at me like that. _  
  
Angel was trying to call on his inner demon, trying to find vestiges of the sensual, predatory creature he once was. Stuttering idiot wasn't really working on Cordelia, it was time to try something new. He got as far as one smoldering good look before his plan backfired. _The mistake wasn't the smoldering part, it was the looking part. _God, she made him crazy, crazy with want and need and fear and hope and everything that was good and bad about human emotion. Unfortunately, all that emotion brought the Stuttering Idiot in him back to the surface.  
  
"You don't look nice," he blurted out.   
  
Cordelia choked on her drink. She coughed twice. "What?"  
  
_Oh shit. What's wrong with you? _"I mean, what I said, before, what I said when you came in. I said you looked nice. Well, I take it back. You don't look nice. You look breathtaking." He eyed her warily, hoping he had eased over his blunder.   
  
She rolled her eyes. "I'm breathtaking? Angel, you don't breath."  
  
Good point. "Well yeah. And that's a good thing, or else I would have passed out hours ago, what with all the breathtaking-ness. You look like a—"  
  
Cordelia had a sinking feeling she knew where he was going with that, so she cut him off. "Please don't say a princess." _I don't know when I started to hate that word, but I really do. _  
  
"No. Not a princess. It's funny. You were Doyle's princess. Groo's princess. Even Lorne lets it slip now and then. But I've never really thought of you that way."  
  
"Gee thanks." It wasn't that Cordelia was fishing for compliments. But she wasn't fishing for insults either.  
  
"Princess," Angel continued, as if he hadn't heard her wounded comment. "It's just not you. Royalty, that implies something distant, removed…"  
  
"Untouchable," Cordy added. Could he be going where she thought he was going?  
  
"Exactly," Angel said, in that smooth voice he had adopted ever since she'd brought up the princess bit. "A princess would be untouchable. And you, you are very," he reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, "very," he tipped her chin up with his index finger so she was looking him directly in the eye, "touchable," then used the same finger to trail down her smooth bare arm.   
  
Cordelia didn't smile, didn't laugh, didn't move, didn't think. She did, however, gulp.   
  
Angel leaned in, so his mouth was right up near her ear. "Sometimes," he confided in a low sexy voice that literally made her quiver, "I can't NOT touch you." And then he was leaning down and Cordelia's heart was going to explode out of her chest and she clenched her hands into fists and it was really going to happen and…  
  
Once again, fate was a cruel mistress. 

Gunn and Fred walked up. Too late, Fred saw that they were interrupting and tried to tug her boyfriend away. Too late.  
  
"Hey can I get two Bud Lights," Gunn called out over Cordelia's head, to the bartender behind her. "Yo, dawg," he said, sidling up to Angel, "I think someone is trying to get your attention."   
  
It was like Angel hadn't heard. He had quit leaning in, but he was still staring down at Cordelia. She was staring right back at him. Fred noted their preoccupation with each other. "Gunn, I'm not really all that thirsty. Maybe after another song."  
  
"Angel, man, hey. Pay attention. I think your girl is dedicating this song to the one she loves." Somehow the words penetrated Angel's mind, though the haze of Cordelia. He was confused. _What the hell is Gunn talking about? _Then the music kicked in and all four of them turned towards the stage, where Gunn had been pointing to. There was Buffy. Alone on stage. Staring at Angel.   
  
***********  
  
Buffy wasn't entirely sure about her actions. A few minutes ago, the Karaoke had seemed like a good idea. After all, so far the night had not been going her way. She had gone too far when they were all sitting down. Cordy hadn't been fighting back, so Buffy had come off looking like a real bitch. She had taken a few minutes to regroup and by the time she was focused again, Cordy and Angel were standing way too close over by the bar and Spike was sitting next to her. _This is all Spike's fault. If he had just kept his stupid mouth shut. But no, he had to go on and on, about how great "Cordy" was and how she was irresistible. I just wanted to make Angel see me. What better way to get his attention than standing on stage, opening up my heart to him. _

On stage now though, Buffy was definitely beginning to regret her decision, especially the song she had chosen. It was cheesy and corny and obvious. But she really needed the message to be clear. So that Angel would get the message. So that Angel, and Spike, and Cordelia would get the message. _Maybe, just maybe, so I'll get the message too. _  
  
"Looks like we made it,  
Look how far we've come my baby,  
I'm glad we didn't listen,  
Look at what we would be missing…"  
  
Spike's breath, unnecessary though it was, had caught in his throat the moment the Slayer opened her mouth. He knew what was coming, he thought he had prepared himself for it, but it was still like being kicked in the gut. _Fuck it _he thought, and walked out the door. He may be love's bitch, but he wasn't a glutton for punishment.   
  
"You're still the one I run to,  
The one that I belong to,  
You're still the one I want for life…"  
  
Cordelia stood silently watching Buffy. She looked good up there. She was so tiny and blond and her voice wasn't too shabby. The words of the song reverberated in her mind. "The one that I belong to". Cordy closed her eyes. _It's true. Buffy does belong to Angel and Angel belongs to Buffy. Always and forever. So what the hell am I doing?_ She couldn't compete with Buffy because there was no competition. 

This whole ordeal, it was so…tired. Cordelia was tired. _I'm tired of trying to distract Angel. Tired of coming close and always having something happen. I'm tired of comparing myself to the Slayer and always being found wanting._ It was time to stop. Cordelia grabbed her drink and glanced at Angel who stared, apparently entranced, at the stage. Then she walked away.   
  
Thirty seconds later there was a tap on her shoulder. Cordelia turned to find Fred. Fred was yelling.   
  
"Where are you going? You can't just walk away. That girl on stage is trying to steal Angel. Fight for him."  
  
Cordelia sighed. "Fred, what are you talking about?"  
  
"Look Cordy, you and Angel, you know that there is something there. Something was about to happen back there, before me and Gunn interrupted and before—"  
  
"Before Slayer Night at the Apollo?" Cordy offered.  
  
"Yes. You need to go back there and finish that moment."  
  
"Fred, sweetie, there was no moment. Nothings going to happen between me and Angel. No matter how much you shout kyerumption and moira in my face. Don't look at me like that. Fine, yes, I admit it. I have feelings, certain feel—Look, I like Angel. A lot. In ways that I shouldn't." Cordy stopped for a breath and watched Fred's face blossom into a huge goofy grin. "Not so fast there." 

She set down her drink and used both hands to spin Fred around so she faced the stage. Buffy had just finished the song and was soaking up the crowd's applause. "Look at her. It will always be her for him." Cordelia spun her friend back around to face her. "Don't tell me to fight. I don't want to fight. I shouldn't HAVE to fight. I don't want to MAKE someone love me."  
  
"Cordy, he does lo—"  
  
"Fred, it's done," Cordelia said, swallowing and running a hand through her hair. "I'm just going to stop. I'll forget these feelings and we can all go back to normal." _There. That should get Fred off my back. That will solve everything. _  
  
Fred snorted. "Oh wow. And people think that I'm the crazy one."   
  
Cordelia couldn't stop herself from arching an eyebrow in response. But that wasn't about to stop Fred from saying what needed to be said. "Cordy, how clueless are you? You can't just wake up one day and snap your fingers and say 'today I'm not going to be in love with Angel anymore.' It doesn't work like that."  
  
"Hey, I didn't say that I was in love," was all Cordelia could bite out before Fred held up her hand, effectively telling her to shut up.  
  
"My turn to talk. Look, it's like, um, it's like a flat tire." Up went that eyebrow of Cordelia's again, this time accompanied by the rolling eyes. Undaunted, Fred continued.  "My cousin Lindsay, she's one of the Louisiana Burkles. Anyway, she once got a flat tire. And she just ignored it. She didn't have a spare, she was way too broke to afford a new tire. SO she just pretended that it never happened. She drove around on a flat tire for three days! Eventually it got so bad that she couldn't steer and she ran right off the road and hit a tree and totaled the car!"  
  
"Is there a point to this story?" Cordelia honestly wasn't trying to be mean. She really just didn't see the point.  
  
"Love is like a flat tire. There's never a good time for it, you never plan on it happening, and it almost always screws up your schedule. But most importantly, you have to deal with it. You can't just ignore it or pretend it isn't happening or think that it will just go away, or, or…"  
  
"Or I'll run off the road and get totaled?" Cordy asked.   
  
"Something like that," Fred said quietly.   
  
"Look Fred. I appreciate your concern. I even appreciate the analogy as helpful as it wasn't. But we're done here. I tried and I failed."  
  
"How have you tried Cordelia? Have you even told him how you feel?"   
  
"No"  
  
"The Cordelia Chase I know and love, the woman who helped drag me back into reality, she wouldn't give up on something she wanted, not without having done everything in her power to have it." Cordelia couldn't help but smile at that. Fred did have a point.  
  
"Now," Fred said, reaching for Cordelia's drink and raising it to her friend's lips. "Take a big sip, square your shoulders, go find Angel and you tell him that, that, um, that if he isn't smart enough to realize how perfect you are for him, then, then he and the Slayer with the bad highlights deserve each other."   
  
Fred really was a genius.

*****************

Just when he thought the night couldn't possibly get more tense or awkward, Angel had turned and seen Buffy staring at him from the stage. At first he was just annoyed, because this was literally like the millionth time something ruined a potential "moment" with Cordy. Then his annoyance turned to confusion. _What is with that yearning smile on her face? _He focused on the song and the words she was now obviously singing to him. She was…was she…Did Buffy think there was still something between them? _She has been pretty touchy. And dinner could have seemed a lot like a date. _  
  
"Dude, she wants you so bad," Gunn said, disrupting his thought process.  
  
"You think?"  
  
"Um, yeah. Look at her." How a man could live two and a half centuries and still be so clueless about the female gender was a mystery to Gunn.   
  
"But, I, I think she might be with Spike now," Angel stuttered.   
  
"The Spike she threatened to stake three times tonight? I doubt the line between love and hate is THAT thin. No, man, she's all about you. You don't believe me, ask Cordy. Women can always tell about this shit."  
  
Angel turned to his other side to do just that, but Cordelia was gone. He immediately scanned the room, before the burst of applause momentarily drew his attention back to the stage. Buffy took a bow before making eye contact with him and waggling her finger, telling him to come over.   
  
"See," Gunn said, proud to have been proven right. "Aww yeah. I told you. You gonna hit that shit?"  
  
"Hit?"  
  
"My man, are you gonna get yourself a piece tonight?" Gunn said, hoping to clarify.   
  
"A piece?" Giving up on understanding Gunn, Angel scanned the crowd again, spotting Buffy now walking towards him. This was so not good. He didn't have time to deal with Buffy's unrequited love right now, he had his own possibly unrequited love to take care of. _Where the hell is Cordelia? Okay, here's the plan. Tell Buffy nice job, make sure she understands where we are right now (and where we definitely are not), then find Cordy, drag her somewhere no one will ever find us, and end this madness. I'd rather have her laugh in my face and tell me she could never like me like that then go through one more minute of this not knowing. _  
  
Buffy reached him, grabbed his hand, and pulled him over to the hall where the bathrooms were. When they reached the relative quiet, she turned to him, still holding on to his hand.   
  
"So did you like," she asked in a husky voice.   
  
"Yeah. You, you're a pretty good singer. I didn't know that about you. You know Buffy, there seems to be a lot we don't know about each other." _Like why you are still holding on to my hand. _  
  
"I don't know about that, Angel. I take one look in those big brown eyes of yours and I know all that I need to know."  
  
"Um, Buffy, about that, I—"  
  
She gripped his hand tighter and with the other hand, put two fingers on top of his lips. "Shush. It's you and me. You don't need to say anything."  
  
_Oh I so clearly DO need to say something_ Angel thought.  
  
Buffy went on. "Nothing's changed Angel. You heard my song. You're still the one."  
  
"Buffy, meeting you, loving you, it changed my life. It made me realize that –"  
  
Once again he was interrupted. "That we'll always be together. It's destiny." And before Angel could respond to that, she lunged. Angel tried to swallow his shock as Buffy's lips pressed against his, warm, insistent, demanding.   
  
Buffy wasn't consumed in the way Angel's kisses had once made her . She was working too hard at it. This was the kiss that needed to convince Angel, convince him that they still had the magic they had always had.   
  
Angel brought his hands up to Buffy's shoulders in order to push her off of him. But he didn't do that, not right away. The kiss wasn't unpleasant. Her lips, her taste and smell, they brought back memories that he would always carry with him. For seconds, as she snaked her arms around his waist, Angel lost himself in that kiss. Lost himself in the past.   
  
* * *  
  
Cordelia had looked everywhere for Angel. This was getting a little ridiculous. She was finally ready to get her act together and give this thing with Angel a shot and he had disappeared. They hadn't exactly been lucky in the timing department lately. _But that's about to change. _Cordy couldn't believe it had taken a pep talk from Fred of all people. _I can't believe I've been so scared. Since when do I get scared of men? _Cordelia squared her shoulders and smiled. She had never been this scared before because the man in question had never mattered so much. So much of her happiness, her very existence, was wrapped up in this one man…pire.   
  
"Hey sweets," came Lorne's dulcet tones. "Can I help you with something?"  
  
Cordy smiled even brighter. "I've had all the help I need tonight, thank you very much. But I seem to have misplaced a certain vampire with a soul. Any ideas?"  
  
"I thought I saw him heading over to the phones by the bathroom." Cordelia nodded and started to move on. "Oh and Princess," Lorne added. "Glad someone finally lit a fire under you. It's about time, kiddo."   
  
Yes, it is about time. Cordy ran her tongue over her teeth as she walked to the back hall. She felt a confidence that had been missing for weeks seep back into her. It was long past time. She wanted the fairy tale and it was about damn time she got it. She wasn't asking for a happy ending, she just wanted something. She wanted one of the covers of her romance novels, she wanted her and Angel doing the whole passionate embrace thing.   
  
She turned the corner and there he was…with Buffy. Here was the trashy romance cover—he had his arms around her and they were kissing in what could only be described as a passionate embrace. The world fell in on top of her.  
  
Cordelia blinked once. It was still there. She couldn't turn her head. She couldn't move her feet. She couldn't close her eyes. She felt like she watched them, frozen, for hours, even though in reality it was probably milliseconds.   
  
_This kind of pain, it's unnatural. _Visions, demonization, right then Cordy realized those were nothing. They were nothing like feeling your own heart literally break inside your chest. She was dizzy with the pain. _The dizziness also might be a result of the whole forgetting to breath thing._ She forced herself to suck some air in. Angel twitched and ended the kiss, turning her way, arms still around his ex-lover.   
  
* * *  
  
Angel was about to ease himself out of the kiss. This was a delicate situation. She wasn't the girl he wanted to be having makeout sessions in the back of Caritas with. At the same time, he didn't want to hurt Buffy any more than he had to. She was the girl who he had once loved more than he thought possible. He big blue eyes. Her blond hair. Her pounding heart. _Wait a second. That's not her pounding heart. And it certainly isn't mine. _  
  
Time slowed to a near stop. He registered the heartbeat. Then he picked up the scent. There was the smells of lavender bubble bath and Clinique. Of raspberry flavored vodka and a hint of baby powder. Underneath all those familiar smells was an even more familiar smell. The smell that made him hot and cold and dizzy and hungry every time he smelled it. Now that smell made him scared. Because he was kissing Buffy and he smelled…Cordelia.   
  
A split second after that came that sound. Not a gasp exactly. Not a sigh. Just a quiet, shocky, hurting breath. He pulled back, pushing against Buffy as he turned to where the sound had come from. There she was.   
  
Angel noted the pain in her eyes. He had only seen that look on her face twice before. Once when he had fired her and once again the day Darla had shown up pregnant. Something inside of him died a little. It might have been hope.  
  
"Cordelia," Buffy said. She waited a beat or two but Cordy didn't say a word. "Can we help you?"  
  
Angel knew then and there that hope had died. He saw the hurt in Cordy's eyes flare at Buffy's words, saw his best friend swallow and look down at her feet. When she looked up again, he didn't recognize her eyes. The hurt was gone. But her eyes were blank. She smiled a smile that Angel hadn't seen in years. It was a bright shiny smile that was hard as nails. He almost started to cry.  
  
"Sorry to interrupt," Cordy said. "I was just, just," she searched blankly for a good excuse and then inspiration struck, "just looking for Spike. Yup, can't find Spike. He's my ride."  
  
"Oh leaving so soon," Buffy said, in a way that made it quite clear that soon couldn't be soon enough. "I guess you have a lot of better things to do than hang out with all of us."  
  
"You know me, Buffy. Places to go, people to see."  
  
Angel had finally disentangled himself from Buffy and her Slayer-grip. He reached out and put his hand on Cordy's shoulder. Just then she flung her head back and closed her eyes. It was a vision. Subconsciously, Cordelia reached for Angel's hand as the horrifying pictures flashed before her eyes. It wasn't until the vision was over that she realized she was gripping for dear life the man who had just torn her dreams apart. She let go of his hand and opened her eyes. Angel pushed her down into a chair and crouched in front of her, stroking her cheek.   
  
For a minute, one seemingly endless moment, their eyes met. Each looked at the other, each looking for some sign, for something; each coming up empty.   
  
"High school kids," Cordelia said, preferring to focus on the matter at hand. "Drinking in that park down on Lee Highway. They're about to stumble into a nest of angry vamps, who seem to have especially brutal preferences for dealing with trespassers."  
  
This, Buffy knew, was something she could handle. The odd looks passing between Angel and Cordy were not. "So Angel and I will go. Do the rescue thing."  
  
Cordelia shook her head. "You'll need everyone. There's lots of them and they aren't amateurs."  
  
"Angel and I aren't amateurs either," Buffy huffed. "WE can handle it."  
  
Angel tried to calm the two women down. "Buffy, we probably should bring—"  
  
Cordy interrupted Angel. "Look. I'm not going to fight with you about this. It may be 'whatever the Slayer says goes' back in Sunnydale, but—"  
  
Then Buffy interrupted Cordy. "Fine. Aughh. You and Fred take Dawn home and anyone who may be remotely useful comes with me and Angel."  
  
By that time, the gang had noticed the commotion and gathered around their three friends. Fred, overhearing Buffy's comment, took exception. "Excuse me. You don't have to live on the Hellmouth to be useful. I go where Gunn goes. And Cordy goes where.."  
  
Cordelia prayed Fred didn't say "Angel," prayed she wouldn't embarrass her like that.   
  
"Cordy goes where the action is," Spike said, appearing out of nowhere, like a guardian angel. "Now what's this I hear about a vision, love?" he asked, coming up and throwing his arm around Cordelia. All she could do was stare at him blankly. "Well lets go help the hopeless and whatnot. Come on, get a move on."


	10. Hit Me With Your Best Shot

**Hit Me With Your Best Shot**

Buffy wondered how, after years spent fighting vampires and demons, after meeting Dracula himself, and after coming back from the dead, how it was possible that she could still be surprised. How anything could shock her. How she could still look at life and think, "Well, that's odd."  
  
Because she was officially surprised, shocked, and the whole situation definitely struck her as odd.  
  
_I guess this isn't the wierdest thing I've ever seen. I mean, there was that year that everyone wore those Levi's T-shirts that said "Button Your Fly." And that time I caught Giles listening to gangster rap alone in his apartment. Wouldn't have pegged him as a Snoop fan. But still, this..._   
  
"This" was Cordelia. Cordelia fighting. Fighting with proficiency, grace, and more than a little style. _Although if you ask me, using a sword is a tad showy. We're fighting vampires, all you really need to do is stake them. You could use, like, a pencil. There's really no need to execute a back flip and cut their heads off. And I like to get in one last flippant remark before I kill them. Where's her biting before-death one liner? It lacks finesse._   
  
The whole operation had lacked finesse. Willow had volunteered to take Dawn home and had left the rest of the group bickering outside Caritas over who would ride with who. 

Gunn didn't want to be in the same car as Xander, Xander wanted to sit up front but Spike said no way was Xander sitting next to him. They probably would have been there for hours if Cordy hadn't silently shaken her head and gone and sat in the passenger seat of Spike's car.   
  
While Xander whined that Cordy hadn't even bothered to call "Shotgun," Angel had just watched Cordy while Buffy watched him watching Cordy. His face seemed so stony and impassive. She hadn't seen him look like that since...well since she and him were dating. The muscles in his jawbone clenched and unclenched in a way that made it hard to tell if he was sad or angry or what.   
  
_Wow, he really is reminding me of the good old days. Before Angel got all chatty and able to express his feelings. God that was hot._  
  
Finally Angel just walked up, grabbed a still-complaining Xander, and bodily steered him into the front seat of HIS car. Gunn, Fred and Buffy immediately hopped in the back, even though it killed Buffy to leave Cordy and Spike alone in the car together. They seemed to be having a progressively worse influence on each other. _And bad things happen when a man and a woman are alone in a car together. Bad, naughty things. I will so kill him if he touches her. No wait, I'll kill her if she touches him. No wait, I'll kill them both._   
  
At that point it was too late to hop out of the car and commit double homicide, so Buffy just ground her teeth and plotted as the two cars sped off. The drive, at least from her point of view, was quite possibly the most uncomfortable car ride of her life. And that was including the time in high school when Xander had given her a ride home after she caught him giving himself a hand in Giles's office.   
  
They had followed Cordy and Spike to the park. The entire group had run, weapons out, to a picnic table on the edge of the clearing, where a group of about ten teens were gathered. They had been met with laughter. Lots and lots of laughter.  
  
"What's wrong with you people? Who are you freaks? Is this some weird role play shit. Get a life you D&D wierdos!"  
  
Of course the laughter had stopped when a group of vampires had arrived. Then it was all "Help! Monsters! Help!". They had been only to eager to follow Fred to safety while the rest of the group held of the vampires.  
  
And now, here Buffy was, watching Cordy in the thick of the fight. _Where's the girl who worried about her manicure? Who never said thank you when we saved her?_ Buffy shook off her inner thoughts, noting that Cordy was actually not in the thick of the fight anymore. She was running away. _I would have said that was typical, but this new improved Cordy the Vampire Killer doesn't seem like the type to run out in the middle. _

Buffy looked to where she was running and saw an old wooden playground across the soccer field from the picnic area. Cordy wasn't running away, she was running to. Because on the two swings of the playground two kids were making out, apparently oblivious to the fact that their friends had just all run for their lives.  
  
Buffy started running after her.  
  
* * *  
  
Cordelia's shoes had cost two weeks salary. That was what was running through her mind as she raced toward the old playground. She couldn't handle worrying about whether or not she would get there in time to rescue the Romeo and Juliet. She certainly couldn't use the time to begin to process the horribleness of finding Buffy in Angel's arms.   
  
_So I'll think about my lovely new expensive shoes and the lovely blister that is forming on my heel. If only they made Jimmy Choos suitable for vampire slaying. Who knows. Maybe they do. I should ask Buffy about that. _The thought made Cordy want to laugh. Like Buffy knew designers. Everything about her screamed fashionably low-cost. The girl was Steve Madden, not Manola Blahnik.  
  
Cordelia barreled towards the playground and the two teens finally unlocked their lips to stare at the woman who looked like she was about to have a heart attack.  
  
"You two," Cordy huffed, "have GOT" (quick breath) "to get out of here. Now."  
  
The boy snorted. His girlfriend stared disdainfully at Cordy, who was still trying to catch her breath. _Damn you and your second hand smoke Spike._   
  
"Um yeah, who do you think you are?" the girl asked. Cordelia noted that unlike Buffy, this girl did know Manola Blahnik. And Prada. And the diamond studs looked a lot like Harry Winston. God she hated LA teenagers. "You aren't the cops," the girl continued. "You can't make us do anything. Maybe YOU should leave."  
  
_I wonder if I was that bitchy in high school? Ha! I was probably worse. _. For a brief moment, Cordelia debated leaving the little snots for the undead.   
  
"Look, you two, you really are in danger here. You need to leave." Cordy tried again, trying to sound authoritative as possible.  
  
"Listen lady," the boyfriend started, standing up.  
  
"She's right," came a voice from behind Cordelia. "You need to go now." Buffy.  
  
Cordy watched the boy's face as he looked at Buffy, watched it go white and tight with fear. "Uh, okay. Yeah. Sure. We'll go. Come on Amber."  
  
_All right. I don't think so. She comes over, tells them the exact same thing and it works? Why does she have the magic touch?_   
  
"Um, hi, yeah, okay." Cordy just had to ask. "How come when I tell you to go you laugh, but Little Miss Likes to Fight, who doesn't even know what Earl Jeans are, who can't tell her Prada from her Payless, you listen to her? What makes her more intimidating than me? She's only 5'2 you know. She's like a tiny angry blond midget."  
  
"Hey," Buffy said before the young man hurriedly interrupted her.  
  
"She's not intimidating. The guy with fangs standing behind her is intimidating," he stated, reaching for his girlfriends hand.   
  
As he pulled her away, she called back to Cordy, "And you really shouldn't make fun of your friend. YOU look like Vidal Sassoon puked on your head. Whatever made you think someone with your complexion could pull off those highlights?" With that, they ran off.   
  
"Bitch," Cordelia muttered.   
  
"Reminds me of someone I went to high school with," Buffy said, before choosing to focus on the matter at hand.  
  
Cordy found herself inching closer to Buffy as three more vampires joined the party. It was relatively quiet as the vamps surrounded them, getting progressively more growly and ominous. It made Cordelia nervous.  
  
"So, are we waiting for an umpire or can we make with the fighty," she whispered to Buffy.  
  
"I was waiting for someone to sing the Star Spangled Banner, but sure, we can start. Now good for you boys?" Buffy asked.  
  
For a while, as kicks and punches flew, both girls stayed relatively silent. Both were aware it wouldn't last long.  
  
"Cordy," Buffy said as she dodged a blow to her side.  
  
"Hmmm," she replied. She was trying not to laugh. The vampire in the vest had just tried to use that Karate Kid move. Vampires and cable television were a dangerous mix.  
  
"Stay away from Spike," Buffy told Cordy in a faux-nonchalant way.   
  
"Now, why, Buffy, would I do that," Cordelia replied. _Why don't you stay away from Angel. Why don't you go home? Why don't you ever bother to exfoliate? _"Spike and I have a good time together. Unlike some people, I manage to relate to the men in my life without all the angst and violence."  
  
"Spike's not a man." Buffy said grimly. "And he's...you just can't...Stay away from him."  
  
"Yeah, well, you stay away from Angel," Cordy said before she could stop herself. This was not territory she felt like entering tonight.  
  
"What!"  
  
Of course, now that the door was open, Cordy couldn't very well turn around. "That's right. Stay away from Angel. Cause you know, there's no harm that can come from me hanging out with Spike. But every time you and Angel cross paths, it's like the end of the  
world. Literally."  
  
Without turning around from the beating she was giving the vampire in blue, Buffy said, "Ohhhh, sounds like someone's more than a little jealous."  
  
Damn right I'm jealous Cordy thought. But that's not what she said. She said, "Please. I just have a profound desire not to have my boss turn evil and eat me."  
  
Buffy snorted. "Sure. I don't believe that for a second. How long have you been trying to get in Angel's pants? Six years now? I've been here two days and he was all over me."  
  
Cordy hissed as a vampire landed a blow to her thigh. "Yeah, if only I'd known that all it took to seduce Angel was an off-key country song. Oh, and while we're on the subject of Caritas, making out in a bar? That's soooo freshman year of college."  
  
"And just how would you know that Cordelia? YOU didn't ever go to college," Buffy spat out.   
  
Cordelia half turned away from the vampire, figuring it would be a lot more fun to just beat the hell out of Buffy. While she debated the pros and cons of picking a fight with the Chosen One, the vamp clipped her across the face. _Oh no. I don't think so. _  
  
"How many times have I told you guys...NOT THE FACE!" Cordy screamed. WIthout even thinking she reached down and pulled off one of her precious Jimmy Choos and slammed the wooden stiletto heel into his chest.  
  
"Not too shabby," Buffy said as the vampire turned to dust. "You know, it pains me to say this, but you're not entirely awful at this," she continued, flipping a vampire over her back before turning and staking him.  
  
"Thanks," Cordy replied just as grudgingly, as she tried to adjust to fighting with one shoe on and one shoe off. "Do you know how much money I save by working out this way instead of going to the gym?"  
  
"Yeah, but you don't have to deal with demon goo when you take a spin class," Buffy pointed out.  
  
They had been staking while they were talking and Cordy a little surprised when she realized that they had dusted them all. "That's the last one," she said quietly.  
  
"Yeah. But, I don't know. My spidey sense is still tingling."  
  
Cordy groaned. "More vampires? Yuck. I'm starting to sweat you know. This dress was not created for sweating." That wasn't the only reason she hoped the fighting was over. _I want to go home. I want to be alone. Alone. Like I am going to be for the rest of my life. Wow, that's depressing. I feel like I should go eat one of those entire Sara Lee cakes or something. That always seems to work for women in those Lifetime movies. _  
  
* * *  
  
Cordy had asked if it was more vampires but Buffy didn't think there were. Something, however, was definitely up.  
  
"You know, it doesn't feel so much vampy as it feels--"  
  
"Like a big yellow-green gooey demon with scary sharp claws," Cordy interrupted, eyes huge.  
  
Buffy sighed. Questionably cut hair or not, Cordelia was still asking inane questions. Not that much had changed. "Cordelia, my spidey sense isn't that specific," Buffy started to explain. Then all of the sudden Cordy was running at her. She barely had time to  
brace her body for impact when Cordelia slammed into her and sent her flying.   
  
_What the fuck? Cordelia wants to fight me? Someone's gotten a little to big for her brand new slaying britches. Looks like it's time to teach someone a lesson. _  
  
Buffy turned and saw the big gooey demon Cordy had spoken of. It was halfway down the slide Buffy had just been standing in front of when it launched itself at Cordelia. All the training in the world couldn't have gotten her out of the way in time and one of the  
demon's claws sliced into her stomach. Then the demon flung Cordelia to the ground, leaving Buffy no time to contemplate the fact that Cordy may very well have just saved her life.  
  
She hopped off the ground and stood facing the demon. "Why do you guys always have to pick fights? Can't we all just get along?"  
  
"You killed my minions," the demon said, surprisingly articulate for a big slimy mess of a creature.  
  
"You have vampire minions?" Buffy asked. She knew now wasn't the time to question evil alliances, but it really struck her as out of the ordinary.   
  
"A demon needs followers. The cults and militias ate up a big chunk of the available human minions. So I have to make do with the leftovers."  
  
"Umm, okay. Well. Sorry?" Buffy offered. She didn't really feel like fighting anymore and she needed to make sure Cordy was okay. "Can't you just find more followers and we call it a day?"  
  
"Do you know how hard it is to find good minions? Vampires aren't known for their loyalty, they are very fickle creatures. I was paying those guys. A LOT."  
  
Buffy was about to suggest he just write it off as a business expense but realized this wasn't a conflict she could talk through. She would have to fight. _Damn, I've already broken three nails. _Deciding nice nails just wasn't in the cards for her, she attacked.  
  
Buffy landed a kick to the demons head. Cordy was right. Sometimes slaying was better than Tae-Bo. Speaking of Cordy....  
  
"Hey, are you okay Cordelia?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Oh, just peachy. This is in no way worse than the rebar incident," Cordy answered. Buffy was a little worried though. Her voice sounded different. Breathy. Buffy narrowly missed being disemboweled and decided the demon needed to die. Soon.  
  
"Hey Cordelia," Buffy called. "Mister Pointy isn't exactly effective against this guy. Any ideas?"   
  
Moving like she was underwater, almost drunkenly, Cordelia tossed her purse to Buffy.  
  
_Oh well. Better than nothing. _Buffy started hitting the demon over the head with the purse. She figured there was probably enough makeup and nail polish in there to slow him down.  
  
"No. IN the bag," Cordy cried out.  
  
Buffy tore open the purse and pulled out a stun gun. She immediately used it and once the demon was down she used the strap on Cordy's purse to hang him from the monkey bars. He twitched a little before the lack of oxygen killed him.   
  
_God I love it when I get creative. _Buffy glanced down at the stun gun. "Oh me likey. Hey, Cor, where did you get this. I gotta get me one of these bad boys." There was no answer. "Cordelia?"  
  
Buffy looked over to where Cordy was sitting on the ground. Actually, now she was lying down. And the ground around her, all of the sudden, it looked way too RED.  
  
_Oh shit._   
  
* * *  
  
Angel felt old. He was old, but he physically felt old, which was odd for a man who was eternally about 27. But he felt old and tired and beaten down. And it had absolutely nothing to do with the five vampires he had just personally staked.   
  
"I got the last one," Gunn said as the body in front of him turned to dust. Angel scanned the area to make sure Gunn was right. Honestly, he didn't want Gunn to be right. It would be nice to fight some more. Maybe go get a late night snack. And then they could all rent a movie together. _Anything to avoid the mess I somehow managed to land myself in tonight. _  
  
Xander and Fred strolled over from the parking lot.  
  
"Did all those kids get out okay?" Angel asked them.  
  
Xander smirked. "Yeah, they were fine. I confiscated their alcohol though. It seemed like the right thing to do. Prevent underage drinking." He took a pull of the bottle of Southern Comfort he held in his hand.  
  
"I get it," Gunn said, grabbing the bottle and taking a swig himself. "Kind of like our civic duty," he said.  
  
"Exactly," Xander replied, although he still seemed slightly wary of the bigger man.  
  
"Hey, toss that over this way," Spike called out. "You aren't the only ones feeling a little thirsty."  
  
Gunn paused, then finally rolled his eyes and gave Spike the bottle. It was the rolling of the eyes that made Angel think of Cordelia. And the fact that she was no longer anywhere in sight. Buffy had seemingly disappeared as well.  
  
"Anyone know where Cordy and Buffy are?" Angel asked, hoping his voice didn't betray the surprisingly high level of panic coursing through his body right then.  
  
"I think I saw them running over to the playground over there," Fred told him, pointing to where she had last seen the girls. The entire group slowly started to walk over that way. There was little talking but much passing of the Southern Comfort.  
  
"Hey," Xander said when they were halfway across the soccer field. "This might just be the drink talking, but doesn't it look like one of those girls is on the ground?"  
  
Spike laughed. "I'll tell you what happened. Cordy finally told the Slayer off and Buffy gave her the old one-two punch. Or maybe just the one punch. That's probably all it would take."  
  
"She better not have hit Cordy," Gunn said menacingly.  
  
Angel refused to think about the possibility of Buffy hitting Cordy. "Cordy can take care of herself," he told them with finality. He was about to explain that Buffy would never purposely hit a human anyway when all of the sudden he froze.  
  
"Did any of you guys get hurt back there?" he asked. No one answered. "Hurt, cut,anything?" They all shook their heads. Angel was confused. _Maybe I'm wrong._   
  
"No peaches, I smell it too," Spike told him quietly. That's all it took to send Angel racing off towards the playground.  
  
"Why'd he run off like that," Xander asked. "What did he smell? Is it me? Do I smell that bad? Are people running from me now? Is that it? Just tell me. You can tell me. I want to know, if I smell, I really want to know." He was silenced when Fred of all people smacked him upside the head.  
  
"Angel smelled blood," she told Xander. "And if it's not ours..."  
  
* * *  
  
"Dammit Cordelia, I told you to keep your eyes open," Buffy told the girl on the ground harshly. _Think Buffy think. Oh shit. Oh shit. Okay, think of something besides 'oh shit.' Apply pressure. Yeah, that's what you do. Apply pressure to the wound._   
  
"Hey. Cordy. Focus. Stay awake. I think you might be going into shock." Buffy felt pretty darn sure SHE was in shock. She could feel Cordelia's blood flowing through her fingers.  
  
"No," Cordy said softly. "Shock is what I felt when I saw you in that ratty Homecoming dress of yours. This is pain."  
  
"What were you thinking?" Buffy couldn't stop herself from asking.  
  
"Well, I thought the color was all wrong for you and the cut-"  
  
"What were you thinking TONIGHT, when you pushed me? Why did you do it?" Buffy needed to know.  
  
"Well, you didn't see him coming." It sounded like Cordy was trying to stall.  
  
"And?" Buffy wasn't letting this one go.  
  
"And...I desperately wanted more disfiguring scars on my stomach. They are going to be THE accessory of 2002." Cordy's joke would have gone over much better if she hadn't followed it with a moan of pain.  
  
"Anything to be trendy," Buffy told her. "Seriously Cordelia. Why?"  
  
For a moment, Cordelia just stared up at her. Finally she bit her lip and looked away.   
  
"Buffy. He...when you...he couldn't go through losing you again. I couldn't handle watching him get over losing you again." Cordy refused to make eye contact.  
  
Buffy swallowed. "No one is losing anyone here." _I hope._   
  
Cordelia finally met her eyes and smiled grimly at her and it was something closely resembling a moment, or it might have been, had Angel not run up just then. There was a pounding of feet and then there he was, on Cordelia's other side. Angel didn't seem to know what to say or do. He just laid a shaky hand on her cheek.   
  
"Hey you," Cordy told him weakly.  
  
Angel opened his mouth then quickly shut it. It's like he was unable to talk. His face. The look on his face made tears gather behind Buffy's eyelids.  
  
"Hey, Broody, I know I look like the buffet table of your dreams right now, but don't you even think about snacking," Cordy said. She was clearly trying to tease but Buffy and Angel could both see it was taking all of her effort. And the effort was totally wasted. No one was laughing.  
  
* * *  
  
Of course Angel didn't know what to say. Of course she took the lead, trying to tease him out of his worry, even though the air was growing thick with the scent of her blood, her fear. _She had been afraid and of course, I failed yet again to be there for her. Why should anything be different now? _It was ironic, her joking about him wanting to snack on her. Never had the smell of blood made him so sick before.  
  
When he had run up and saw her lying there, it made him want to die all over again. She was so pale. Buffy's hands were covered in her blood. And all he could hear were her shallow little breaths and the too rapid beating of her heart.   
  
Angel had known fear before. So often before. He had been afraid for himself, for Buffy, for the people he tried to help. For his son. But seeing this woman hurt, it always did something to him. This strong unstoppable woman. Seeing her in a hospital bed screaming, or when her body would shake for hours after getting a vision, or hell, when she got a paper cut. It sparked something so basic. So elemental. Primordial.  
  
_Despite all the things in our way, despite the fact that I have serious doubts about how she feels about me, I've never questioned that feeling. _It was the need to possess, and subsequently, the need to protect. _Whether she knows it or not, whether she wants it or not, Cordelia Chase BELONGS to me. _  
  
He couldn't tell her that. None of that, not now at least. Not with Buffy here and Cordy's blood on the ground all around her. He couldn't manage to say anything. He wanted to grab her, smother her, cover her up but he was afraid to move her. So Angel made do.   
He gripped her hand and tried to convey, with a stroke of his thumb on her palm, just how much he cared.   
  
Spike ran up. "The Harris boy is calling an ambulance from his cell phone. They should be here in a couple of minutes. We should get her over to the parking lot." Angel didn't move. "Angel. Angel!" Spike yelled, trying to get the ensouled vampires attention. He didn't move. He didn't blink.  
  
Finally, knowing time was of the essence, Buffy bent down and leaned over to Angel's ear. "Listen to me Angel. I know you are worried about her. But it's not that bad. Really. It's not. She's losing a lot of blood but she'll be fine. We NEED to get her to the hospital. She needs YOU to get her to the hospital. Do you understand that?"  
  
It seemed to get through to him. Angel nodded his head, as if clearing the fog from his mind. Gently, as if he were holding most precious jewel in existence, he picked Cordy up. Without saying a word, he started off towards the parking lot.   
  
Buffy couldn't seem to move. Noting the stricken look on her face, Spike put his hand on her shoulder. He couldn't offer warmth, but he could offer comfort. For a split second, Buffy started to lean her head towards his hand. Then she caught her self, took a deep breath, and slowly reached up and removed his hand. They both started walking.

TBC


	11. Aftermath

**Aftermath**

Hours later, Angel was staring at a teen pregnancy poster on the wall of the hospital waiting room. He had been looking at it for hours. There were plenty of magazines on the table and Fred and Gunn were there if he wanted to talk, but all he could handle right now was staring at the girl on the wall. Her eyes looked so sad. At least her eyes were open. When he had last seen Cordelia, her eyes had been closed. Fear gripped Angel. _What if I never get a chance to see her eyes again? _  
  
Everyone else had gone home around three, once a doctor had emerged from the intensive care unit and informed them that while Cordelia had not yet regained consciousness, her condition was no longer critical. They had pumped massive amounts of blood into her and she had a concussion, but all signs pointed to a full recovery.   
  
_Too bad I won't be having a full recovery any time soon. _Angel had found relief in the doctors words but the intense fear was still there, coloring every moment that passed. He needed to see her. He needed to see those eyes, hear her heartbeat, watch her lips quirk into a smile. He needed Cordelia.  
  
_And this time, I'm going to make sure she hears it, how important she is to me. And then we're going to take her back home and send the Scoobies back to the Hellmouth and I'm going to sit her down and tell her…What? What can I possibly tell her? That despite the fact that I'm a vampire and despite the fact that she found me kissing Buffy, I'd really like to take her out sometime? That I like her in a more than friends way and that should cancel out the fact that she has suffered more pain than any person deserves in a lifetime? _Angel thought back to the question he had asked Lorne the night of the ballet. What could he possibly offer Cordelia?  
  
"Angel," Fred said quietly. He hadn't even heard her approach. "The nurse just came out. She said that Cordy woke up. She's still pretty groggy but you can go in and see her if you…" Angel was already halfway down the hall.  
  
* * *  
  
In the doorway outside Cordelia's room, Angel stopped, taking a deep, though unnecessary breath. She was so pale. He watched as she gingerly sat up in bed. She moved one way and must have pulled at the stitches, releasing a small gasp of pain. Angel unknowingly sucked in air too, mimicking her.   
  
"Do you mind making sure those shades are pulled down all the way," Cordy asked the nurse who had been making notes on her vitals. Her voice was hoarse—a frightening resemblance to when her visions had caused physical manifestations.   
  
Noting the woman's odd look, Cordelia made up an excuse. "I just don't feel like seeing the sun right now." The nurse nodded and moved to secure the shades. Cordelia absently picked at the large white bandage affixed to her side.   
  
"Also, do you think you could go get one of my friends?"  
  
"I don't think that would be a problem," the nurse answered, smiling. She walked back over and rearranged Cordelia's blankets. "What's your friend look like?"  
  
"Oh he'll be easy to find. Tall, dark, very hot in that mysterious bad boy kind of way."   
  
The nurse looked up and saw Angel in the doorway. "Let me guess? A penchant for black leather?"  
  
Cordelia's mouth dropped open. "How'd you—" she asked before noticing where the nurse was looking. Cordy turned to the door and smiled. "Angel." Neither of them moved or said anything, and the nurse, who had seen more than her share of day time soap operas, knew that was her cue to leave. Even then, Angel still stood just inside the doorway, not quite sure how to proceed.   
  
"How are you?" _Okay, so it's not the most original line in the world, especially considering the fact that I had hours to prepare._   
  
"Well, I'm clearly out of the running for that part of bikini-clad extra on that episode of 'VIP', but other than that, I'm fine. Alive. So I guess I'm doing better than you."  
  
"That's a given." _Of course she's doing better than me. She didn't have to watch the person she loves nearly die. She hasn't spent the last four hours wondering how she would go on living if her reason for living was gone. _  
  
"I know I look like hell Angel, but I don't have cooties. Come over here," Cordy ordered.   
  
Angel did as commanded, coming to stand next to her bed. She wasn't yelling at him and she seemed to have forgotten everything at Caritas but Angel had learned enough about her in the past three years to know that wasn't true and that they would have to talk about it, soon. But if she didn't want do deal with it now, he would follow her lead. He would follow her anywhere. Before he could stop himself, he reached for her hand and squeezed, brushing his thumb over her pulse point because he needed proof that she was indeed okay. She squeezed his hand back and closed her eyes and it took all 250 years of willpower to not climb into bed and grab her and promise to devote the rest of his eternal life to keeping her safe and happy.  
  
"Are all those kids from the park okay?" she asked. Angel could only nod. "How's everyone else?"  
  
"Fine. Worried about you. I sent everyone but Fred and Gunn home. I tried to get them to go, but even without the Cordettes, you still seem to have one hell of a fan club." Before she could smile at his barb, Angel continued. "How did this happen?"   
  
Suddenly Cordy's eyes were everywhere, her gaze darting all around the room but avoiding him entirely. "Oh you know. It's not the first time I've gotten in the way of a big slimy demon. You look exhausted Broody Boy. The sun's up, which means you're up way past bedtime. Better get home before Wesley grounds you."  
  
_She's hiding something. Does she really think I won't notice something's up? _"Cor," Angel said but then he looked at her. Yes, they needed to talk, about how she got hurt and about what happened at the bar and about the fact that somewhere along the line he just might have fallen in love with his best friend. But not right now. She needed to rest. Talking could wait. It would have to. So, instead of pressing the issue, he just leaned down and kissed her forehead. "Get some rest," he murmured.   
  
"You too. And Angel," she called, "give Connor a smooch for me." He nodded and slowly walked out the door.   
  
* * *  
  
For the second night in a row, Buffy had been unable to sleep. Of course, she had gotten into bed a little before four in the morning, so calling it night was stretching it. Suddenly, the door to her room opened. She reached under her pillow for Mr. Pointy before seeing the light from the hall shining on red hair. Willow. Buffy motioned her closer and gestured to be quiet as to not wake up Dawn. Willow nodded and sat on the bed.  
  
"Fred and Gunn just got in. Cordelia woke up. They said she's fine…I mean, considering."  
  
Buffy only nodded, sitting up with her arms around her knees. _Good. That's good. Cordelia's okay. She's going to be fine and me and Angel kissed and everything is going to be okay. Except for the fact that Angel looked like he wanted to cry when we first got to the hospital and discounting the fact that the kiss itself hadn't felt, I don't know, right. _  
  
"Buffy? You came here for Angel, didn't you? To, what, start up again?" Willow peered into the shadows, trying to discern the expression on Buffy's face when she failed to answer the question. "I'm going to take that as a yes. So, I'll skip the part about how there's still a big curse and now he's got Connor and you two live in two different places which might as well be two different worlds."  
  
"I appreciate you skipping that part," Buffy said, dryly.   
  
"But Buffy, there's something you need to think about. People, they, they change. They grow—"  
  
"Hey, there's nothing wrong with him growing—I happen to think Angel looks good with a few extra pounds on him." _Although actually, I so don't. Who wants cuddly, who needs hulking size? I'd much rather have someone lean, a body carved out of granite, all bone and sinew and oh dear god stop this right now. _  
  
"Regardless," Willow said, "people change physically and EMOTIONALLY. They start to want different things."  
  
"Angel and I have always wanted one thing," Buffy blurted out before remembering that Dawn was sleeping less than five feet away. "To be together," she continued in a more quiet voice. For a moment Willow just looked at her and Buffy wondered why it seemed so impossible to look her best friend in the eyes.   
  
"Buffy. Xander told me. He told me about how Angel was when he saw her get hurt. He said he's only seen that look once before. That time with the Master."  
  
"What's your point Willow," Buffy asked, having a sinking feeling she knew exactly what Will's point was. "What are you trying to say?"  
  
"I'm saying," Willow paused, pursing her lips, wondering how the best way to put this was. "Cordelia. I'm talking about Cordelia." There. It was out in the open.  
  
"What? They're FRIENDS."  
  
"Did you know he jumped into another dimension to save her? Twice? Did you know that she sleeps here sometimes Buffy, and when she sleeps here, do you know where she sleeps?"  
  
_Please don't say his bed. Please don't say with him. _Buffy didn't give Willow a chance to answer the question. _Well, even if that's true, it has to be totally innocent. Angel does have a soul to worry about. Willow's just misinterpreting. She's just confused._   
  
"I get that they're close Will. But, it's not like that." _It can't be like that. That would ruin everything. _"It's like a, a brother/sister thing. Like you and Xander."   
  
Willow had the audacity to snort at that. "I was in love with Xander for years."  
  
"Okay, so bad example." _Moving on now. _"That doesn't mean—"  
  
Willow held up her hand, cutting Buffy off. "I talked to Fred. She told me lots of things, things you would be very interested in hearing. Things you should hear even if you aren't interested, actually. Cordy was going to die because of those visions. Did you know that? She was going to die and she didn't tell anyone, no one, and she gave up every chance she had of getting rid of them. Does that sound like the Cordelia we know? Or the one we thought we knew?"  
  
Buffy didn't know what to make of that information. She couldn't deal with that now. She couldn't look at Cordelia in that light. Not now anyway. "So? She likes playing martyr now—probably figures she can get more attention that way. People can fawn over how perfect she is, like she's a fucking saint."  
  
"How many saints do you know that are half-demon," Willow asked.   
  
"WHAT," Buffy exclaimed, again forgetting about her sleeping sister. Luckily Dawn just mumbled something and turned over.   
  
"So she could keep the visions. She let someone make her half demon so she could keep the visions and keep helping Angel. She went demony FOR HIM."  
  
_Okay. Cordy's half demon. That's big. I admit, that's big. But it doesn't change anything. _"Fine. I buy that Cordelia's fallen for Angel. Been there done that. Remember how she used to flirt with him at the Bronze? But so what? It's one hell of a stretch to say that Angel likes her back. Trust me. I know Angel, I know him better than anyone." _Maybe if I keep saying it, that will be true. _"He doesn't like her. He couldn't. Not like that."  
  
"You honestly believe that? You believe he only cares about her in a friendly platonic way? Cause, you know, Buffy, you're MY friend but how often do I straddle you on the floor of a hotel lobby? How often do we make goo-goo eyes at each other across the room?"  
  
"Goo-goo eyes?" Buffy repeated, hoping to distract Willow.   
  
Willow wouldn't be put off track. "Yes. They have been big with the making of goo-goo eyes. You would have seen it. If you were letting yourself actually see them together. Because, I think, and I'm pretty sure Xander and Dawn would agree, that since the minute we walked in the door, you've only seen what you want to see."   
  
_That's completely not true. Does she think I want to see Cordelia playing Mommy to Angel's child? Does she think I wanted to walk in on Angel sniffing Cordelia's sweater? Cause, I didn't want to see any of that. _Buffy wanted out of this conversation. NOW.  
  
"Why are you saying all this Willow? What? Are you jealous that Angel and I are together again and I have someone while you…don't. Are you sure this isn't all about you and Tara?" _Oh god. Why did I say that? I didn't WANT to see her face look like that again. I made her face look like that. What's wrong with me? _"Will. I, I didn't mean that."  
  
Willow stood up and smoothed out her pajamas. Hurt flared in her eyes, but her voice was calm. "I don't want to fight with you Buffy. We both need some sleep. I shouldn't have come here and started this conversation in the middle of the night, or day, or whatever the hell it is. I, I just wanted…" Willow sighed. "Let's talk about it tomorrow, err, today. Uh, I give up." She walked towards the door than stopped. Not turning around, she added, "Things are different though Buffy. You need to be aware of that." She left.  
  
Buffy leaned back on the pillow. Willow would probably pass out if she knew just how different things had gotten. If she knew how scared Buffy was all the time. If she knew how Buffy hadn't felt right since she came back. If she knew Buffy had slept with Spike, or worse, how Buffy had liked sleeping with Spike. _She'd be sickened. Because I'm disgusting. _Everything had gotten so messy, so very…gray. Buffy missed the black and white. She hated the messy. _I'm fixing it though. It's going to get better. _Buffy shut her eyes and tried not to think about how she had kissed Angel and waited for the fire. How the fire never came. Funny how there was always fire with Spike. So much fire she could get lost in the flames. 

TBC…

By the way, did I mention how much I love the feedback?


	12. Playing Dear Abby

**Playing Dear Abby**  
  
Angel took the sewers home, literally dragging one foot in front of the other. He had never felt such bone deep exhaustion before. It was like being hit by a car. Or falling out of a building. Or being impaled by a rebar, then falling out of a building and then getting hit by a car. 

All the drama of the past two days had taken its toll on him. He had never felt this tired before. It had just been too much to deal with. Seeing Cordy's budding friendship with Spike of all people, kissing Buffy, Cordelia finding them, and then topping the evening off by having her almost bleed out in his arms. Angel just wanted to go kiss his son and then fall asleep forever.   
  
Focusing solely on the need to get to a bed, Angel came in through the basement and started walking up the stairs. He ran right into Spike, who was coming downstairs at an alarming speed. Angel had to grab the railing at the last minute just to keep from falling.  
  
"Watch it you big poof," Spike said.  
  
Angel just shut his eyes, then opened them, mumbling a lame "sorry."  
  
"Don't know how I didn't know you were down here," Spike commented. "I usually smell that Nancy-Boy hair gel from a mile away."  
  
Angel didn't have the energy to notice he had been insulted. "Spike, I'm tired. Please move," he bit out.   
  
Spike, being Spike, ignored the request entirely. He stared at his grandsire a moment, before quietly asking, "How's the cheerleader."  
  
"She woke up. She's mad about what the stitches are going to do to her audition schedule. She's making jokes, she…" Angel stopped, noticing something on his hands. 

It was blood. His hands were still covered in Cordelia's blood. Suddenly the smells of her blood surrounded him, like he had bathed in it. He was going to be sick.   
  
Not missing Angel's reaction, Spike sighed. He really did have something important to do, but clearly that would have to wait. Angel was, after all, family. He grabbed Angel's arm and dragged him up the stairs. Angel barely noticed. He seemed to have gone into shock. 

Spike pushed him into a chair in the kitchen and then grabbed a bag of blood from the fridge. Moving to the microwave, Spike began speaking.   
  
"You know what I miss the most about the old days. There was no fear. I mean, sure you and Darla were intimidating and there was lots of other peoples' fear and Christ that was great." Angel still stared at his hands. "But the taste of my own fear. I miss the time when years would go by without that taste." The microwave beeped and he handed the sitting vampire a cup.   
  
Angel still didn't look at Spike and made no move to drink. Finally he said, "Since when are you so afraid?"  
  
"Please, like you don't know the answer to that one. Love, you dolt. The minute you know love, in comes that bloody awful taste of fear. And the more you love, the more that taste is always there. And not that I didn't love Dru, but she never had me this scared. At least not for those decades in the middle." Angel moved to take a drink and Spike caught himself smiling like a new mother. The realization sickened him.   
  
"And now, with Buffy, you're afraid? Of what? That she'll get hurt, or die again? Or that she won't ever love you back, that you'll never know how she feels?" Angel was confused.  
  
"I know how she feels. I'm afraid she'll never know how she feels. No strike that. I'm afraid of everything. I'm afraid she'll leave. I'm afraid she'll stay but not close enough. I'm afraid every time she walks away from me and I'm afraid every time I see her coming near me." Spike hadn't meant to say so much.   
  
"Spike, Buffy isn't Dru. She won't—"  
  
"Oh save it. I know she's not going to be my partner in crime. I know who she is."  
  
"Actually," Angel said quietly, "I was going to say that Buffy's not like Drusilla. She's loyal. She has this incredible heart."  
  
"She's sane."  
  
"Yeah, she's different from Dru that way too. But Spike, when Buffy loves someone, she loves them completely. There should never be fear in that kind of love." Angel looked at Spike and noted his childe's confusion. "Look, I'm not saying she feels anything for you. And by no means am I giving you my permission. I think she's crazy to lay down with you."  
  
"Oh but it's perfectly acceptable for you to try and worm your way into the cheerleader's pants?" Spike cried out, his feelings hurt.   
  
"Let me finish. I know that Buffy's not in a good place right now. And if being with you, if you help make it better for her, than I guess it's not completely horrible. But if you hurt her, if this 'relationship' ends the least badly, well, it better not end badly."  
  
"You think I would hurt her," Spike exclaimed, standing up so fast he knocked his chair over. "You, the man who she never recovered from. She never will recover from."  
  
"Spike, tell me that if the chip came out tomorrow, tell me you wouldn't rip open her throat and bleed her dry."  
  
Spike got right up in Angel's face. "If I wanted her dead, she'd be dead. Ever since she came back, the chip doesn't work on her. I could snap her pretty little neck without a twinge of pain. I CAN hurt her. But I don't."  
  
Realization dawned on Angel. "You just let her hurt you." _I may not "have" Cordy but at least I don't have her pulling me into bed with one hand and smacking me with the other. God, what that must be like._ Somewhere, deep deep inside Angel, respect for Spike started to grow. The two vampires just stared at each other, suddenly uncomfortable when they realized they sounded way too much like Tuesday's on Oprah with Dr. Phil.   
  
"Well," Spike said. "Look at us, having a heart to heart over a nice cup of blood. Getting our feelings and sharing way too bloody much. I'm off."  
  
Angel nodded and started towards the stairs. If possible, this conversation with Spike had left him even more tired. "Wait, Spike. Where do you have to be at" Angel checked his watch, "seven-o-clock in the morning."  
  
From the basement, Spike called, "Uh, gotta go see…a girl…about a thing."  
  
* * *  
  
Cordelia woke up with that creepy feeling that someone was staring at her—the uneasiness that always manages to invade your sleep when someone's eyes are on you. Cordy had a pretty good idea of who it was too. _Dammit, I told Angel to go home and get some rest, not come back in stalk me in an hour. _She peeked one eye open, registering the cool darkness of her hospital room and the presence of an unexpected guest.  
  
"I thought Angel was the only vampire who got off on watching people sleep? Or is it a genetic, sire to childe thing?"  
  
Spike grinned. God he liked this girl. She looked tired and pale and in that minute, reminded him so much of Buffy. She had that face on, the face that said 'yes, I'm hurt but I'll go on because I have to, because that's what I do, not matter how much I hurt.' He didn't think Cordelia would like being told she looked just like the Slayer. So he said just that.  
  
"Excuse Me? Buffy and I look nothing alike. Nothing!"  
  
"Right now, you really kinda do," Spike said.  
  
"Oh that's it. Looks like I have to change my hair again."  
  
Alarmed, Spike said, "Don't do anything drastic. Forget I said it. You two chits are nothing alike and you look nothing alike."  
  
"Hmph. Thank you," Cordy huffed.  
  
"She doesn't look anywhere near as bad as you do right now," Spike couldn't resist saying to her.   
  
"Well she would! I mean, if I hadn't…"   
  
Now, this was what Spike had come here for. Sure he liked getting Cordelia riled and having a nice spat, but they really did have more important things to talk about. Because something was really bothering him about what happened in the park. Buffy's story hadn't made a ton of sense and he was hoping Cordy would be more forthcoming. 

"If you hadn't what?" Spike asked. "Because in Buffy's story, she was standing in front of the slide, a slimy demon came down the slide, and then the demon cut you open." Spike stared as Cordy flinched at the memory. "I knew it," he said quietly. "You got hurt trying to save her. You were protecting her."  
  
Cordelia was mortally offended. "I SO was not."  
  
"Oh really. How'd you get that nasty gash than? Hmm?"  
  
Why hadn't Cordy  made up some sort of story in advance? Or better yet, why hadn't she and Buffy come up with coinciding stories? _That might have had a little something to do with the fact that I was bleeding and unconscious after it happened, but still…_   
  
"Well," Cordelia drawled, "she didn't see that thing and so I—"  
  
"So you jumped in and saved her. Took the hit. Don't try to deny it."  
  
_Geez, if he knows exactly what happened, why the hell is he asking. _"I had to."  
  
"That's odd," Spike commented, coming to sit on the bed. "I didn't know there was a rule about having to save people you supposedly hate."  
  
"I don't hate Buffy."  
  
"But you've never liked her much. So why?"  
  
Cordelia sighed. "I don't know Spike."  
  
"Why?" he said, louder now.  
  
"I guess, maybe in the heat of the moment…"  
  
"WHY"  
  
"Because I had to. Because I love Angel and I don't think he could take losing her again. I don't think I could watch that look come on his face again." Cordelia didn't realize she was shouting until a nurse came and peeked in the door, looking disapprovingly at Spike. After they shoo-ed her away, neither knew exactly what to say.   
  
"I came here," Spike started, "I came here to thank you. I had a pretty good idea of what happened, and I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate, I mean, she, she means everything to me right now, and *I* couldn't take losing her again either, and…" Spike noticed that Cordelia was staring at him, probably cause he was babbling like an idiot. It was too late to stop now. Might as well finish.  

"But now that I'm here, I'm going to give you some advice. It's brave of you and all. Getting hurt to save Angel's ex. Trying to help them get time alone. Telling yourself to just accept what those two are and always will be. Seriously, it's very brave and self-sacrificing and all that other crap. But you know what takes even more guts? Risking it all."  
  
"Huh," Cordy said.  
  
"Quit playing courageous martyr for love, get off your ass and try being really brave sometime. Try telling the person you love how you feel. That, my dear, takes real balls."  
  
"I have no idea how he feels. He and Buffy—"  
  
"Buffy's last words to me in Sunnydale were that she hated me and I should go to hell. It only took me five hours to catch up to her here in LA. That's courage. Coming clean about how you feel when you don't know your chances…or hell, when you have no chance."  
  
"Hmmm," Cordy pondered his words.  
  
"Yeah, you think about that for a bit. Well, you really do look like hell, so I'm guessing you need some sleep. Just wanted to pop in for a bit." Spike stood next to the bed, awkwardly looking down at her. Then he leaned over and kissed her on the forehead, just as Angel had. And Cordelia's eyes fluttered closed, finally losing herself in sleep.

TBC…


	13. Spanking Inner Moppets

**Quick warning, this chapter runs pretty long!  Thanks again to everyone who's still reading **

**Spanking Inner Moppets**

"Where's Dawn again?" Willow asked. She rubbed at her eyes tiredly, even though it was only early evening.  
  
"My dad stopped by to take her out for lunch and some shopping. Wants to make up for not seeing her in a year and a half" Buffy mumbled over a yawn. Even though she had slept until after two, the events of the previous night had her running on empty. Willow and Xander looked similarly worse for wear.   
  
The three of them were uneasily "relaxing" in the lobby of the Hyperion. Their reluctant hosts were nowhere to be seen. Angel had yet to come downstairs, Fred had gone for a late lunch with Gunn, and Wes was MIA.   
  
"When's she getting back," Xander asked, more because he would be glad for another familiar rather than out of an intense need to speak to Dawn. He was more than ready to get back to Anya and Sunnydale, where he wasn't so out of his element  
  
"Should be in the next hour or so," Buffy answered. "We could probably be home before nine or ten tonight." That had Willow and Xander sitting up.  
  
"Uh, but, what about Cordelia?" Xander stammered. "I mean, she's in the hospital. Shouldn't we wait? Or at least buy her a plant or something."  
  
Buffy flinched. If Xander and Willow knew how Cordelia ended up in the hospital, they would totally veto leaving before seeing her again. _I don't want to see her again. Have to thank her...ughh. I don't want to owe my life to Cordelia. That is a conversation I am so not having._

"Xander, what can our being here possibly do?" Buffy asked. "It's not like we're doctors. It's not even like we're her friends. And you know, none of this would have happened if it had just been me and Angel, like I suggested. If she can't fight, she shouldn't be getting in the middle like that." _Okay, now I'm just being childish. The only real reason she got hurt was to keep ME from getting hurt. _

Her two friend's shocked looks pushed Buffy to continue. "Hey, I'm not saying it's her fault. I'm just not going to buy her a medal for getting injured in the line of duty. It was a cut. In the grand scheme of things, it was just a cut. Hello, I jumped to my death. Let's look at this with a little perspective."   
  
"Um, Buffy, maybe you need a little perspective. They had to pump three units of blood into her," Willow said haltingly.  
  
"Yeah. That's like a 12-course meal for Angel," Xander, trying to inject some humor into what was turning into a very tense discussion. Nobody laughed.   
  
* * *  
  
Angel didn't know what to do. He had woken up, taken a quick shower, and was getting dressed when his son woke up from his own nap. After giving him a quick change, Angel had been heading downstairs for bottles and blood when he had heard the Scoobies talking. For some reason, their tone had him pausing and he had stood at the top of the stairs, telling himself there was really nothing wrong with eavesdropping, especially when people were talking in the middle of the lobby of the hotel, a hotel he happened to own.   
  
When he heard the Scoobies might be leaving soon, he had felt nothing but relief. He and Buffy hadn't talked since the kiss the night before and he would be damn close to perfectly happy if it never came up again. It was clear to him now that Buffy wanted him, that she had come here with the intention of getting together again, but he wasn't exactly sure why. They hadn't parted well the last time, they hadn't talked in months, and the time they had spent alone together this weekend hadn't exactly been chock full of chemistry. He didn't want to have the "I think we should just be friends," speech, not with her. _Especially since Buffy and I, we've never been friends before. _  
  
The topic switched to Cordelia and Angel had to stop himself from squeezing the softly cooing baby in his arms too hard. Before he had just been confused by Buffy. Now he was officially angry. _How dare she? Is she actually blaming Cordelia for getting hurt? What the hell is wrong with her?_   
  
"Getting an earful, are you?" Angel didn't realize that Lorne was standing right next to him until he spoke. He had no idea how long the demon had been there.   
  
"Uh, I was going downstairs, and then I heard, and I couldn't help…" Angel stammered.   
  
"Easy big fella. No biggie. Nothing wrong with keeping your eyes and ears open. You'd be surprised how much you can learn that way."  
  
"Should I go down there? I mean, what Buffy's saying, about Cordy, it's, it's not fair."  
  
"I think, for the time being, us three should just stay up here on the observation deck. See what other handy information we can pick up," Lorne decided. He had the uneasy feeling that the shit was about to hit the proverbial fan. And the less uneasy feeling that that was exactly what needed happen.  
  
* * *  
  
Buffy sighed. "I'm not saying that Cordelia's the devil you guys—though I admit it seemed like that in high school. It's just, there's always an ulterior motive with her. I'm sure she didn't just push me out of the way for no reason. She probably just…" Buffy trailed off. She had just said WAY too much.   
  
She expected a simultaneous "What" and Willow and Xander didn't disappoint her. The floodgates burst open.  
  
"She pushed you?" Willow asked.  
  
"When, last night?" Xander added.  
  
"Is that when she got hurt?  
  
"Did she see the demon or was she just angry and pushing you?"  
  
"So Cordy let some demon slice her open to keep it from slicing you."  
  
"Did she get in the way by accident? Was she trying to push you into the demon?"  
  
Buffy held up her hand. Miraculously, it managed to quiet her two friends down. "Okay, I'm not totally clear on this, cause it happened very fast, but I guess Cordelia saw this demon about to attack me and, god only knows why, she just knocked me down and took the hit. I don't know the reason, but I'm sure there is a reason. That's what I'm trying to tell you guys. That Cordelia Chase is never just nice or good for no reason. She always has a reason, usually one that benefits her personally."  
  
Xander looked to Willow for a minute than turned back to Buffy. "Hey, Buffster. We haven't really seen her in three years. Can any of us really know what she's 'always' like?"  
  
"Please Xander. I know you guys had the intense closet time, but I know her just as well as you. And we both know that Cordelia was a manipulative bitch in Sunnydale and she still is, despite her little random acts of kindness. She hasn't changed." Buffy's head was starting to hurt. She really wasn't looking for them to be all practical and make sense. She just wanted them to blindly agree that Buffy=good, Cordy=bad and then to drive her home.   
  
"Well," Willow ventured, "I know she wasn't the friendliest, but she could have changed."  
  
"SHE HASN'T CHANGED," Buffy shot back. "Nothing has changed. No one has changed." There was a shocked silence and Buffy realized that she had been yelling and she was getting the concerned face from her friends. She might have gone to far.  
  
Finally Willow had to ask. Something was clearly wrong here and she had had it with all weirdness that was Buffy lately. "Why is it so hard to believe that Cordy's changed?"  
  
_Now Willow's calling Cordelia Cordy Buffy thought. Whatever happened to loyalty? _  
  
"You know why Buffy," came a voice from near the door. "You know why you can't admit that people change, that I've changed." It was Cordelia.   
  
* * *  
  
From his perch on the stairs, Angel had been caught just as unaware as the Scoobies. He couldn't believe he hadn't noticed Cordelia coming in. That might have something to do with the bomb Buffy had dropped. Cordelia had gotten hurt trying to save Buffy? HE had no idea what to think about that. _What the hell is Cordy doing here? _She was supposed to be in the hospital. 

She looked like she needed to be in the hospital. He had never seen her so pale. And yet, even from the stairs, he could see that steely-eyed determinism. She had clearly heard most, if not all, that had been said about her. Oddly enough, she didn't look angry, just…Angel didn't know. She looked like she wasn't going to let this one go. Angel gulped and swallowed the shame he felt for rejoicing in the fact that he wasn't down in the lobby right now. 

* * * * * *

Cordelia hadn't come to the Hyperion with the intention of getting into it with Buffy. She had finagled her way out of the hospital and had only stopped by to let the gang know—then go home to her ghost and her bed and put this whole disastrous weekend behind her. She hadn't been able to sleep more than a few hours at the hospital and she was choosing to blame that on the unfamiliar setting and not the reoccurring flashbacks she was getting of Angel and Buffy. She would figure out what to do about them and their goddamn eternal love later.  
  
Every time she thought of the two of them together, of finding them like that, heat rushed into her cheeks and her heart started pounding. She felt so stupid. How could she have thought she and Angel had a chance? Maybe, maybe if there was no Buffy, it might have happened. But there most definitely was a Buffy and her place, as always, was in Angel's arms.   
  
At least she hadn't done anything incredibly lame, like confessing how she felt about Angel. The fact that she hadn't gotten the chance to tell him was the only thing letting her save face right now, the only thing saving her from total and utter mortification. 

So why was she here, starting shit with Buffy? Was it because she was jealous, was this about Angel? Cordelia tried hard to be honest with herself and she really didn't think that was it. It was Buffy's refusal to see her in any way different from the Cordelia Chase she was circa 1999 that was prompting this. It was her off-kilter reaction that pushed Cordelia to stop eavesdropping and speak up.   
  
And now that she was gonna open her big fat mouth, she might as well go all the way.  
  
"You know why Buffy," Cordy heard herself saying before she realized she was even talking out loud. "You know why you can't admit that people change, that I've changed."   
  
Buffy jumped and Xander and Willow's heads whipped around toward the door, where Cordelia stood. Trust the Slayer to recover quickly. She was always good under pressure.  
  
"I don't know what you are talking about," Buffy said.   
  
Cordelia accepted the fact that this problem wasn't going to just go away. This needed to be dealt with, and hadn't she always prided herself on her ability to cut through the bullshit?   
  
"How can you say people can't change, that they don't change? Buffy, look at Wesley. And Willow—tell me that whole gayness thing isn't a teeny bit of a change from our days in high school. Hell, even Xander is less of a retard now." Xander smiled inanely at that last part, then frowned, unsure if he had just been complimented or insulted.  
  
"Don't talk about Xander like that," Buffy shot back. Xander frowned more—judging from Buffy's reaction, Cordelia HAD insulted him.  
  
Cordelia would not be deterred. "Don't try to change the subject. What about Angel, Buffy? He's changed. You know that. Everyone here can see that—it's what makes working with him and knowing him so rewarding." Cordy sighed and stepped closer to the group. "But then, of course Angel's changed. That's part of the reason you're so scared."  
  
"I'm not scared of anything," Buffy said, hoping that she didn't sound like a petulant child.  
  
"You're scared to death that he's changed. You're scared that those changes might mean the end of the Angel and Buffy saga that we've all watched so faithfully all these years. And being in love with Angel is just about the only thing you have right now that you trust, that you don't doubt. Loving Angel right now is what makes you feel safe."   
  
A malicious gleam came to Buffy's eye. She had, after all, been trained to look for weakness and use it to her advantage in a battle. And she had a pretty idea what Cordelia's Achilles heel might be.   
  
"Interesting that you bring up loving Angel. Something you know all about, I'm sure."  
  
For a minute there was silence. Cordy swore she could hear everyone breathing, everyone's heart breathing. Was this what it was like for vampires, this ultra-awareness? All of the sudden she was noticing a hundred details. The way Willow tilted her head and bit one side of her bottom lip when she was puzzled. The fact that Xander compulsively cracked his knuckles when he was tense. The appearance of Spike from the doorway to the basement.  
  
Buffy went in for the kill. "Admit it Cordelia. You want Angel so bad it hurts. That's why you are here today, picking a fight with me. Because you are jealous about what you saw last night. You've always wanted everything I had. Dating Xander, keeping in touch with Willow—god, your little Christmas cards were so pathetic. Then you come to LA and turn yourself into Angel's little gal Friday? When are you going to realize that no matter how you worm your way into peoples lives, you will never BE me."   
  
"Thank GOD."   
  
Buffy did a little "Pfft" sound of her own. "Are you going to stand there and deny that you are trying to steal my boyfriend? Well, Cordelia, are you?"  
  
* * *  
  
Angel went completely still as he waited for Cordelia to answer Buffy's question. As seconds seemed to slow to milli-seconds, he nervously glimpsed over at his fellow eavesdropper, Lorne, who offered a quirky half-smile and nothing more. 

So very much was riding on how Cordelia answered this question. He knew he shouldn't expect her to make some grand proclamation of love in front of Buffy and her friends. _But dammit, I need to know how she feels. _  
  
* * *  
  
_Buffy wants me to deny trying to steal her boyfriend, _Cordy thought. _Done. _"Am I trying to steal Angel away from you? Absolutely not," Cordy answered, unaware that on the stairs a vampire's heart had just been broken.  
  
Willow bit her lip to hold down the urge to argue with what Cordy had said. Buffy wasn't quite so controlled.  
  
"Yeah, right," she said. "Like you aren't in love with Angel."  
  
Cordelia realized she needed to clarify. "I'm denying that I'm trying to steal your boyfriend Buffy, because Angel's not your boyfriend. But, yes," Cordelia went on, realizing she'd rather admit the truth than join Buffy on the train to Denial-ville, "you're right. I'm totally head over heels in love with him." She waited a second for Willow to gasp and Xander's jaw to drop. She wasn't disappointed, although Willow didn't look quite as surprised as Cordy would have predicted. _Wow, letting that out really wasn't that hard. But of course, it's not like telling Angel. Which I clearly won't be doing anytime in the near future. But who really cares if the Scoobies know? They're leaving soon. As long as no one who matters finds out, it's fine. Hey, it's almost therapeutic. _"I admit that because, while I may be the tactless manipulative bitch that you think I am, unlike you, I'm not a liar."  
  
"I AM NOT A LIAR," Buffy shouted, as if Cordelia had just accused her of eating babies for breakfast or something equally horrid.  
  
Feeling much calmer and confident now that she was starting to see the effect she was having on the Slayer, Cordelia went on in a soft quiet voice. "Oh really? I'm guessing you've been lying to yourself for quite a while now. You tell yourself that you've got everything under control, you tell yourself that what you're doing to Spike is okay because he's a vampire—"  
  
"What's she doing to Spike?," Xander asked. Everyone ignored him.  
  
"You tell yourself that you're still in love with Angel, that you haven't changed at all."  
  
"I haven't," Buffy said firmly.  
  
"Of course you have. Jesus, Buffy, it's not a bad thing. We're supposed to change, to grow up. It's okay that you're not the same girl that you were when you first came to Sunnydale. It's okay that you have different needs and desires than you did when you were 16. It's even okay if those needs and desires include Spike."  
  
Buffy looked nervously at her two friends, who were currently staring at her with confused expressions on their faces. "I, I don't know what you are talking about. YOU don't know what you are talking about."  
  
_Wanna bet?_ "Oh, I think I do. I know what it's like to change. I know what it's like to feel guilty for wanting someone. I know what it's like to realize I want someone I would have once been repelled by, someone off limits." Cordy wondered if maybe she was sharing a little too much here.  
  
Buffy smirked. "Gee golly gosh Cordelia, have you told Angel about the big crush?"  
  
Cordelia shrugged. "No, and honestly I probably never will. I understand the realities of that situation. I know my chances of getting what I want. But Buffy, at least I am woman enough to admit what I want. You won't even do that—and you KNOW how Spike feels about you. Unlike me, you have a chance of getting what you want. And what do you do? You throw that chance away, over and over and over again. Spike, you know he—"  
  
"Shut up," Buffy said, between clenched teeth. She started to walk over to Cordelia.  
  
_Oh no, this isn't done yet. _"Love doesn't always have to be tragic and painful. You and Spike, it could work. You could be happy and…." Cordelia didn't finish the sentence. Buffy stood only inches in front of her and it was a little intimidating.   
  
"SHUT UP!!!" Even Buffy looked a little surprised when that came out as a scream.   
  
* * *  
  
Angel handed the baby to Lorne. In the past three minutes, he figured he had just been through every human emotion known to man. At first, when he thought Cordelia was denying that she felt anything beyond friendship for him, it was like the world was ending. And then…..She had said it. Cordelia had gone and told Buffy that she was in love with him. And to be honest, Angel almost blacked out.  
  
It was such an overwhelming admission, one he had prayed for and yet, realistically, never expected. He had never been hit by a train before, but he imagined it feeling somewhat similar.   
  
It had taken a few moments to realize that downstairs, Buffy and Cordy were still talking. As Cordy continued to push Buffy's buttons, a small tiny prick of fear rose up in him. Buffy was sworn to protect humans, but at the same time, there was nothing stopping her from hurting them. _Plus Cordy isn't entirely human now so Buffy might think knocking her around is okay. _  
  
Now, seeing his ex yelling, Angel decided he might have to do something. He wouldn't let Cordelia be hurt.  
  
* * *  
  
When Buffy yelled, Cordy couldn't help but flinch a little, and she hated herself for it. The first rule of Queen-C-hood was: Never let them see you sweat, never show fear. _Well, when the Chosen One loses her temper and you're the one she's pissed at, it's a little hard not to sweat. Oh well, too late to turn back now._   
  
"You consistently use him Buffy, you know you do, and then you throw his love for you in his face. While he just stands there and takes it." Looking over Buffy shoulder, Cordy's eyes met Spikes and she silently apologized for making his business so very public.   
  
"Damn it Cordelia, I swear to God, if you don't shut up…Spike is a monster."  
  
Cordelia took a deep breath and looked her in the face. "So is Angel."   
  
She would have said more but her thought process was somewhat distracted by Buffy's hand reaching out and arching toward her face. She braced herself for the blow and opened her eyes when it never came. Spike stood in front of her now, his hand gripped around Buffy's still raised arm.   
  
Before she could blink Spike was yanking Buffy away. But he wasn't keeping her silent. "Don't you dare compare Spike to Angel. Spike is disgusting. He's a bloodsucker. He's a killer Cordy, just like he always was."   
  
Cordelia briefly wondered if Buffy knew she was crying. "Tell yourself that," Cordy simply said.  
  
"I tell myself that because it's true. Wanting him, it's sick and it's twisted and gross and wrong," Buffy said.  
  
Spike had let her go once he realized that she posed no danger to Cordelia. Buffy, sobbing now, sank down onto the couch. Oddly, none of the Sunnydale crew moved to comfort her.   
  
"He loves you," Cordy stated quietly.  
  
Buffy pulled her head up out of her hands, her wet, tear-ravaged eyes looking right at Cordelia. "Spike doesn't know what love is. Only one man has ever loved me," she pronounced solemnly, clearly meaning Angel.   
  
"Well, there was Riley," Xander admitted.  
  
"And Xander, don't forget Xander," Willow added, unable to help herself.  
  
"Hey," Xander scowled at his best friend.   
  
Cordelia sent a withering glance her ex-boyfriend's way. "Look, Buffy, I know you and Angel had the tragic endless love to end all loves. I am in no way trying to diminish that." _Okay, maybe I am, just a little. After all, I'm only human. Mostly human. _"I know the story, how Angel left because he thought it would be best for you and how leaving almost killed him. I'd just like to point out that Spike, he never left Buffy. He stays with you and LETS you kill him. But he stays. If that's not love…."  
  
Buffy looked over at Spike, realizing for the first time that he was in the room. In the silence that followed, everyone seemed to be taking a moment to recover and get their bearings back.   
  
Suddenly, Cordy had that feeling. Lately she had been getting much better at sensing when everyone's favorite vampire with a soul was nearby. She had really been liking the fact that he wasn't able to sneak up on her anymore. But now…_Please, God, please let me be wrong. Please don't let this happen. _

She sucked up her courage and gave the room a good scan. There he was, standing halfway up the stairs, with Lorne right next to him bouncing Connor. Judging by the expression on Angel's face, he had heard a lot. For a brief moment their eyes met and Cordelia tried to figure just how much he had overheard. He started to move forward and Cordy's hand shot up. It had the desired effect and he froze in his descent.  
  
Cordelia couldn't deal with this. Not now. Not ever probably. "I, um, the cab's waiting for me." _Need to leave. So need to get out of here. _"I just stopped by, I never meant to…I just stopped by to tell you I was released from the hospital. Gonna go now." _Lord I sound ridiculous. _"I need to get home…let Dennis know I'm okay, so anyway, I'll…. I need to go." _There's no shame in running away. Okay, there's loads of shame, but shame can just kiss my ass right now. _She was out the door before anyone could respond.

TBC

Feedback?


	14. Face the Music

**Hey Everyone! Thanks for all the feedback on Chapter 13. It's so cool how many people realized where the title "Spanking Inner Moppets" came from!**

**Face the Music**

Buffy felt like she was waking up from a dream. Not a normal dream prophesizing apocalypses or about being naked in public, but a far more confusing, and yes, terrifying dream. _How did a simple fight with Cordelia get so far out of control? My god, I almost HIT her. What's wrong with me? _  
  
She looked up to see Angel slowly coming downstairs with his demon friend Lorne. She couldn't tell what he was thinking. But then, he had been pretty hard to read ever since she got to LA.   
  
The group stood in an misshapen circle, staring at each other. No one spoke for minutes. No one knew what to say. Finally Xander's tendency to yammer kicked in.  
  
"So, uncomfortable silence, that's always fun. Almost the theme for this weekend you could say." Willow made a face and Xander shut up, looking down at his shoes. He decided he might just stay that way until they headed back home. They probably would have resumed the silence had Gunn and Fred not burst in right then.  
  
"Why did Barbie just run out into a cab without saying anything to us? And anyone care to explain why she was crying?" Gunn asked threateningly. He turned to Xander, saying, "What did you do?"  
  
Xander raised both hands to chest level as if to ward Gunn off and backed up a couple of steps. "Wait a second, Barbie?"  
  
Fred sighed, before explaining, "Cordelia. He means Cordelia."  
  
"Yeah, I figured that," Xander said. "But why Barbie?"  
  
Buffy felt like she was losing her mind. _Yeah right, I probably lost my mind a long time ago. This is just me hitting the bottom of the craziness barrel. Next I'll be walking down the street talking to myself and calling squirrels my babies. _This was just too much. First that whole scene with Cordelia, then everyone finding out about her and Spike, and know, what were they doing, discussing Gunn's pet names? 

This was insane and Buffy had totally lost control and Angel was shooting her looks that didn't exactly look like they were filled with true love and THIS WAS ALL CORDELIA'S FAULT. With her butting in tonight and her stupidly saving Buffy last night and with those looks she made Angel give her. Yes, it was clearly Cordelia's fault. All of it.  
  
"Cordelia as Barbie?" Buffy said, snorting. "Oh that's just too perfect. They're both plastic and empty-headed and are only popular because of their breast size." Even as the words came out of her mouth, Buffy realized just how venomous and immature she sounded. _It's not even like I really think that. Maybe no one noticed. _  
  
"Buffy!?!" Willow chided. No one else said anything right away but Gunn took a step forward and Buffy swore she thought Angel growled. Xander gave her a look that looked a lot like pity.  
  
"That's just about enough Slayer," she heard Spike say. _Slayer? What happened to Buffy? _She felt dizzy, so she sat down on the round couch. Finally Xander moved to sit next to her, careful to distance himself a couple of inches. Like he didn't want to have her accidentally touch him or something. Like she disgusted him.  
  
"Buffy," Xander said, "those things you said, the things you were saying, they were, I mean, how could—"  
  
"You were mean," Willow said, coming to stand in front of her friend. "You were unbelievably cruel, especially considering the circumstances."  
  
"You guys," Buffy wearily tried to defend herself. "I wasn't fighting alone. Did you hear what she was saying to me? About me?"   
  
Willow sat down on her other side. "They were true, though, weren't they," she asked, not looking at Buffy. "You and Spike."  
  
Buffy swallowed and nodded. The truth was out now, might as well not bother with denying it. Will and Xander would just have to accept it. And Angel. _Oh my God, Angel! I can't believe he had to find out this way. I never wanted to hurt him like this. _She looked up at her one time lover with tears in her eyes. "I, Angel, the thing with Spike, it…."  
  
She didn't finish her sentence and Angel didn't mind because he definitely had something of his own to say. He couldn't believe how the girl he had once loved, the WOMAN a part of him would always love, was acting like this.   
  
"I could really care less about you and Spike right now. How can you think, let alone SAY that stuff about Cordy?" Angel tried to calm down but he couldn't get a handle on the anger, no, the rage he was feeling. "When she, last night she was bleeding, bled because apparently, she was trying to SAVE you. Something by the way, you only decided to mention NOW."  
  
Angel's words stung and Buffy felt herself freeze. Her eyes hardened. So much for loyalty. She channeled the hurt and the guilt into something she could better deal with. Anger.  
  
"Oh please Angel," Buffy said, standing and starting to pace around the room. "Yes, she got hurt and yes, she might have been trying to keep me from getting hurt at the time. But it's not like she did it for me, it's not from any abiding concern for me. She only did it for YOU."  
  
"What!" came from the room at large.  
  
Buffy walked over to Angel, putting her hand on her hip. "She said you couldn't deal, you wouldn't be okay if I died again. She only did it so you wouldn't fall apart and head off to some wacky Tibetan monastery again." 

The "star-crossed lovers" stared at each other in silence.  
  
"Nevertheless luv, did you thank her?" Spike said from behind her. Buffy whirled around to face him as he continued. "She kept you from getting hurt last night. Who knows, she may have even saved your life. And you know, she tried again to help you today."  
  
"I can't believe you all fell for her little intervention act," Buffy said grimly. "I don't NEED Cordelia's help. I don't need ANY help."  
  
For the second time tonight, someone's presence in the doorway surprised them. "You're wrong you know. You need help," Dawn said.  
  
The sight of her sister had Buffy visibly sagging as she felt her anger deflating. All that was left in her was fear and a disturbing feeling that she had really screwed up. But she wasn't entirely ready to admit that to the group just yet.  
  
"Dawn, I…." Buffy didn't know what to say.  
  
"You need help and you have people lining up to give it to you and you just keep pushing them away. You know things haven't been right, haven't felt right for you, ever since you came back so why can't you just SAY it." Dawn walked over and grabbed both of her older sister's hands. "You spend your life saving people, helping them."  
  
"Why can't you let someone rescue you?" Spike said, putting a reassuring hand on Dawn's back.  
  
Buffy closed her eyes then opened them. "I don't need you to save me," she said firmly, staring at Spike. "I don't need YOU. I don't want to need you." This time Buffy realized that she was crying and immediately after that she realized she didn't care. "I just want it to be simple, like it used to be. When everyone was around and we were all normal and happy."  
  
This time it was Xander who snorted. "Oh, that time when we were all normal and happy? SO was that the year that a fraternity tried to sacrifice you to the demon god they worshipped or was it the year that the spirit of dead Native Americans infected me with syphilis?"  
  
"It was never simple Buf," Willow agreed. "You know it wasn't. It's never been easy. You and Angel—well that's never been the most pain-free relationship." Willow smiled apologetically at Angel, who simply nodded his agreement. "And there have always been those pesky apocalypse prophecies. Ohh, and a big bad, always have one of those."  
  
"Then, why…now…how come I…" Buffy stammered.  
  
Angel came up behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders. "Because you have more responsibilities. Life's more complicated. And dying is a pretty big reminder that you're not invincible. That's all pretty hard to deal with. That's why you have people who love you—they're supposed to help you deal. You have to bend Buffy. You have to bend with change, or you'll break."  
  
Buffy's quiet tears turned into loud heart wrenching sobs and she turned, burying her face into Angel's chest. His arms came up around her and the others took that as their cue to go upstairs. For once no one even bothered with the making of flimsy excuses. Spike shared a brutal look with his grand-sire and headed down to the basement.   
  
Angel wasn't sure how long Buffy cried for, but he did know that at one point he eased them onto the couch. He made sure to keep one arm around her.  
  
"It's okay," he whispered in her ear. "Just let it out. I've got you." The sobs were softer and quieter now.  
  
Buffy sniffled and sat back a few inches. "You sound like you've done the comforting thing a lot lately. You're pretty good at dealing with the crying," she said, wiping her nose on her shirt sleeve.  
  
"Well, between Cordy's pre-demonization vision pain and Connor being a normal infant, I'm sort of an expert."  
  
A laugh slipped out of Buffy and she looked just as shocked as Angel. "Everybody's right you know," she said, smiling ruefully. "You, Dawn, and God strike me down, even Cordelia. You're right. Right about everything. I've been scared and off and not willing to share any of that with anyone and I've hurt people and I came here for pretty much ALL the wrong reasons and I dumped all my craziness on you."  
  
"It's okay," Angel said. "You wanted a break."  
  
Buffy shook her head. "No you can say it. I was running away. Spike, he was the only one making me feel, and what I was feeling…well, I was…"  
  
"You were scared."  
  
Buffy hesitated before nodding. _God I hate admitting that. _"Yes. I was scared of how I felt for him. The fact that I could feel that way about someone like him."  
  
"Hey," Angel said, laying a hand on her upper arm. "I think you and I both know, better than pretty much everyone, that you can't choose who you love."  
  
Buffy laughed. She couldn't believe how much lighter she felt. "Oh I think Xander and Cordy know all about that one too." She took a deep breath. "God, I can't believe I dragged everyone here just because I was having crushy feelings for Spike."  
  
Angel looked solemnly into her eyes. "In the words of a very wise person, love makes you do the wacky." They both burst out laughing.  
  
"That seems like so long ago," Buffy said when she had caught her breath.  
  
"It was. You were so young…"  
  
"And you had that whole dark mysterious thing going," Buffy agreed. She gave him a sad smile. "What we had, it's, I mean, it's over, isn't it?"  
  
Angel turned her so they were looking directly at each other. "It will never be over. I'll always be there for you."  
  
"But I won't be your girl, will I?"  
  
"No," Angel said softly. "Because you're not that girl anymore. You've gotten older and wiser. Which is a good thing. You've matured."  
  
"I'm not the only one."  
  
Angel grinned, almost embarrassed. "Yeah, I like to think after 250 years I'm finally growing as a person."  
  
Buffy suddenly stood up. She reached for his hand and pulled him off the couch as well.  
  
"I'll always love you too you know. And I'll always be there for you. That's why…." This wasn't going to be fun. But it had to be done. "I took this," she told him, pulling the picture she had stolen out of her pocket and handing it to him. "Yes, I'm little Miss Snoopy Pants. I'm sorry. I don't know why I took it. I guess, something I saw in that picture, it scared me." She watched as Angel traced a finger over the smiles on the paper. "Scared the hell out of me," she murmured.   
  
"Why?" Angel asked.  
  
"It was a picture of something I didn't want to believe existed. Look at how you're looking at her and how she's looking back at you. It's a picture of a family, Angel."  
  
Angel sighed and put the picture down. "Buffy, Cordy and I, we're not—"  
  
"Save it," the Slayer said. "I'm not foolish enough to believe you didn't hear her today, when she said that she was in love with you. Oh wait, I believe her exact words were 'totally head over heels in love.' And I'm not blind enough to miss how you look at her. When she laughs. When she's hurt. When she's holding your son. You love her. You are in love with her."  
  
Angel didn't bother saying she was wrong. "It's not that simple."  
  
She laughed harshly. "Yes, actually, it is. Cordy was right—and oh sweet lord it is still hurting to say that. But she was right when she said that love doesn't have to be tragic and painful. Sometimes it can be very simple." She rose up and kissed her first love on the cheek. "Go to her."  
  
"What, what would I say?" Angel asked, apparently unaware how weird it was to be asking Buffy's advice on this particular dilemma.   
  
"That's pretty simple too. You say 'Cordelia, like it or not, this is how I feel. I want to be with you. In spite of all the obstacles, hell, BECAUSE of all the obstacles, I want to be with you'. That should do it." 

It still hurt to say it. Even admitting her feelings for Spike wouldn't change that. A small part of her would always mourn the loss of Angel…to Cordelia.  
  
"You've become a very smart woman Buffy Summers," Angel said. He brushed a finger down her cheek and walked toward the door. He opened it, but then he turned back around. "And you know, the thing about smart women Buf, is that they know when to take some of their own advice. Go find him."   
  
Buffy waved and Angel closed the door behind him. She stood there for a minute, debating. Then she headed for the door to the basement. 

TBC….


	15. Confusion and Clarity

**I've said it before and I'll say it again: Thank you so much to everyone who left feedback – you have no idea of the difference it makes.  And thanks to everyone still reading this story for waiting so patiently to get to "the good stuff".  Quick warning: This chapter is super-long and potentially a little confusing!**

**Confusion and Clarity**

Cordelia sat on her couch and wondered why she couldn't stop shaking. Dennis knew she was upset, although she hadn't said a word, other than the occasional "Oh God Oh God" since she came home. He had floated everything but the kitchen sink over to her, trying to offer any comfort he could. Ice cream, a blanket, hot tea, Kleenex, and for some reason, her loofah. She didn't want any of it. Nothing would make her feel better. Nothing could fix this.   
  
_Why did I pick that fight with Buffy? In front of everybody. Wow Cordy, if you were trying to get them all to forget what a bitch you were, acting like that was clearly the way to go. _It was just, when she had walked in the door, the door to the place where SHE worked with HER friends – it was hearing all that bad stuff being said about her on her turf, where she felt safe.  
  
And it wasn't even that Buffy seemed to hate her. She hadn't lied to Angel – she did care what the Scoobies thought of her, but that wasn't what made her lose her cool. It was thinking about the people of Angel Investigations overhearing. Fred, Gunn, Wes, Angel, even Lorne – what if they had listened to the Scoobies and started to agree with them? This was the first time in her life she had friends who simply liked her, for no reason at all. She didn't want them looking at her the way the Scoobies did.  
  
Of course, it wasn't the overheard slander that had her shaking on her couch, Cordy acknowledged. Angel had heard that last bit, the part about how Spike had stayed while Angel had left. _What else had he heard? Where was he when Buffy and I were fighting? _If he knew, if he had been listening when she had foolishly blurted out her feelings for him, Cordy didn't know what would happen. Her safe, cozy little world would come crashing down around her. Angel would probably freak. The man she loved was a dork at heart. He wouldn't deal with her unrequited love well. It's going to get weird. She was going to lose everything. Snuggles with Connor and Angel at bedtime. The smiles he slipped that seemed just for her. The casual touching. _Oh God, I won't be able to touch him anymore. _Cordy would miss that the most. The way she was allowed to lay a hand on his shoulder or run a hand down his arm. The way she wasn't allowed to touch his hair but how she did anyway, just to piss him off. The way that, lately, she had been finding reasons to lean on him. They would be watching a movie on the couch or standing in line at Baby Gap and she would just lean her head onto his shoulder or chest. And sometimes she would turn her face so her nose touched his shirt and just breath him in. And how, rarely, but ever so often, he would bring his hand up lightly to her waist. Making everything perfect.  
  
But those privileges would be gone. Angel would get all paranoid about what each touch meant. Worry that he was leading her on. It would be awful. Junior high all over again.  
  
_Maybe he didn't hear. Maybe he was sleeping and he woke up and came down right away and just heard that last part. Yeah, that, that wouldn't be so awful. Sure he heard me basically tell Buffy that Spike loved her more than Angel ever had, but that wasn't SO bad. Not as bad as him possibly hearing me confess my love for him to his ex-girlfriend and her cronies._   
  
Cordy decided she would just stay away for a couple of days. The Sunnydale crew would be gone by tomorrow. She could call in sick and avoid having to listen to their phony goodbyes. Maybe she could pretend to be really sick and stay home for the entire week. _Maybe after a week, that whole I'm-in-love-with-Angel thing will just go away. And that icky yearning feeling in the pit of my stomach, that will disappear. And everything will just go back to normal, to the way it was. The way it will always be…_   
  
Cordelia wasn't sure that was possible. Could she stop thinking about Angel that way? Go back to a time when he wasn't even a romantic consideration. When he only looked at her as something he put up with, for the sake of the mission. Before she had started to care so very much.  
  
"Dennis," she said in a wobbly voice. "I think I might be ready for that ice cream now."  
  
"Cherry Garcia or mint chocolate chip," came a voice from the door.  
  
She turned her head. It was him. Angel stood just inside her apartment holding two pints of ice cream. She hated that he knew her so well. That she had let him know her so well. Once you let them in, you give them license to hurt you. Her father had told her that.  
  
"There is this custom we half-demons have, it's called knocking, maybe you've heard of it," Cordy said, trying to sound as normal as possible. _I'll just ignore the fact that I know he can see all the tear-streaks on my face. Hell, he can probably smell them. Stupid vampire._   
  
"I did. You must not have heard me. Dennis let me in," Angel said as he walked into the kitchen as if he owned the place. _What's his problem? Who does he think he is, coming over here and bringing me ice cream, knowing I always need it when I do the breakdown thing? Oh I know. This is gonna be just like with the firing. He comes bearing gifts, we both agree we're still friends, and we just pretend it all never happened. _  
  
Wiping at her eyes and sniffling, Cordelia hauled her aching body off the couch and walked into the kitchen. Angel was spooning the Mint Chocolate Chip into a bowl. _Ha! Guess he doesn't know me that well! _Before she could point out his mistake, Angel spoke.  
  
"I know, when you're sad you like to eat it straight out of the container, but I'm sorry, that just goes against everything I believe in," he said, without turning around to look at her. He put the ice cream into the freezer than turned around. "Hey, you just got out of the hospital, you need to stay off your feet." He pushed her into the chair and placed the bowl of ice cream in front of her. _Oh my god. He's "handling" me. I'm letting myself be handled. _Cordelia was confused and tired and at a loss for what to do. So she picked up the spoon and ate, while a vampire with a soul sat down at the table across from her and watched.  
  
* * *  
  
Angel wasn't exactly sure how to proceed. He had known what to expect before he came over here –that's why he stopped for ice cream. The confrontation with Buffy, seeing that kiss last night, plus the ordeal of being ripped open by a demon. He knew it would leave Cordy tired and hurting and vulnerable. She hated feeling vulnerable.  
  
So he brought ice cream.   
  
When he walked out of the door of the Hyperion, he hadn't had much of a plan. Nothing beyond telling Cordy that he loved her. He had practically flown out of the hotel, he was that eager to see her (and he was lucky the sun had been setting—he hadn't even bothered to check). On the way over to her apartment, he realized it wasn't that simple. There was more to say than "I love you." There was explaining what happened the night before with Buffy. There was the curse. There was the fact that she had jumped in front of a demon to save his ex-girlfriend and seemingly thought he would have no problem with that. It wasn't going to be easy. _But this is worth fighting for. _  
  
The weird part was that he wasn't used to being the aggressor in these situations. Usually it was him hurting and her stepping in and making him feel better. In the end, he decided to copy a move from her playbook. Which is why he brought the ice cream. He was using her patented "sweep in, take charge and get them talking before they realize what's happening move". He needed to get her to talk to him. Never had two people so desperately needed to talk.  
  
But it was hard, now, seeing her upset and not sweeping her into his arms and holding her the way his body screamed to. To smell her tears and not try to kiss them away.  
  
He couldn't do that, not yet, but he couldn't seem to figure out how to start the talking either. So he just watched her. Her little perplexed face as she stared at him and at the bowl of ice cream. The way her nose wrinkled, how she finally picked up the spoon and got a scoop, how she brought it up to mouth level and just sighed, how she finally ate it, sighed again, then put the spoon down. Then she would start the process all over again, starting with the bowl stare. She did it four times. She didn't look at him once. She didn't say anything. But he couldn't seem to either. So he just kept watching her.   
  
Finally she put the spoon in the bowl and pushed it away from her.  
  
"This isn't working," Cordy said, watching her nails as they tapped at the edge of the table.  
  
Angel flinched. _Not working? We haven't even started yet, how can we already not be working? _His level of confusion must have shown on his face, because she hurried to clarify.  
  
"The ice cream," she said, pointing to the half full bowl. "It isn't working. I'm not feeling any better."  
  
"Did I get the wrong kind?" Angel asked, frowning. He was sure he knew what she liked.  
  
"No, it's not that. It's not the flavor that makes me feel better. It's the part where I put on my sweats and curl up on the couch with a carton and a spoon and listen to Sarah McLaughlin and eat until I need to puke. And I can't do that. Not with YOU here," Cordy huffed.  
  
"But we're friends." _Best friends. _"You can do anything in front of me."  
  
"Trust me," Cordelia said. "You wouldn't BE my friend if you saw the way I inhale ice cream when I'm by myself."  
  
Angel guessed that now was not the time to tell her that he had seen her before. How on one of those nights earlier in the year, when he used to come over in the middle of the night and watch her, when he was worried about the visions getting worse…he had seen Cordelia with the ice cream. She had put away a pint of Cookies and Cream at three in the morning, watching "An Affair to Remember" between her tears. _And I thought Angelus was a messy eater. _  
  
Instead he reached across the table and touched the top of one of her hands. "I'll always be your friend, no matter what I see." She smiled and for the first time that night, she didn't seem so distant.  
  
"And no matter what I hear," he added. She yanked her hand away and her eyes shot open in what looked a lot like fear. Angel figured that worked as an ice-breaker. _All right. Now it's time._   
  
* * *  
  
"Cordy, we need to talk," he began. First they would deal with what happened in the park. Because, while Angel was happy, hell, practically perfectly happy, about her confession of love for him, he was also more than a little angry.   
  
Immediately, she was out of her chair, interrupting him. "Fine. You're right. I know you heard…what you heard." _Oh my god, he heard. He heard me say I loved him. Why did he have to hear? _"So lets just …not make a big deal about this. It's nothing." _Yeah, my falling in love with a blood-sucking UV-allergic vampire and him not even having the courtesy to love me back, that's nothing. _  
  
_Nothing? She thinks the fact that I stood in a hospital waiting for her to wake up, waiting for hours for her to open her eyes, that's nothing. I can't believe she didn't tell me about how she got hurt.  _He kept remembering what she had said in the hospital, when he had asked her what happened. "It's not the first time I've gotten in the way of a big slimy demon." She had been so blasé. As if her life was something to be trifled with. Something she would sacrifice for Buffy.  
  
"Nothing? How COULD you not tell me this right away?" Angel winced when he heard how loudly he was talking.  
  
Cordy wondered how she should have told him right away. What, she was supposed to have realized she was in love with him, run downstairs and said "Hey, sorry about the winter weight comment, by the way, I want to spend the rest of my life with you." _Okay, maybe I could have told him a little sooner. But I didn't even tell myself until yesterday. So really, this WAS done in a pretty timely manner. He really shouldn't be complaining._   
  
"Angel, I'm sorry I didn't tell you right away. I guess I felt a little uncomfortable," she said as she paced around the kitchen table.  
  
"If you felt so uncomfortable, why did you do a thing like this in the first place?" Angel shot back. Why was she fearless when it came to risking her life to save Buffy and then afraid to tell him about it?  
  
_Why did I fall in love with him in the first place? _"Excuse me?" Cordy said, "HELLO, it's not like I planned this." _Yeah, like I wanted to fall for a poor single father who can't have sex. That was my goal from the get-go. _"I didn't really have a lot of choice in the matter."  
  
Angel felt like steam was coming from his ears. However much he loved her, this woman was still completely infuriating. _She didn't have a choice? Seems to me she could have CHOSEN to not jump into the path of a demon who was perfectly willing to tear her apart. _"No choice Cordelia," Angel said. "I don't buy that. This was a conscious decision, a stupid crazy decision."  
  
_So the idea of me and him is stupid and crazy? Fine. _"I get it," she said, slumping into her chair across from him again. "Look, lets just pretend you don't know. I'm sure we can both get over this."   
  
"It will take you weeks before you are back to normal," Angel noted grimly. The doctor said it had taken 20 stitches. He began to grind his teeth, thinking how small she had looked in that hospital bed.   
  
_Weeks? I fall in love, really in love, for the first time in my life and he thinks I should be over it in a few weeks? _Cordelia didn't know what to say that.   
  
"I can't believe how stupid you were." Apparently Angel did know what to say.  
  
Cordy took a deep breath. _Stupid. My feelings are stupid. My loving him is stupid. And this is my best friend talking. _"I am not going to apologize for the way I feel."   
  
"You had no reason to feel that way," Angel said. This time, he got up and started pacing. He really didn't know why Cordy had tried so desperately to keep Buffy from getting hurt. _Does she honestly think that her life is less important than Buffy's? That her dying wouldn't hurt me, wouldn't break me?_   
  
For a minute, for Cordy, it was like an echo in the room. She kept hearing Angel telling her "you had no reason to feel that way," over and over again. Telling her she had no reason to think he could ever feel that way, about her.  
  
"I was wrong," she mumbled in a small quiet voice.  
  
"You were very wrong," Angel said, his back turned to her.   
  
"I guess that I mis-read certain…signs," Cordy told his back. "I thought you…" _I thought you might learn to love me back just a little. _  
  
"I don't see how you ever thought I would be okay with this." Angel didn't understand how Cordy couldn't know what losing her would do to him.  
  
"Angel, I'm sorry." Cordy was starting to get a little ticked off. She got the part where he didn't feel the same way about her. But he seemed WAY more angry than the situation warranted.   
  
"Sure you're sorry, now, when your stupid crazy decisions have gotten you hurt."  
  
Maybe it was because that was the third time he called her stupid. Maybe it was the fact that he seemed to be telling her that her broken heart was all her fault. Or maybe she was PMS-ing. For whatever reason, the dam broke.  
  
"Listen," she practically yelled, flying out of her chair, spinning him around to face her, and then shoving him into the refrigerator. "I refuse to accept all the blame here buddy. You played along. You encouraged…with all the…touching. And the kissing." _Okay, we were possessed at the time of the kissing, but still….._   
  
_So she sees me kiss Buffy once and thinks that I would die if I lost her? _Angel saw more than a few flaws in Cordelia's logic. "Geez Cor—"  
  
"And it's not just that. It's all the time together. All these almost-moments that keep happening." _I know I wasn't imagining those moments. When we're training. In bed with Connor. Yesterday, on the couch. Last night at Caritas…before he decided to suck face with Buffy._   
  
Angel squirmed against the fridge. He had fallen in love with a crazy person. All the time together? He had seen Buffy maybe five times in three years. "We've hardly spent any time together," he told the beautiful but insane woman who had him pinned. "Not the important kind of time." _Not like the time you and I have._   
  
Right around the time she heard his remark about important time, Cordelia lost it.  
  
"Ahhhhhhhhhhh," she screamed into his face. She grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him, saying, "How can you say you and I don't spend important time together?" She let go of him and spun around, walking over to the table. "How can you say that we haven't been having a whole helluva lot of very out-of-the-ordinary, non-platonic, ALWAYS INTERRUPTED moments." She kicked a chair for impact and it went skittering into the stove.  
  
Angel was very very confused. Because he had been kidding before, about her being crazy. But now she really was acting crazy. She wasn't making any sense.  
  
"Um, Cordy," he said, as calmly as possible. "What are you talking about?"  
  
_What am I talking about? What does the idiot think I'm talking about? What have we just spent the last ten minutes talking about? _He hadn't moved from the place she had assigned him against the refrigerator and now she stalked back over to him.   
  
"I'm TALKING about how you heard me tell them how I was in love with you. How you come here and act like it was ridiculous for me to think you could even LIKE me like that. Like that's me, CRAZY CORDY." She jabbed him in the heart with her index finger. "I'm TALKING about how you should be letting me down gently before you ride off into the sunset with Buffy and instead, you came over all yelling and mean. HELLO, I'm wounded. You are being MEAN to the walking wounded here." And with that, she went back to the chair, sat down, and laid her head down on the table.  
  
Angel sighed. Somehow they had been talking for fifteen minutes and hadn't managed to actually SAY a word to each other. _It's like, whenever we finally don't have any obstacles, we manage to create new ones. _This was progress though. She had admitted she was in love with him. He had been worried he would have to drag it out of her.   
  
Suddenly, the tiredness and frustration started to fade away. _Cordy loves me. _There hadn't really been time for that to sink in. But it was true. She'd said it twice now. She loved him.  
  
He walked over to her and sat back down too. "I know you're wounded," he said in a quiet voice. "I found out you got hurt trying to save Buffy. That's what I've been talking about this whole time. How you pushed Buffy and let that demon slice you open."  
  
"Oh," she said into the table. "That's what you were talking about?"   
  
"Yes."  
  
"You heard that?"

"Yes."

"And the other? The thing I was talking about?"   
  
"The part about how you're in love with me."   
  
Cordelia was glad her face was buried in the table and she didn't have to watch him say that. "Yes," she mumbled.  
  
"Yeah, I caught that too."  
  
Cordy knew she needed to look up. But she couldn't. Not just yet. It was much easier having this conversation with the table.   
  
"Angel, please don't get all broody and awkward about this. This love thing, it doesn't have to change anything."  
  
Angel got sick of having to hear her voice through a block of Formica. He crouched down next to his Seer and tried to get a peek at her face. "Cordelia, I don't see how that's possible. It changes everything. And we are going to talk about that. But first, we are going to talk about the fact that you essentially were willing to trade her life for your own."  
  
Finally, she turned her head to face him, but still kept it on the table.   
  
"Ughhh, Angel! Trust me, I didn't think of it that way at the time. Geez, that makes me sound all martyr-y. Ughhhhh."  
  
"Well it doesn't make you sound good," Angel agreed. Her face was just inches from his and he wanted nothing more than to just touch her lips. With his fingers, his lips, his tongue, anything. But he couldn't. Not just yet. "How could you think that I'd want to sacrifice you for Buffy?"  
  
Cordy sat up. "Angel, I didn't think of it like that. Really. I'm no saint. I just, I guess all I did think was that I couldn't watch you lose her again. I wasn't sure you would be able to deal a second time."  
  
Confident that she was through talking into the kitchen table, Angel sat back down. "But I'd be just fine 'dealing' if I lost you?"  
  
Cordy leaned forward, looking into his eyes. "Angel, we are talking about Buffy here," she said slowly, as if she were explaining something complicated to a child.  
  
"I'm talking about you," Angel said just as slowly.  
  
"Exactly," she told him. She leaned back in the chair, pulled her legs up and cradled her knees with her arms. Somehow the fetal position was always appropriate when your heart was breaking. "I'm not…and no matter how I…" She didn't know how to explain.  
  
"You're not what? No matter how you what?" Angel wondered if he would ever understand her.  
  
"I saw you Angel. Last night. At Caritas."  
  
"Yes, you did." There was no avoiding this part. Angel knew that.   
  
"I pick a pretty good time to announce my love for you, huh?," Cordy chuckled bitterly. "Right after you get back together with the love of your life."  
  
Angel rubbed his face with both hands. "Buffy and I are not back together."  
  
"But she is the love of your life."  
  
"Yes. No. Sort of."   
  
Cordelia wrinkled her brow. "Well, which is it?" she asked.  
  
"She's the love of my, of my youth." _I would have said love of my past, but then she'd probably bring up Darla and I'd prefer to keep the majority of my exes out of this discussion. _  
  
Cordelia blinked. The love of his youth? "Angel, weren't you like 240-something when you met Buffy?"  
  
"I might as well have been 15," Angel muttered, pushing out of his chair and calling dibs on pacing around the table.  
  
"Huh?" Cordelia asked the vampire circling around her.   
  
"Cordy, you know that first time you kiss someone and feel more than lust? The first time you're near someone and realize that they make you happier and stronger and just, better? The first time you have someone worth…everything?"  
  
Cordy bit her lip. _Yeah, I was 21 and that someone was you.. _  
  
"Well," Angel continued, "All those firsts were with Buffy. And everything feels like its bigger than the world the first time. Didn't you feel that way with—"  
  
"With Xander," she exclaimed, appalled. "Are you joking?"  
  
"Well that's the way it was with Buffy. It was new and forbidden and dangerous and larger than life. All the things you want when you're young. It was what you want before you learn. Learn what real intimacy and closeness is."  
  
_Oh, now I get to listen to him talk about how real intimacy was sex and losing his soul with her? Fabulous. _Cordelia shot out of her chair. "If you're going to talk about you and Buffy and sex, I'm going to need more ice cream," she said, heading to the freezer before Angel grabbed her by her wrists. He pulled her closer to him, with her arms bent at the elbow and propped up between their two bodies.  
  
"NO," he said, shaking his head. "I'm talking about real intimacy. It's not sex. It's knowing someone without the mystery." In his head, Angel saw all the times he had watched Buffy from the shadows. Heard Spike telling them both they weren't friends, they would never be friends. "Its being there when they're in danger and, more importantly, when they're not." He pictured Cordelia watching him out of the corner of her eye as she talked to Wes. Dragging him to parties. Letting him pull out the splinter she had gotten that day they killed the Aliwri demon. "In that way, Buffy and I never were…intimate."  
  
"Look, Angel, it's great that you two have now reached new levels of intimacy and whatnot. Best of luck. Cheers. Mazel Tov."  
  
"Cordelia. We are not back together. I'm not in love with Buffy."  
  
Cordelia hmphhed. "Sure. Whatever you say. You're not in love."  
  
"I didn't say that," Angel corrected. _Oh, I'm in love, you beautiful clueless woman._   
  
"See," Cordelia whined. "Now that that's settled…" Cordelia never finished her sentence. She forgot what she was going to say when Angel lifted her up and sat her down on the table. For a minute, he just stood in front of her, swaying from side to side. He almost looked…nervous.  
  
"Cordy, I have something to give you."  
  
She couldn't help but sigh. "Angel, I really don't need a 'Sorry I don't feel the same way about you' present. It's cool. You don't have to let me down easy." _I wonder if it's clothes again. _  
  
_Clearly the two of us are in for a life sentence of getting our signals crossed _Angel thought. "Cordy—"  
  
"I've always known it couldn't happen," she interrupted. "That's why I didn't let you know. That's why I didn't let myself know." She started to kick her feet a little. "I may make fun of it, but I do understand the whole star-crossed lovers bit. You don't have to hand me a little blue box to make up for not loving me—I assume it is a little blue box, because if I was mad and you wanted to make it up to me, Tiffany's would be the way to go."  
  
"Cordy, I do love y—"  
  
"I know, I know. As a friend. And that's great. That's…enough." _That will have to be enough._   
  
Angel had had enough. "Cordelia. Shut up."  
  
Her jaw dropped open. Then it snapped shut. _I think that may be the first time she's ever listened to me. _"Can you just let me say this? Because I do have something to give you. And I'm not leaving until I do."  
  
Once she realized he was waiting for an answer, Cordy nodded. "Right. Fine." Her words belied a sense of casualness she didn't feel. _I'm scared. Why am I so scared? It's just a present. _"Watcha got for me?"  
  
"My heart," he said. Her jaw dropped again. He waited, but it didn't look like she planned on talking any time soon.  
  
"I know. It doesn't beat. It's, well, it's slightly used. But other than that, it's in perfect working order. And it's yours." Angel studied her face. She made no move to speak, but her eyes looked suspiciously damp. "Free and clear." She blinked. "It actually has been," he added. She bit her lip. "For a while now." _There. I said it. Balls in her court._   
  
Except Cordy wasn't playing ball. She didn't say a word. Long slow seconds passed until Angel was on the verge of grabbing the chopsticks she kept in the drawer on the left and staking himself.   
  
"Well," she said, sliding her hands out of his grip, hopping off the table and taking a step or two back. "I prefer merchandise that's brand new. I'm not usually interested in second-hand items." She seemed to hesitate and then a watery smile broke out on her face. "But I happen to think you and your heart would look pretty good on me."

**TBC….**

**I know, I know, I'm evil for just leaving it that way**


	16. Collision

**Last week in "Bad Timing":**  
  
_"Watcha got for me?"_   
  
_"My heart," he said. Her jaw dropped again. He waited, but it didn't look like she planned on talking any time soon._   
  
_"I know. It doesn't beat. It's, well, slightly used. But other than that, it's in perfect working order. And it's yours." Angel studied her face. She made no move to speak, but her eyes looked suspiciously damp. "Free and clear." She blinked. "It actually has been," he added. She bit her lip. "For a while now." There. I said it. Balls in her court._   
  
_Except Cordy wasn't playing. She didn't say a word. Long slow seconds passed until Angel was on the verge of grabbing the chopsticks she kept in the drawer on the left and staking himself. _  
  
_"Well," she said, sliding her hands out of his grip, hopping off the table and taking a step or two back. "I prefer merchandise that's brand new. I'm not usually interested in second-hand items." She seemed to hesitate and then a watery smile broke out on her face. "But I happen to think you and your heart would look pretty good on me."_

**And now…Chapter 16: Collision **

Cordelia knew this was the moment. She had watched a lot of movies in her young life. Having declared their mutual love, the two leads get swept up in the perfect kiss, cue music and end credits. She probably would have loved that. She should have loved that. _As usual, my timings off. _Right now, she didn't want soft and pure and romantic. She wanted Angel. Badly.  
  
She wasn't sure who grabbed who, but within seconds, her mouth was being ravaged. There was little she could do besides hang on for dear life and ravage him right back, as best she could.   
  
Angel had kissed Cordy before. Hell, if he tried hard enough, he could still remember the taste of her on his lips, bring back the essence of Cordelia that had coated his fingers and his mind after that night at the ballet. He thought he knew what to expect this time. He waited for the kick, the high to come. And when it came, he still wasn't ready.  
  
It was coming home. Coming home after two and a half centuries. It was the pressure of her lips and the feel of her body in his arms and the thrill that came from knowing she wanted to be there.  
  
He had always imagined telling Cordy he loved her, pulling her into his arms and giving her one slow, soft, endless kiss. _That's not what this is. This isn't pretty. _But for once, the aesthetically inclined vampire didn't care. This was better than a pretty kiss. It was beautiful in it's desperation. It was the two of them struggling to have as much of the other person as they could reach.  
  
Angel felt something, a hunger to rival bloodlust. When he heard her give a small breathy sigh and open her mouth to his tongue, Angel knew. Deep down, he knew he would crave the taste of Cordelia for the rest of his days on Earth. And probably long after that.  
  
Cordelia didn't understand. _Why can't I get close enough? _No matter what she did, it wasn't enough. She yanked Angel's hair, grabbed at his shoulders. It wasn't enough. She wanted it all, all at once. She wanted with a violence that had her biting down hard on his lower lip and shoving up against his chest because _oh lord, friction good!_ Cordy couldn't breath and that momentarily troubled her. But then Angel's hands streaked under her shirt and suddenly suffocating was a price she was willing to pay.  
  
Angel didn't know how it happened, but he was out of control. The kiss was beyond him. He wanted to get lost in the liquid velvet of her mouth. Luckily, some small part of him recognized her need for air and he slid his mouth down to attack her neck. His hands, he knew they were too rough, but he couldn't make them stop. He was grabbing and pulling and bruising because _God, the feel of her skin. _  
  
He lifted her up so that the center of everything soft and hot in Cordelia came in full contact with his hardness. They fit perfectly. _It's like she was made for me. _The scent of her, her arousal, was intoxicating. It sent a rush of fresh lust shouting though him. _We need to stop. This is getting dangerous. We need to slow down. _  
  
He started to relax his hold on her butt and lower her back to the ground, but she wasn't having any of that. She clenched her ass and thrust her hips forward, grinding into him. Angel growled and his good intentions were forgotten. He slammed her up against the wall and pumped against her. She whimpered and he only held her tighter.   
  
Cordelia had never known anything like this. _Although, I bet Angel has. I don't even want to think about how many women he's been with. _This thought might have troubled her more, had Angel not yanked down the collar of her shirt and lowered his mouth to the upper swell of breast left uncovered by her bra. Then all she could do was moan.   
  
Angel licked and sucked at her skin, marveling at it's taste and texture. He heard her cry out and somehow, that broke the spell he was under. He pulled his head away slowly and looked at her. Her eyes were shocked and glassy. Her lips were swollen, she had somehow gotten a long scratch on the side of her neck and the collar of her shirt was ripped. He had hurt her. And that's when he realized that he was in game face.  
  
He abruptly let her slide to the ground and immediately took 3 steps backward.   
  
"Cordelia," he panted as his face slid back into its human form.  
  
"Yes?" She sounded like she was trying to focus.   
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
Those words sounded familiar to Cordy. _The ballet! _She smiled. And she had thought all the passion, the heat then had been because they were possessed. _But we're not possessed now. And the heat's definitely still here. _She smiled more.   
  
Angel was worried that Cordy really was going into shock. He had just mauled her and now she was standing in front of him with a goofy grin on her face. _Yeah, must be the shock. _  
  
"Cordy, I didn't mean—"  
  
"You're sorry? You didn't mean to kiss me? You know Angel, not to critique your way with the ladies, but that's not really stuff that a girl likes to hear," Cordy said, shaking her head, but keeping the goofy grin firmly in place.  
  
"No, I just…I didn't want it to be like that…it wasn't kissing," Angel said hurriedly. He needed to make this better.  
  
"Felt like kissing to me."  
  
"It was me attacking you," he told her, like she hadn't been there.  
  
"And me attacking you right back." She stepped closer to him and Angel put up a hand, as if to keep her away.   
  
"I hurt you."   
  
Cordelia wondered if it was possible for a heart to burst with love. "No, you didn't."  
  
"You cried out," Angel reminded her.  
  
"I moaned."  
  
"In pain" Angel reiterated.   
  
"No, in—well, it wasn't pain. Believe me, I've had pain rather recently," Cordy said, running a hand over her stomach. "This wasn't pain."  
  
"Your stitches!" Angel cried out. He had forgotten that she was only hours out of the hospital.  
  
"They're fine," Cordy assured him.  
  
"You're going to have bruises." _She can't deny that one. _  
  
"I'm sure you'll have some too."  
  
_Come to think of it, my shoulder is sort of throbbing. Did she bite me? _As Cordelia's practical assurances won the battle over Angel's insecurities, he lowered the hand he had been using to ward her off. "You're not mad," he noted.  
  
"Angel, being slammed up against a wall by a hottie makes me feel a lot of things. Anger is not one of them."  
  
She seemed so calm. Not mad at what the kiss, what them coming together had turned into. Not surprised either.   
  
Cordy watched as her confused vampire ambled into the living room. He came to stand in front of the couch, but he didn't sit down. He just stood there. Looking confused. _Ahh, now that's the Angel I know and love. _  
  
She walked over to him, pushing him onto the couch. She stood standing in front of him and reached for both of his hands. Then she quietly began to explain.  
  
"Look. I know if this was an episode of 'Felicity' or something, it would have been different. It would have been the long slow kiss with the cheek cupping and the whispering of sweet nothings. But this isn't the WB Angel. It's you and me. You know how I feel and I know how you feel. Finally. And we have about a year worth of sexual tension to work through. So it's understandable, us making with the mad groping." She climbed onto the couch, straddling him. He didn't move at first, then tentatively his arms came around her.   
  
"There's still the curse you know," he reminded her solemnly.   
  
"So?"  
  
"So we can't do…that." _I'm 250 and all of the sudden I can't say 'sex'?_   
  
"We can do other stuff," she said in a voice that excited and sort of frightened Angel. Then she licked up his neck and really scared him.  
  
"What, um, what kind of stuff were you thinking of?" he asked while his brain was still functioning.   
  
"Well, first on the agenda is teaching you the difference between good moaning and bad moaning."

*************  
Cordelia had never had so much fun just kissing. In fact, rarely in her life had she spent 20 minutes merely kissing. Her closet time with Xander had been relatively innocent but he hadn't really known what he was doing. Since then, being with a guy had mostly been about pushing as many of the other person's buttons, usually as fast as possible.  
  
She had planned on doing other stuff when she straddled Angel and pulled his face up to meet hers. But it never evolved past the just kissing phase. _Maybe because just kissing Angel isn't just kissing. _

For some reason, it reminded her a lot of how she felt when she and Angel went for walks after dusk, or of staying up late into the night helping him with Connor. _Because of the closeness, because it feels like we're sharing something, something that's just ours. _Kissing with Angel was all about closeness. _Kissing with Angel….I've been kissing with Angel!_   
  
It hadn't been like the first time they came together. Angel was too aware now that she had just been released from the hospital. He wouldn't let things go to far, and while she had definitely liked the rush and the neediness of the first time around, she found she liked it this way almost as much. Long sweet slow get-to-know-you kisses. Learning every nook and cranny of each other's mouths.  
  
Soon she was too caught up in just how loved and cherished he was making her feel to whine about how he wouldn't let her take his pants off. _Plus, I'm sure there will be time for that later. _The way he touched her now—the fingers threading through her hair, the knuckle brushing over her jaw, the hands running gently over her hips. No one had touched her so tenderly before. Almost worshiping. It felt like he was reaching in and touching her soul. 

She would be perfectly happy just kissing this man for the rest of her life. But she couldn't.  
  
Giving her lower lip a soft nibble, Angel pulled away to look down at Cordy. There were dark circles around her eyes and her hair was a messy jumble. He could feel the bandage covering the stitches through their clothes and he could still faintly smell the tears she had shed earlier in the evening. And still…she was lovely. She lay on top of him on the couch, now with her legs nestled firmly between his and the top of her head just under his chin. He drank in the warmth that blanketed him, the feel of her soft hot breath against his throat and the occasional kiss she would brush on the patch of skin exposed by the unbuttoned collar of his shirt. 

He would be content to hold this woman in his arms for the rest of his life. But he couldn't.   
  
"Cordy. We need to think about moving soon."  
  
She made a half-hearted whine. "No. No moving. Let's just stay here on this couch where we love each other forever."  
  
"We can't stay here forever." Although for the life of him, Angel couldn't remember why.  
  
"I know," she grumbled. She raised her head to look in his eyes. "I miss Connor already. And we still have all that help the helpless stuff to do. And the earning your redemption gig. So…how about five more minutes?"   
  
_She is adorable. _Angel cupped her cheek and felt the need to tell her again just how he felt.   
  
"I love you," he whispered harshly. Then, in a happier, lighter voice, he continued. "I love you and I finally get to tell you that." She kissed his chin, but he wasn't done yet. "Cor, I look in your eyes and it's…I can see my future. I think, for once, that anything is possible. Redemption. Shanshu."   
  
Something dark flickered in Cordy's gaze and suddenly she was pulling her head out of his reach and burying her face in his chest.  
  
"Cordy? Cordelia?" Angel felt hot dampness seeping through his shirt and pulled her face up so he could see her. "What's wrong?" _Maybe she doesn't want a future with me. Maybe she just wants a fling. She doesn't want forever. _  
  
"Look Angel, I'm confident enough to believe that you love me. It's not that I doubt that. It's just…when you shanshu…anything WILL be possible."   
  
_I thought that was a good thing. _Angel waited for her to say more.  
  
"You and Buffy…You'll finally be able to be together." Cordy said this quietly.  
  
"Hey! How can you think—"  
  
"Less than 24 hours ago you were kissing her," she reminded him. "You two are still—"  
  
This time he interrupted. "No. That kiss, it was, it was a goodbye kiss."  
  
"Angel I am very aware that you, that how you feel about me, compared to how you feel about her…" Cordy couldn't seem to finish the sentence. _How do you tell someone that you know you will always be their second choice?_   
  
_How can someone so strong be so insecure about this one thing? _Angel wished she had more faith in his love for her. But then, he hadn't really given her many reasons to feel that way.  
  
"Cordy. Stand up," he ordered. When she did, he shifted so he was sitting up, then he pulled her back down, cuddling her in his lap. He just held her for a minute, taking his time to plan what he would say. It was very important that she understand.  
  
"How I feel about you, it's, it's not something I can compare to anything. Not Buffy, not anyone. Nothing I've seen or read or felt in 250 years."  
  
"But you and Buffy were soul-mates."  
  
Angel held back a growl. "You know, I've had it up to here with this soul-mate crap. Buffy and I weren't soul mates, we were just in love. And do I think that you and I are soul mates, that we were destined to be? No. You and I met again in LA by pure and simple chance. The luckiest coincidence in the world. And I fell in love with you because of who you are and who you make me, not because of something pre-ordained. Destiny is bullshit."  
  
He felt her body tense as it prepared to interrupt him again. He squeezed her tightly. "Let me finish. That day, in the basement when I told you I'd never known anyone like you? I can't CONCIEVE of anyone being remotely like you. So I don't know there are the right words to describe how I feel about you. I only know that I've never felt this way before—I've never felt so much before."  
  
She was silent but her hands had started tracing interesting patterns on his shoulder. He kissed the top of her head. "Better?" he asked.  
  
She pulled her head off his shoulder and smiled at him. In answer she brushed a soft dry kiss on his lips. He sighed. "We need to get back to the hotel," he reminded her.  
  
"We?" Cordy really would have preferred staying away from the hotel for a little while.   
  
"Yes WE." He stood up with her still in his arms and Cordelia couldn't help but give a small shiver of delight. _I could really get into dating a guy who can pick me up without groaning or making cracks about cutting down on dessert. _"Connor's teething," Angel continued, "and you aren't making me go through that alone. Plus, you and Buffy—"  
  
_OH SHIT! I forgot about Buffy. _Cordy wiggled until Angel put her back down. "She tried to hit me when she thought it was just me and my one-sided crush on you! She's going to really kick my ass now."   
  
"She won't try to kick your ass. And, hey, even if she did, you know how to defend yourself now." Angel felt a thrill at the thought of how much fun training sessions were going to be after this.  
  
She sent him a withering glance. "No offence to your training abilities Angel, but your spinny kicky move, versus her Kung-Foo Slayer strength? She's going to Slayer-ize me! Or Slayer-tize me, which ever is more painful!"  
  
Angel knew she was genuinely a little worried but it was hard to keep a straight face. She was so amazing. So funny and impulsive and…_alive. _. He grinned at her. "I wonder if I'm ever not going to be surprised by what comes out of your mouth."  
  
She smiled and raised her eyebrows at him. "Yeah, well just think how surprised you'll be by what can come in my mouth." _Wow, I'm naughty. _  
  
Angel's brain shut down as all the borrowed blood in his body rushed to a place that wasn't his head. When he finally could speak, it was barely coherent.  
  
"You, uh, you…until that whole business with the curse and the soul and the," he took an unnecessary breath, "happiness," he squeaked, "until all that is solved, never say that again. Ever. Never."  
  
She giggled. He pushed her towards her bedroom. "Go. Change. We need to get back to the hotel." She rolled her eyes but headed in to her room, leaving Angel in the living room to contemplate just what could come in her mouth.

TBC…

Nope, I'm not done yet.


	17. Two Great Heros Meet on A Field of Battl...

**Well this is it. I went ahead and posted both the last chapter and the Epilogue, so beware of the length.  I really hope you like it and would love to hear what you think.  **

**Chapter 17: Two Great Heroes Meet on a Field of Battle and Recognize Their Mutual Fate**   
  
Angel turned the car off, smiling at Cordelia as she checked her hair in the mirror. All the evil law firms, scary prophecies, and unexpected pregnancies in the world wouldn't make Cordelia any less Cordy. And she was his.   
  
It was still too new, too bright and shiny to feel real yet. But that was okay. It was kind of nice, the shaky way everything seemed out of a dream right now. Because he had dreamed this, more than once.. Him and her, coming home after a night out together. Cruising down the highway in his car, top down, her hand on his thigh and his occasionally reaching to caress her cheek. They would pull into the hotel and he would be Mister Smooth, cracking jokes and having her wait in her seat while he went around and…_Oh shit, she's already getting out of the car!!! _  
  
"Woah, wait," he hurriedly called out. She glanced over at him, perplexed, but he just smiled. Then he opened his door, raced around the car, and with an exaggerated flourish, pulled open her door and offered his hand to her. As she placed her hand in his, she bit her lip, blushing, offering him a glimpse of the softer, shier side of Cordelia, the one few got to see. He helped her out of the convertible and for a moment they just stood there, inches apart, her hand still in his.  
  
"I shouldn't get used to that, should I?" Cordelia finally said, in a light-hearted voice.   
  
He could lie, but honestly, how often would they even be in the car alone together? First of all there was Connor. Plus Angel couldn't really picture any of the other members of AI waiting patiently in the back seat for him to run around the car and open the passenger side door for Cordy. "Probably not," he told her with a rueful grin.  
  
Luckily his honesty didn't throw her. She laughed and then, keeping his hand in hers, started to walk towards the hotel. Two feet before the door, she stopped. Since they were still joined, Angel stopped too, looking quizzically at her.  
  
Cordelia turned to face him. This was the man she loved and also her best friend and being with him was wonderful and comfortable but still a bit…new. And she wasn't entirely sure how to proceed. She turned to face him, freeing his hand and reaching up to fuss with the collar of his button down shirt. Finally, she looked up and met his eyes. "Soooo, how do we do this?" she asked.  
  
Angel smirked. "Welll," he drawled, reaching around her lower back to pull her closer, "it goes a little something like this." And then he was leaning down and –  
  
"Woah there cowboy," Cordy said, putting her fingers over his descending lips. "Not how do we do THAT. I know we know how to do THAT. I meant, are we, uh, do we announce something, or, I don't know, do you wanna do the secret love thing for a while?"  
  
Angel sighed but kept his arms around Cordy. "Cordelia. Two hours ago you told the entire Scooby Gang that you were in love with me. I think the secret's out."  
  
Secretly overjoyed that Angel didn't feel the need to hide what they now were from anyone, Cordelia's usually ever-present confidence returned. _Even though I'm not entirely sure what we are now. _  
  
"Well, I'm glad you feel like telling them. It's probably a really good idea. Especially considering the fact that they're gonna see that thing on your neck and guess what happened anyway," she told him.  
  
"What thing," Angel practically shrieked, running his hand rapidly over his entire neck region.  
  
Cordy ran her tongue over her lips. Angel with a hickey was incredibly funny and after the weekend she had just had, she deserved a good laugh. "Here," she told him, reaching into her purse, fishing out her compact and handing it too him. He stared at it blankly. "Flip it open," she admonished. _God he's slow sometimes._   
  
Angel opened the compact, saw the mirror and gave her a pained look. _Ohhhhh, right, vampires and mirrors. Forgot about that one. Okay, maybe I'm a little slow sometimes too. _"Sorry, my bad," she said. "It's a hickey."  
  
"You gave me a hickey." It was half question and half incredulous statement. Cordy couldn't tell how he felt about it. _And ambiguous Angel, that's never good. _  
  
"Yeah," she admitted. "Sorry. Believe me, I'm not proud of it. You usually grow out of the whole hickey business around the time you get your braces off. I guess I— Wait, why do you look so absurdly happy about this?" Halfway through her hurried apology Angel had started in with the great big dorky smile.  
  
Immediately he tried (unsuccessfully) to hide his grin. "I don't know," he mumbled. "I like it. I think the demon in me is really getting off on you marking me. Sort of claiming me as your own." 

Angel rushed on, ignoring her quiet giggles. "And the man in me, well, it just seems very boyfriend-girlfriendy." _There _he thought. _Cordy's gonna love the way I'm opening up. Really sharing stuff with her. Private stuff._   
  
"Boyfriend-girlfriendy?" she exclaimed. "Yeah, maybe if we were in eighth grade and you acquired that during an intense game of Seven Minutes in Heaven." And then she started laughing.  
  
Angel waited a minute for the giggles to stop. Then he had to ask. "Seven minutes in heaven?" Up her eyebrows shot, like she was amazed he didn't know. Sometimes Cordelia seemed to forget that he had been around for 250 years. That was a hell of a lot of trends to keep up with.   
  
"Yeah, you know," Cordy said, trying to swallow the last of her laughter. "Two people locked in a closet for seven minutes. You figure it out."  
  
Angel looked at her appraisingly. "Oh. So is that what you were doing in the closet all the time with Xander?" he teased.  
  
Cordy made the "Ughhh" noise and swatted playfully at his chest.  
  
"Wow, testy," Angel said, smirking. "Just what did you two do when you were alone together in the closet?"  
  
"I am so not telling you that."  
  
"Why not," Angel whined. "Cordy, it's important for people in love to open up and share things." She looked at him oddly. "What?  I heard it last week on 'Oprah.' Dr. Phil is surprisingly insightful."  
  
"Fine," Cordy huffed, deciding she wasn't even going to discuss why Angel had been watching "Oprah." "If you feel like sharing is so important, how about you tell me what you did to pay the Furies for their services?"  
  
Angel gulped. "Ah, you know what, couples really shouldn't share that much." He reached for the door, prepared to rush inside if Cordy kept asking. He looked at her and noticed that her whole face had lit up. "What?" he asked.  
  
"Is that what we are?" she asked, haltingly, as if she were unsure. "I mean, are we a couple?"  
  
Angel took his arm off the door and brought it back around her. HE leaned down and looked directly into her eyes. "We are whatever you want us to be." And then he kissed her, because they were so close, and when your faces are that close and you love each other, it's pretty much unwritten law that you should kiss.  
  
"This feels very coupley," Cordy murmured into Angel's mouth.   
  
"Mmmm, I haven't felt this coupley in a long time," Angel replied, before diving back into her mouth.   
  
All of the sudden, the front door was flung open.  
  
"Hey guys," Xander called out to the other people in the hotel, before he actually saw who was standing at the door, "Chinese is here—Holy world's colliding Batman!" He seemed to freeze in shock. Angel and Cordelia disengaged from each other's arms and waited for Xander to say more. But it seemed, for once, as if he had been rendered speechless. It was indeed a day for miracles.  
  
Finally Cordelia just strolled into the hotel past Xander, not feeling the need to say anything to her ex. Angel, on the other hand, was surprisingly cheerful.  
  
"Hey Xan," he boomed, walking in and slapping Xander on the back (and almost knocking the guy down in the process). Angel kept walking and headed for the stairs, anxious to check on his son.  
  
Xander still stood at the open door. "Xan?" he said quietly to himself. Angel, no, Deadboy, Deadboy hadn't just called him Xan, had he? "Xan?" he repeated.  
  
"No, I'm Ping." Xander blinked and noticed the Chinese food delivery guy was now standing right in front of him. "That will be $49. 23."  
  
While Xander handled the food, Cordelia was being fawned over in the lobby by Fred and Gunn. They smothered her in hugs and insisted on seeing her stitches. Gunn actually offered to make her tea, while Fred gave her a sticker, because "that's what my momma always did when I was brave." They generally avoided the fact that the last time they had seen her she was sprinting out to the cab with tears streaming down her face. And she loved them for it.  
  
"So," Cordelia asked, leaning on the counter, "why, exactly, is Willow standing there staring at the door to the basement?"  
  
Xander, walking up and placing a mountain of Chinese food on the counter, answered her question. "It's not so much a long story as it is a story I'd rather not talk about." He shuddered. "Or think about."   
  
Eager to find out what was going on, Cordelia walked over to where Willow stood. For a moment, she just stared at the door, but not seeing anything out of the ordinary, she finally tapped the girl on the shoulder. "Hey. What exactly are we looking at?" Cordy asked.  
  
"Oh I'm not looking at anything," Willow said matter-of-factly. "I'm listening."  
  
"Well, then what are we listening to?" Cordy asked. Suddenly, from the basement, came a series of banging noises. Then one loud crash. And something that sounded an awful lot like glass breaking. "What the hell was that?" Willow didn't answer. Then from the bowels of the basement came a moan. "It sounds like someone's in pain."  
  
"Actually, that one sounded like someone in fun," Fred corrected from the lobby, through a mouthful of Hunan Shrimp. She considered herself something of an expert, ever since that night at the ballet.  
  
"Willow, what is going on down there," Cordy asked, starting to get frustrated.  
  
"Buffy and Spike," Willow told her, still not looking away from the door. "It was yelling for the first hour or so. Now, it's just—" BANG.  
  
"Banging?" Cordy said, eyes going wide with shock.  
  
"Part of me is all, I hope it means what I think it means," Willow admitted. "But the other part of me—"  
  
"Doesn't want to think about what it means," Cordy filled in.  
  
"Exactly. I think I might do the denial thing for a while," Willow said sheepishly.  
  
"Hey," said Cordy, encouraging. "A little healthy denial never hurt anyone."  
  
"Sweetie, the last thing this little group needs is more denial," came a voice from above. Walking downstairs with Dawn, Lorne continued. "You're looking better Miss Chase. Why you're positively *glowing*. Please tell me I didn't just leave the baby upstairs with an evil vampire."  
  
"Please," Cordelia snorted. "Did you see what he was wearing? He definitely still has a soul."  
  
"Hey Cordelia," Dawn said, beckoning Cordy over. "Guess what. Lorne read my aura. He says I'm the only one here with an ounce of sense. And he's going to help me pick a song to do for the talent show."  
  
"Oh sweetie, that's great. You know, I sang in the talent show when I was your age," Cordy bragged.  
  
"Yeah, um," Dawn lowered her voice and leaned toward Cordelia. "Listen, you might want to tell Angel that showing off a nasty suck mark on your neck like it's a prize, well, it's not really hickey etiquette."  
  
Cordelia giggled. "I tried. God, he's such a dork."  
  
"You've always had a soft spot for the dorks." Cordy and Dawn turned to see who had added the commentary. There, in the doorway to the basement, stood a very rumpled looking slayer.  
  
"Buffy," Cordelia drawled evenly. _It's okay. She's not going to kill me. She can't kill humans. OH shit. Only half human. Does that mean she's allowed to beat me up a whole lot, but not kill me? Or what, can she only kill me a little? I really need to get a look at the Slayer Rule Book one of these days._   
  
Buffy strolled over to where her sister and Cordelia stood. It took every ounce of willpower Cordy had not to take any steps backward. She did make sure to pinpoint the nearest emergency exit. Just as a precaution.   
  
"Cordelia, I was wondering if I could talk to you. Outside?" Buffy asked. Dawn tactfully went over to get some food, leaving the two women to talk.   
  
"Outside," Cordy stammered. "Alone outside? Where one can cause all sorts of pain under the cloak of darkness?" _Damn. I sound all stammery and afraid. Like Fred. No, not like Fred. Oh Christ. I sound like Xander._   
  
"Yeah, outside," Buffy said. Unlike Cordelia, she seemed calmer than ever.  
  
"Um, okay. Great. Let's go." Both women started heading over to the doors to the courtyard. All of the sudden, Cordy got an idea. "Hey, you go ahead. I'll be right behind you."  
  
* * *  
  
When Cordy came outside a couple of minutes later, Buffy was sitting on a bench directly across from the door. When the Slayer got a good look at Cordelia, who had come outside, crossbow in hand, she gave a sharp, dry chuckle.  
  
"You're going to shoot me?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Oh. No. I mean, only if I have to," Cordy said. "This is for when you attack me. You are the Chosen One Buffy. I think I deserve something to even the odds."   
  
"Cordelia," Buffy said with a sigh, "I didn't bring you out here to beat you up."  
  
"No?" Cordy said, cautiously sitting down next to the slayer—but making sure the crossbow was still in reach.  
  
"No. I came to do something much less fun. I, well I owe you explanations and apologies. I came way too close to hitting you and I said things about you that were untrue and out of line."  
  
Trying to be generous, Cordy told Buffy, "What you said wasn't that bad."  
  
"It got worse after you left."  
  
"Oh. Well in that case…"  
  
Buffy cleared her throat. "I also need to thank you," she ground out. "For taking a hit that was meant to for me. And more importantly, for saying things that needed to be said."  
  
"Being a tactless bitch, you mean?"  
  
"Hey, it's not the first time that your patented Queen C charm has been able to give me a reality check when no one else could," Buffy told her.  
  
Cordelia didn't know what to make of that. "I do what I can," she replied.   
  
"You do. You do so much. You've done so much." For a moment, Buffy stopped. She didn't enjoy saying this, but it had to be said. Even though it was seriously making her stomach hurt. _One of these days being so honorable is going to give me an ulcer. _"You've accepted all this pain. You've got the mothering thing down pat. And you seem to work the demon thing pretty well too." Buffy forged on. "And you've made Angel so very very happy."  
  
Cordelia flashed that brilliant smile and wonder of wonders, Buffy smiled back. Then all of the sudden Buffy frowned. "You haven't made him TOO happy, right?"  
  
"Oh no," Cordy assured her quickly. "No, no happy-happyness."  
  
"Kay. Just checking."  
  
Feeling better about where this little chat was going, Cordy relaxed her grip on the crossbow and laid it on the ground at her feet.   
  
"Buffy," Cordy said, "are you okay with this? I mean, I could tell, when you came here—"  
  
"That I wanted Angel and I to refresh our memories?"  
  
"So to speak."  
  
Buffy gave an almost embarrassed laugh. "Yeah. I thought I did want the two of us to, I don't know, be what we were. I think I was just looking for someone to cling to." She sighed. "Someone that wasn't Spike."  
  
"Oh, yeah, how, um, how's that going by the way," Cordy asked, trying not to laugh at the memory of the noises coming from the basement.  
  
Buffy mock-glared at her, but for once it seemed like there was no real venom behind her eyes. "Cordelia, Spike heard you and Willow. I know you two were hanging out by the door to the basement."  
  
"Okay, yes, we're eavesdroppers. Big shock there. And yes, we heard the noises and assumed that you two were—"  
  
"Oh we were," Buffy announced with a broad smile. "Twice."  
  
"Stop," Cordy said, holding her hand up as if that would prevent Buffy from sharing anymore.   
  
"There are times when being with a vampire comes in very handy," Buffy added, once she saw how much Cordelia DIDN'T want to hear.  
  
"Okay, so don't want to go there."  
  
Buffy continued. "Obviously there's the 100 plus years of experience."  
  
"Please. I beg you. Stop talking."  
  
She went on, seemingly oblivious to Cordy's pleas. "The super strength is fun too."  
  
"Nooooo," Cordy cried out, putting her hands over her ears like a five year old. "This is gross."  
  
Buffy smiled wickedly. _And now for the grand finale. _"And you know Cordelia, vampires don't need to breath." She threw in an eyebrow wiggle, for effect.  
  
Cordy shot up out of her seat like a rocket and started pacing. "Thank you. Thank you very much. I will never be able to train down there again. The mental pictures will haunt me for eternity." All of the sudden she stopped walking and looked over at Buffy. They both burst out laughing.  
  
As soon as they realized that they were laughing, that they were both laughing, that they were LAUGHING TOGETHER, they stopped. And frowned. Cordy started in with the pacing again and Buffy put her head between her legs, like she was dizzy.  
  
"Oh God," Cordy said, clearly distressed. "We're going to end up being friends, aren't we?"  
  
"I'm not any happier about it than you are," Buffy said between deep even breaths. The idea of being buddies with this woman was more terrifying than those swim team monsters. She sat up. "Maybe, maybe it won't be so bad. I live two hours away. I—"  
  
"No," Cordy cut her off. "That won't help. I can see me calling you. Late night three hour conversation calls."  
  
Buffy groaned. Because she could picture it too. _Curled up on the couch, eating everything in sight, and laughing hysterically while talking on the phone with the devil himself—err, herself. _  
  
Cordelia wasn't finished. "Plus I've gotten way more into email. I need to get your address. We've started taking all these digital pics of Connor—you're gonna love them."  
  
That was it then. They would be friends. Probably never best friends. In some ways, they were too similar to be that close. But they would be friends. It was inevitable. Both women looked somewhat pale and more than a little nauseous at that conclusion.   
  
Buffy still needed to make sure that her earlier point had been made.  
  
"Cordelia. I am sorry. I'm sorry you heard me say all those things, I'm sorry for the meaner things you didn't hear me say, and I'm even sorrier because none of them were true. I know that, and so do Willow and Xander."  
  
"Buffy, I know I'm not everyone's favorite person, it's not big de—"  
  
"No. It is a big deal Cordelia. You've been there, with us, from the beginning. Do you realize that? I don't think I did until I sat down and thought about it. And however much fun you and I had pretending to hate each other, was there ever a time when one of us needed something and the other said no?" It was super mature compliment. Buffy had never been prouder of herself. And Cordelia, well, she was staring at her like she had two heads.   
  
Finally Cordy smirked. "Wow. Buffy. All that basement-Spike-lovin certainly has made you…well, nice."  
  
"Hey, I'm not the only one who's considerably mellower. Could the new improved Cordy have anything to do with the hickey I heard Dawn talking about?"   
  
"I'm taking the fifth on that one," Cordy pronounced as solemnly as she could while trying to control her beaming smile.  
  
"Well, since clearly there was neck suckage, I hope I can assume that Angel's talk with you went well." With Buffy's veiled question, Cordy lost control of the smile and out it came. Cordelia's cheeks took on a rosy blush and it was beautiful. Buffy had never seen Cordelia in love before. It was better than she had ever looked with expensive cosmetics and high-fashion outfits.   
  
"I never saw you smile like that in Sunnydale," Buffy said without thinking. "I barely saw Angel smile at all—I'm starting to wonder what the hell we did besides talk about the world ending and make out angstily. You're good for each other."   
  
Cordy shot a questioning glance at the slayer. "Was that you giving me your blessing or something?"  
  
"Yeah. I kinda think it was," Buffy told her. Both girls stared at each other uncomfortably.  
  
Cordelia cleared her throat. "Okay, so clearly, the warm fuzzies don't really work on us."  
  
"Oh no they don't,' Buffy said, vigorously nodding her head.   
  
Having reached that agreement, both girls stood and headed back inside.

**Epilogue: ** **The Anti-Joss Whedon (a.k.a. "Happy") Ending**   
  
When Cordy and Buffy walked back into the hotel, Willow was once again staring at the closed door to the basement. Only this time, Fred, Gunn, and Lorne were standing there with her. Xander was still eating and Dawn was rocking Connor.  
  
When the two women got closer, they could hear more crashing noises coming from the basement.  
  
"Geez," Cordy huffed. "Who's down there banging now?"  
  
Buffy smirked. _I know who was banging down there twenty minutes ago!_   
  
"It's Angel and Spike," Gunn told them. Both girls made faces.  
  
"Uh, Spike came upstairs a little after you two went outside," Willow explained. "And I guess Angel, he, um, smelled something."  
  
Cordy laughed. "I thought he already knew about Spike and Buffy and the hot monkey sex."  
  
"Hey," Buffy cried out. "It is not monkey sex."  
  
"He did know," Fred told her. "He was mad about it happening in the basement." Buffy and Cordelia started to giggle. Fred continued with the story. "He started yelling about how if he couldn't have sex in the basement like he'd wanted to for the past six months, than there better damn well not be other people having sex down there." Giggles turned into full blown laughter. Because let's face it, a frustrated Angel is a funny Angel.  
  
"And then he went downstairs and saw the mess you two had made," Gunn told Buffy.  
  
Suddenly more bad sounds emerged from below, along with some yelling they couldn't really make out.   
  
"Should we go down there and break it up?" Willow asked.  
  
"No, no, it's good for Angel to work off some of his 'tension," Cordy told the group as she walked over to Dawn and took the baby from her. "It's not like I can help him with that one." When she turned back around, the group near the stairs was staring at her. They all had huge dorky smiles on their faces. "What?" she asked, even though she knew.  
  
"So, it's official," Fred asked. She looked like she was going to hyperventilate.  
  
"Official? Well, I didn't sign any papers," Cordy said, stalling for effect. You can take the Drama Queen out of Sunnydale…but she'll just move to LA and become a bigger Drama Queen.  
  
Willow sighed, frustrated. "She means, did you both finally admit the mutual crushage?"  
  
Cordy smiled in what she thought was an enigmatic way. The group didn't have much trouble figuring out what she meant.  
  
"Oh yeah girl," Gunn drawled.  
  
Fred clapped her hands. "Kyerumption conquers all!"  
  
Xander walked over with a carton of Moo Shoo Chicken. "Kye-what?" he asked Fred.  
  
"It's when two great heroes meet on a field of battle and recognize their mutual fate," Fred told him.  
  
"It's also a grog made out of ox dung," Willow informed the group. "But I believe that definition is considered slightly archaic." Willow picked up on the fact that most of the room was staring at her. "What? Look, I've been researching for six years. You pick a lot of stuff up in six years."  
  
Shifting Connor so she held him with one hand, Cordelia reached over and started picking at Xander's Chinese food. "This is pretty good. Who paid for all this?" Cordy inquired.  
  
"Wesley. OR at least Wesley's company credit card," Gunn said.  
  
Speaking of Wesley… "Where is Wes by the way?" Cordy said. "I haven't seen him since yesterday afternoon."  
  
Fred gulped and her eyes darted nervously around the room. "He got a lead on something he was researching. He had to drive to San Francisco to meet with some shamen in order to verify it."  
  
Cordy was confused. "What was he researching? We don't even have a case right now?" Fred just gave a tense smile and shrugged.   
  
* * *  
  
Spike sat down on the basement stairs. He was breathing hard (it was a force of habit rather than necessity). Every bone in his body was aching. God he'd missed quality time with his sire. The first couple punches had been fun. Family bonding. But enough was enough.  
  
"Christ man, are we done yet?" Spike whined, mopping up the blood dripping from a cut over his eye. "You know you're not really mad."  
  
Angel leaned against the wall. "Spike," he stated matter-of-factly as he tried to asses his own injuries, "you fucked my ex-girlfriend in my basement."  
  
"Twice mate," Spike corrected. "Twice in your basement. And you know you're not mad."  
  
Angel glared at Spike for a moment before slumping to the floor. Spotting a scrunchie of Cordy's, he picked it up and fingered it. "Fine, I'm not mad," he admitted. I guess I just needed to…"  
  
"Work off some of the cheerleader?"  
  
Angel grimaced at the way Spike had phrased it. "Yeah," he agreed, because Spike, while crude, was right. None of his anger had been about Spike, or Buffy, or Spike and Buffy. IT had been coming back from Cordy's and realizing the very strict physical limits their relationship would have. It was going to be very hard. _I'm going to be very hard. _  
  
Spike cleared his throat to get Angel's attention. "So I'm guessing all your newfound tension means you two crazy kids worked things out?"  
  
"Not the way that you and Buffy got to work stuff out," Angel said petulantly, gesturing around at his destroyed training room.  
  
"And what a work out it was," said Spike, who wasn't above rubbing a little salt in Angel's wounds.  
  
Instead of getting annoyed, Angel just looked at Spike with a half smile on his face. "She loves me," he told his childe in what could only be described as a shy voice.  
  
Spike rolled his eyes. "To quote our favorite half-demon, 'Well duh."  
  
The two sat in comfortable silence. Spike watched as Angel's face subtlely grew darker and darker. He knew something wasn't right. He didn't look like the guy who'd just gotten the girl.   
  
"So, if you love her and she loves you, why aren't you happier? I mean, I know why you aren't perfectly happy. But still, shouldn't you be more, I don't know, cheerful? I know if I just had that woman licking on my neck, I wouldn't be wasting time beating the crap out of a dear old chum and sulking in the basement."  
  
Angel looked down at his hands. "I am happy. I was happy. But now that I've had more time to think, to realize…I don't deserve this. I don't deserve her."  
  
"This is another time where I could use the chit's 'well duh,' but since I love you, I won't."  
  
The faint scent of Cordy drifted up from the hair band in Angel's hand and his throat got tight. "I'm not just a vampire, I'm a cursed vampire Spike. I can never really show her how I feel. I can't give her sunlight or picnics. Or babies. Or anything she's gonna want someday."  
  
"Well by that theory, I don't deserve Buffy either," Spike said indignantly.   
  
"I'm not arguing with that one," Angel said, looking back up and raising his eyebrow.   
  
Spike leaned over, resting his elbows on his knees. "Angel. Do you know how many times Buffy has left me bleeding and broken—and I don't mean in a good way, the way she has recently? That girl, she put me in a wheelchair. She brought your alter ego back into my and Dru's life. She broke my robot and never gave her back." Spike stood up. "I don't just deserve that woman. I've earned her." Walking over to his sire, Spike added, "And you've earned Cordelia."  
  
Angel met his childe's eyes. His expression was thoughtful, as he recounted all the trials and tribulations he had faced for the woman he loved. "Well, I did go shopping for her. And I went to another dimension. Twice."  
  
"Now see," Spike said in a firm voice, offering Angel a hand and pulling him up off the floor. "You've put your time in. You've more than earned the right to a smart, bossy, incredibly flexible brunette—err, blond." Spike frowned at the thought of the sad turn Cordelia's hair had taken. "By the way, you should really talk to her about her hair—but be careful. The last time I mentioned Buffy's hair she went and chopped it all off," Spike warned.   
  
Angel smiled. _I never dreamed Spike would prove so helpful in the advice department. _HE went back over what Spike had just said. Then he frowned.  
  
"How do you know that Cordy is incredibly flexible? I'm in love with her and *I* didn't know she was flexible, let alone INCREDIBLY flexible. And what exactly constitutes being 'incredibly flexible'? I don't think you…..  
  
* * *  
  
ON the stairs, eavesdropping, a slayer and a seer giggled into their hands as the two vampires they loved started pushing each other again.   
  
"My hair isn't that bad, is it?" Cordy whispered to Buffy.  
  
Ignoring the question, Buffy whispered back, "Cordelia, how does Spike know you're so flexible?"  
  
* * *  
  
"Cordelia?" Angel called, walking out into the courtyard. The Scoobies had taken off around nine and the whole hotel seemed calmer now. It was the perfect opportunity for a little one on one time with his…_my girlfriend. Cordy, Cordelia Chase is my girlfriend. Okay, a vampire with over two centuries doesn't need to be running around giggling about having a girlfriend. I've got to stop acting like this. _"Cor?" Angel called again. He scanned around the garden, he knew she was out here, he could smell her when he had opened the door. "Fred said you wanted to talk to me?"  
  
"Over here," she cried out.  
  
And there she was. Lying on her back on a blanket in the grass, propped up on her elbows. She wasn't exactly dressed for seduction—she wore the blue jeans and tee shirt she had changed into at her place—and yet nothing had ever been more inviting.   
  
There was a basket with a bottle of wine sticking out of it and there was his son, also lying on his back, sucking noisily on his bottle. His entire world lay there on that blanket. Angel prayed the happiness clause didn't kick in right there.  
  
"What's all this?" he asked quietly. Scooping Connor up, he placed him in the baby carrier next to the basket and took his son's place on the blanket next to Cordelia.  
  
"Isn't this nice?" Cordy gushed. "This night is perfect, don't you think? You can see the stars. You can hardly ever see the stars in this city. Wine?" she asked.  
  
Angel nodded absently. It was nice. But he didn't get it. "Seriously Cordelia, what is all this?" _Not that I mind being wined and dined by a beautiful woman. _  
  
Cordy studied the man before her. He looked pleasantly surprised, but more than a little wary. She could tell he had spent way too much of the time thinking since they had returned to the hotel. _Not thinking. Brooding. Brooding and creating reasons to not enjoy this. _  
  
"I heard you with Spike today," she told him. She sat up and reached for the wine glasses. "I heard you, when you said how you couldn't give me sunlight or picnics or babies. That you couldn't give me anything." She said all this calmly, handing Angel a glass of wine.   
  
He didn't bother taking a sip, instead placing the glass on the ground next to him. He waited until Cordy had poured a glass for herself before taking her cup and putting it down too.  
  
"Well, it's true Cordy," he said, reaching for both her hands. He loved her hands. They were soft and feminine, manicured perfection. And yet, underneath the parrifan wax treatments and the pink polish and the lotions, there was strength. Strength often overlooked by beauty, but strength just the same. That's how it was with Cordelia. That's why he cherished her. That's why he respected her. And because he respected her, he felt he owed her the truth. "There's so much you'll be missing out on, giving up, to be with me. I'm not sure it's worth all t—"  
  
"Angel, look around."  
  
He quickly whirled his around, making sure there were no intruders in the courtyard.   
  
"No silly," Cordy said, unsuccessfully trying to hold back a snort of laughter. "Here. What do you see here?" Angel gave a blank look, and Cordy realized she would have to fill in those blanks. "Picnic," she said, tapping the basket. "The best baby in the whole entire world," she told him, reaching over his body to tickle Connor's foot.  
  
"No sunlight though," Angel stated, almost automatically looking up at the night sky.  
  
"Ughhh," Cordy groaned in frustration. "Okay Mr. I'm President of Pessimists Anonymous." She reached for him, placing her hand on his cheek and pulling him back to meet her gaze. "I'll have you know that moonlight is ten times more romantic than the sun."  
  
"Yes, it's nice Cordelia, but there's so much I can't give y—"  
  
"Angel!" Cordy moved to sit on her knees in front of him. "Look at me. Who I am? You gave that to me. You gave me the chance to become the woman you could fall in love with. You do love me right?" she teased.  
  
"You know I do." There was no joking in his tone.  
  
"Well, most of me, the best parts of me, are you. What you've taught me, how you've changed me. You don't need to worry about giving me anything. Because you've already given me everything." She brushed a soft dry kiss on his lips before leaning back. "Well, except for the boat. And you never did come though with the ski condo."  
  
His expression never changed and Cordelia was slightly disheartened. Maybe he just wasn't going to get it. Maybe her assurances wouldn't be enough, would never be enough.   
  
All of the sudden he yanked her into his lap and kissed her breathless. Kissed her beyond breathless. Kissed her until she was mindless.  
  
Angel hoped it would always be like this. That even if they were together for the next 70 years, it would always be like this. That his whole life would be divided into "kissing Cordy" and "everything else."   
  
He heard his name being called. _Good, I'm glad one of us is still functioning because speech is pretty much beyond me. _He caressed the soft exposed skin of her lower back, between where her shirt ended and her jeans began, and felt her shake. Feeling that, feeling what he could make her feel, made him even hungrier. In the distance he heard his name again. _Wait a sec. That's not Cordy's voice.. _  
  
He pulled away slightly and shook his head, trying to gain focus. Cordy buried her face in his neck, panting, trying to catch her breath.   
  
"Angel, Come ON! Get yo ass in here." It was Gunn. Yelling from inside the hotel.   
  
Cordelia started to pull away and Angel growled, pulling her back into his arms. "I don't think so. It can't be that important. You would have had a vision," he told her, his lips preparing to descend again.  
  
"Dawg, it's important," Gunn called. "You get your punk ass in here too Barbie."  
  
"Arrhhh," Cordy groaned, putting both hands on Angel's chest and pushing him away.  
  
"Seriously you two. Wesley just got home. He really needs to talk to you about what he's been researching," Fred added.  
  
Cordy staggered and stood up. Her legs still felt weak. To calm her heart, she reached for Connor, bouncing him in her arms and kissed his head, letting the perfect baby smell combat the frustration that was racing through her brain. She turned to Angel.  
  
"You know, I'm happy we finally found each other. Overjoyed. Floating in air. Well not literally. But, really, very happy. At the same time, you have to admit, we have incredibly bad timing," she told the vampire, who was standing up rather…cautiously.   
  
Suddenly, Fred's voice cut through the quiet night air. "You guys, Wesley says it's about Angel's curse."  
  
"I don't know Cordelia," Angel drawled, unable to hide the excitement shining in his eyes. "Sounds like pretty good timing if you ask me." They both turned and raced inside.  
  
_Neither one aware, that as Wesley explained what he had learned, as perfect happiness seemed more and more likely for Angel and Cordelia, a plane was landing at LAX. Neither aware as they climbed into bed that night, cradling Connor between them and dreaming about all that would soon be possible, a message was being left on Cordelia's answering machine. _  
  
_"Cordelia, honey. Guess who!!! It's Mommy and Daddy. We have business on the west coast and thought we'd pop in to see our little baby. It's been too too long darling. We're staying with friends in Brentwood. I heard the strangest little tale from Aura's mother, about you working in a hotel. I guess we'll just run by there tomorrow morning. See you then!"_   
  
_Talk about bad timing._   
  
End. 

So that's it. That's all she wrote. I do want to apologize to the people who were expecting a big S/B scene and are disappointed. I wrote this primarily to be a C/A story – the S/B storyline just happened because I felt like there's something so undeniable between those two and it would be ridiculous to pretend otherwise. Spike was never actually intended to play such a large role, but I just loved writing him so much, particularly his scenes with Cordelia.  Again, I am sorry for not spending equal time on the two couples and I hope you still enjoyed the story.


End file.
